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Why does it seem that the married man seems to think sleeping with another woman is okay...then if he gets her pregnant he can just up and leave...I think it is sad that their are so many lonely and unhappy men out their that can not find happiness with at home...I pity the wives of these men!

I am sure you have heard a man is man and will f*** anything but the one he LOVES and wants to be with is at home. What person does not want their cake and be able to eat it too.

To New2Motherhood:The point is you were jealous of that wife life so you got pregnant thinking he would leave her and you would pick up the pieces now your stuck with a baby and your praying like hell that the father be there your tryflin just like the other women who just had to get pregnant.the wife is innocent she's not the one who got someone pregnant so don't ever think just because he's messing around she(wife) isn't doing her job at home. but if i was the wife i'll take his a__s to wachovia bank.he's not gonna realize what he's done until she(wife)is gone.and i hope when ever you get married that this bite you in the a__s.all y'all new those men were married and soon as you halla i'm pregnant he got the ---- on. you were just a comfortable piece of a__s when wifey wouldn't put up with his mess.so why do you think it's o.k. to sleep with a married man? refering to your message on 9/27 and apparently you was lonely and unhappy too that's why you got pregnant to keep him around. LEARN TO USE BIRTHCONTROL NEXT TIME. AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK ON MENS BEFORE YOU THINK HE'S AVAILABLE.FIND YOUR OWN DAMN MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you ought to feel and look like a fool when people congratulate you on your pregnancy so I pity you on being so stupid

Oh...well you certainly put me in my place....and more pity, thanks again.

ToNew2Motherhood: you are quite welcome.

In response to your question which basically asks what gives the man the right to have an affair, get her pregnant then up an leave? Ummm... The fact that there is NO commitment with the women he's having an affair with would be a great place to start. Men will chase women - period. It does not matter if they are married or not. And NO it's not always the wife's fault. They could have the most loving relationship with him getting it all the time and if he is turned on by another pretty face, he's gonna go after it. Why should he leave his wife because you got pregnant? The commitment is with his wife - if you think it should be otherwise, you are are not thinking with a clear head. If you want him to stay, make him make a committment to YOU before you give it up. Now, sad to say, he owes you nothing.

Prayer for Lonely People Loving God, there are times in each life when there is no one. No one with whom to share a word, a laugh, a sad remembrance, a gentle touch, a fond embrace, a kiss of love. Bless each one who suffers from such loneliness. Enrich life with a friend or gentle stranger who will spend a moment noticing and loving. In those times your love shines through, the world is reborn, and Christ is known. So be it! Amen

I am sorry for the mess that you are in, but I would put a stop to it.. if your husband was honest with you and wants to do the right thing there is NOTHING the mother (other woman) can do about it. The father will be able to have a relationship with his child, take her to court and that way there will be weekend visits too. The other woman should have thought about what she was doing before the fling. If you go through the courts she will no she is not running c___p!! She needs to know you are his wife and this baby is an addition to the family... your family.

to hurt & betrayed - I posted on this subject in July. I am also a wife who was seperated from my husband (getting a divorce) and then decided to work things out. His girlfriend was pregnant also. During the pregnancy she would call and write all sorts of letters. When the baby was born in May it looked like she was going to be ok with us, but she would only want my husband and our children to come over to her house, she did not want me around at all. She would not let my husband see her on father's day. We had to get an attorney. When she was served in July, she was very upset with my husband, she changed her phone number and also called Children's Services on us stating that we live in unsanitary living conditions and that our children 6yrs. and 4yrs. are unsupervised. (The alligations were unfounded.) Just this past weekend she called out of the blue and wanted to know if she could drop the baby off for a visit. We were shocked and very excited. She said she cannot afford an attorney so she would agree to the visitation that he wanted. Everything so far has been great. He gets to see her again tonight, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. He has no overnight visits yet, but it is possible for her to come around. Good luck.

dear c, you replied to hurt and betrayed and I have a question for you if you don't mind?? First of all I am so glad it sounds like you and husband are accepting of the baby, and hopefully the mother can continue to be cooperative. My question is , you said that the baby's mother would only allow him and your children at her house but not you....did you understand this? Was there a valid reason? Did it cause troubles between you and your husband, but he chose to see the child under those circ_mstances?? I hope you feel okay answering my questions, as I am the other woman in this situation. I am in a position myself where the wife wished horrid things on me and has said horrid things, so I struggle still. But I have stated I would be more than willing to meet at a park for visitation once baby is born so it is neutral territory. I am only 4 months now, but will be doing things legally thru the courts for all of our own sanity. THank you for your time...

