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new2motherhood...I am the wife I wouldn't let my baby go over there if it were me just the same as she wouldn't let her child come with him 2 your house. I can only speak 4 me I don't wonna see the baby he can see the baby when ever he wants if i stay it will just have to be a general place that me cuz I don't trust her nor him to be alone at this point. Anyway I have a 7yr old daughter if he decide to be with her I would not seen my child there either people hurt can do some crazy things.

What you need to see is that if he decides to be with his wife, there is nothing you can do if a Court says he can have visitation. His wife is a part of his life and the baby is a part of him also. What are you going to tell your child when it grows up? You never got to visit with your dad because I did not want you around his wife. That is silly. If his wife loves him she would never do anything to hurt that baby. In the state I live in the baby is not allowed by the Court to spend the night with the non-custodial parent until the baby is 18 months old. If they take you to Court there is no way of keeping that baby away from the wife, unless you had good reason to. To me it just sounds like the wife is having a hard time coming to terms with the baby and she does not want the two of you together because she does not trust you or her husband to be alone together.

I have told them on several occasions that we could all meet together at a neutral place a few times and see how it goes from there. It never happens, there is always a big fight between them and they don't follow through.We can not jump to step 10 before we take step 1. And I am still nursing so it won't work for a weekend anyways. I have also said that if he would like alone time with the baby he can do it at a mutual friends house or at his parents so we don't have to see each other and he declines. I really do not like(since long before the affair) or trust her and I don't think she needs to be around with out my supervision. That has nothing to do with who she is, but rather how she is. I don't want him to be alone with the baby for basically the same reason. They don't have children and they do not know anything about the baby. I won't let anyone with so little knowledge or experience with babies watch mine. If I am overprotective so be it. The news is filled with scary stories about stuff like that/this. We aren't going to court because I didn't put him on the birth certificate and she will not allow him to file for paternity. She is trying to convince him to move to Colorado. I live in IL they live in IA.

Thank you all for responding...it is helpful to hear opinions and kind of hash things out with people not personally involved.

It sounds like that "wife" needs to grow up and start acting like a wife. When you get married "for better or worse" it is in the vows for a reason. I know this is a very painful thing but everubody needs to act like adults. My thing is I would Never mant my husband to not take of his child no matter how the child was brought here. And I can speak because I am the wife and will have a stepchild in about 3 weeks...well anyday now we were informed stress is going to make her have an early delivery.

understanding..good luck with your situation, I'm sorry your situation caused you so much pain also, it seems like us women go through all the pain and the men get off scott free.....I'm not sure if you were asking me about the separation situation but I was not separate from my husband at the time of the affair, he came home to me everyday until I found out and then of course he was so extemely sorry....I think he was sorry he got caught :-)

dear new2motherhood, have you considered mediation or something similar regarding visitation? It sounds like the husband and wife situation is not stable, and you are right to be concerned about the safety and security of a situation your baby will be in. The father needs to know the baby before he removes them from your care, therefore I agree a visit with you there is important. But it does not sound like they are supportive or understanding of how important all of this is for the child.

In my situation they were seperated and he told me a lot of bad things about her and their relationship. I got an ear full of it all the time. So I really started to dislike and disrespect her. Whether or not it was all true or fair I don't know but it is only natural to feel sorry for the person you care about and distaste for the person who put them in that situation. Now, just because he changed his mind doesn't mean it is so easy for me to do. I don't have any good memories of her to sway my opinion. He painted a very poor image of her and that is hard to let go of...therfore the dislike and distaste continues. It may be slighlty unjust but it is only human!

JUST SAY NO!!!!!! IT REALLY NOT THST HARD1

Its your fault. The man was married. Why dont you use birthcontrol next time & not try to get pregnant by someone whos not going to be with you. Dont complain when its your fault. Stupid choices.

Just a side note....of course he told you bad things about his wife he wanted something from you that he knew his wife was not going to give him at the time...all you were was something to take his mind off of her for a moment!!! how can you be so STUPID!!!! DIVORCE is what you look for not seperation.......WHATEVER!!!!!

just a side note.....I totally don't fault you he was seperated and acting like he would never be with her. HOW would you know it was all a lye. Unfortunately, when a man is married or with another woman you can't deal with them at all cuz the LIARS

And all women should know this.. Man you would think these women never dealt with men before... STUPID!!!!

Lets compair problems here...stupid enought to sleep with or stupid enough to marry!? HA...I totally win. Enjoy your cheater "till death do you part!"

Yeah...ENJOY!!!!

Whose the one left with a baby and no man!! HA yeah you win.