To me too - She told my husband she did not want their daughter around me because she did not trust me, she said that I was too nice, that if it was her she would be "p__sed off". She also said she does not want me to claim her daughter as my own. That is something I would never ever do. I wrote her a letter explaining I know how hard it would be to let some other woman take care of my children and that is the situation I was in when my husband and I were split up, she would have been that other woman. When she wanted him to come over to her house for visits we talked to a dispute resolution counselor and she said that this other woman sounded like she was wanting the visits like that because she felt like that was her family time. My husband and his attorney spole about it and the attorney did not think that it was a good idea, so he never went to her house to see the baby. My husband and I always talk about the situations, but in the end I have to step back and let him make the decisions about his daughter. I would never try to tell him he cannot see her. That baby did not do anything wrong and she will always have a place in my heart.

Dear c, Thank you so much for sharing your situation it sounds like what I am striving for!! Of course there are always hurt feelings and misunderstandings I realize this is natural. Just as I understand what brought me/us to this situation is not ideal and I have a huge part in the blame. But the fact is the baby is here in our lives even in the womb. I agree that the father coming here to my house to see our baby would only put us in an intimate situation we have chose to end. I definitely hope his wife will be as understanding as you are in time, I continue to hope for as much!! Was your husband in touch with her at all during the pregnancy? Was that difficult for you?? Your words and honesty are truly beneficial to me today, Thank you again!!!

To C.. thank you for responding, My husband and I are already looking for an lawyer.. she claims I will hurt the baby and over her dead body will she let her child come around me.. she said the other day she did not want to go to go court as long as the child support is payed but no visitation... all I know to do and stand with husband on doing the right thing. She has already stated as long as he is with me he can forget being a father to this kid except financial wise. I have only talked to her twice the first was ok because she must have thought I was not going to work things out with my husband the 2nd time all she did was cuss me and tell me how awful I was...I know it is about to be really messy and I hate it, but she is already trying to have control and the child is not here yet..but all I can do is pray the right thing will happen and she will grow up..

My posting on 9/27 was in response to "Pity You." Sometimes posters like to make things so black and white, so I was too. The truth is that isn't how life is and that isn't how the majority of these situations are...it just isn't so clear cut. And, once again...I was on birth control, no I didn't get pregnant on purpose, the "affair" wasn't even behind the wifes back, she knew about me and was friendly towards me. I havn't held the child over his head, I havn't asked for a dime and am not taking him to court. I contacted him only one time in over 9 months (my daughter is now 5 months) and that was on fathers day to ask if he would like to see his daughter. No matter what the circ_mstances surronding the pregnancy a man should try and take some responsability for his child.

Me too - He was in contact with her for a while. She would call in the evening and really late at night, If I answered she would hang up, if my husband answered she would get really upset saying stuff like why did you leave me, I love you, you will want to come back, I thought you cared... We finally had to change our number. He did keep in contact through letters. She would ask him to come to her dr. appointments but he did not feel right about going. I think he was feeling bad for putting me in that situation. I never told him not to go, I always told him that if he wanted to go I would understand. (I think with both of our children he only went to the appointment when you hear the heartbeat and the sonogram, there really was not a reason for him to go to any other appointment.) Things died down for a few months then we decided to write a letter to see how things were going and ask if she needed anything. I was the one who wrote the letter. She wrote back (one for me and one for my husband) my letter was very nice she wanted to get together and talk and she wanted to meet my kids she invited us to her baby shower and let us know of a few things she still needed. My husbands letter was very hateful, saying he should be the one to write and are you going to be her father or her daddy? Then when she was about 8 months (she was 5 wks. when my husband and I got back together) we gave her our phone number. She did not call until the day the baby was born.

c....The reason I was asking about your husbands involvement in the pregnancy is because of the situation I now am in. The husband has been forced basically to choose his wife and child over me and this baby. He is not allowed to talk to me, call me, or acknowledge me other than support payments. I am coming to terms with this, but as this is his child I would like to think he would want to know about the progress etc. I cannot continue the affair with him, that is over. I commend you for your approach to this whole situation, allowing your husband to do what he feels is right is something I hope he truly appreciates!! Good luck in your continued journey!!