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to help me fast........You have to do what is best for you. If it were me I wouldn't be having a baby by a married man but not cuz of mom and dad just cuz it is a confusing sit_tuation to put a child in i think only my opionion. U stay strong for yourself and if you decide to kee the baby. You are not wrong for want to let a baby have life. You don't know how much I have been through to say that I am a wife that 2weeks ago would have said kill that b___d child.

To help fast: well it is true you will be alone, but women everyday are raising kids alone. There is no guarantee if you get rid of this baby that if you become pregnant by any other man, whether he is single or married, that he will help you.. Single and married fathers walk out everyday and that is the reason for child support enforcement agencies becaus they have to be forced to pay and help their children...As far as your parents, my mother has only been with two menn her whole life, my father who was there for 23 years (died) and her new husband..she is a christioan woman who told me that her heart ached when she found out what I had done, but I am still her daughter and she still loves me.. She had to overcome her obstacles too but she alsways preached to me what was right and wrong..When she knew I was still seeing my childs father (maried) she always commented and I always replied, well moma pray for me to be able to get out of this situation...Having the abortion will give you a way to be rid of this man but will you really stop seeing him? I mean only you know the real truth..Also yes I will tell my son (oh its a boy, smile) what happened, but you better believe that when he finds out, his father will be right there explaining it to him wth me..providing he is still in the picture..I am not ashamed to tell him, I truly loved his father and even though it was wrong, it happened...I see his father everyday and it is so amazing to see that as my feelings for him fade we are able to become better parents..Of course he still tries to sleep with me, and and complain about his home life, and I always say, its not to bad for u to go home at night, so I do not want to hear it..As far as the s_x, when he asks me, even when I am tempted, I say you go f*ck ur wife, and then I think that d__n if I give him some, he will go home and sleep with her, so it helps me open my eyes to things better...You need to advise your parents that life will bring you somany obstacles and you will be judged by so many, ask them to not help put you through any stress..SO hopefuly I am helping you and giving you tru advice..

I have a question for you..does the stepmother have anything to do with the child? Will you let her? Does she want to? How do you feel about the wife? DO you get along with her for the childs sake? Please I am curious

dear help fast, I too am a woman pregnant with a child from an affair with a married man. It was very difficult when I first learned I was pregnant, I am 4 months now. The decision I made to not terminate was against what the father and the wife wanted. But the decision I made was due to my own choice to give this baby a chance at life since it was created. Only you can make the right decision for you and your child, in the beginning I dealt with the father about this. But in time I have begun to focus more on me and the pregnancy and he has learned that the choice I made is final. Through his own efforts and processing he tells me he accepts my decision and knew I would not terminate and he will be responsible. I honestly don't know what part he will play in this childs life, like you I worked for him too. So I lost my job due to this pregnancy as he chose to confess to his wife. Keep seeking support from those who are willing to give it, here can be a good place as well. I myself have been in touch with understanding and she has been helpful to me in my own struggles. What you need most right now is to find what you believe and follow through, God only gives us what we can handle. As hard as that may be now to believe in, it is the truth. I hope you can find the strength in your life and in yourself to do what works for you in you life. I am here if you want to vent, we are at the same point in our pregnancy it seems.

Are you and this guys still seeing each other, how do you feel that he told his wife... do you think you an and the wife will get along?

To answer the questions posed to me...No the stepmother does not have anything to do with my son, and until she is able to truly forgive me for what happened I would not allow her to be in his life..But she does not want to see my son either... actually she told her husband that he had to choose between her and the baby, and he said he couldn't..yet he sneaks around to see the baby, but she knows that he sees him and i know because she checks his email and raises hell about us communicating, because she does not trust him..and she shouldn't..As far as us getting along, she at this point still hates me, but I could understand her position seeing that she feels I am a threat to her marriage..There will probably come a time when my son gets older and he has to visit his dad, and she and I will have to get along..as long as she does not mistreat my son we can be ok...I also want her to realize that I am trying to change the status of me and his relationship but he is still trying to hang on, therefore I am not the problem... Also to: me too - it is good to hear from you, hope you have been feeling well, Do you have my new email address? Anyway hope that answered your questions and I am here if you need me...

reply, No the father and I are not together any longer. He and I are just now reaching a point where we are beginning to be able to communicate in regards to the baby. I know his wife and she knows me. In time as parents yes she and I will be civil. There is a lot of pain, hurt, and damage that needs time to heal first. I hurt her by being with her husband, and she was praying for me to miscarry and wanted her husband to force me to put my child up for adoption. Thinking of my child having a step-mother sounded weird at first but the reality is that is what the wife will be. But I will have full custody of the baby and I am thinking the father will only see his child a couple of times a month. She has a hard time with this situation taking away from their child and her family. I understand as much since she is the wife and he chooses to do as she asks.

Do you blame the wife for anything...as far not letting the father see the child..throwing it up in her face or such, what would you do if she wanted to come and see the child with him..how would you feel

No. I do not blame her fro anything, it does upset me that she would want to keep him from my son, or not want my son to see his father..I think any woman that keeps a man from his children intetionally is wrong..I mean the child has no control over who or aht situation they are born in and they will have enough struggle just living in this world for anyone to intentionally bringhurt to them..as far as her coming, if she wanted to come just to make sure that there is nothing going on she can come, but we will have to met other place then my house, because as of this point I do not think she should know where I live..And she is not letting preventing him from seeing his child because he spends hours a day watching him and spending time with the baby..Where she is messing up is causingher husband to have to hide the fact that he sees his son which is making him resent her and causing more marriage trouble..He wants both son and marriage and she has told him that he cant have both, so one day he will have to choose because as of right now, he calls all the time, buys clothes, sends money, takes himn to work with him , the only thing he doesnt do is take our son home...

to lisa - thanks for your input - i need to hear this because the last thing i want to do is have a baby by a married man - like i said is this some sort of sign to take this opportunity as an out - because i will resent him after this - so i will be able to just have the abortion and run - i deserve to have a normal relationship - a baby should be a joyful thing - not stressful like this - i know this sounds selfish - but also bringing a child in the world in a situation like this could also be selfish - i have been trying to go throguh with the abortion 4 times already - the last time - something didnt allow it - tomorrow is my last chance - i dont want to hurt my body either - im really not a bad person at all - i dont want to have a baby to spite anyone or to ruin anyones family - its just a screwed up situation - so talk to me - you say youve been throguh so much and your married - maybe hearing your situation will help - thanks for your opinion im looking for any answer i can get by tomorrow morning - im losing my mind here!

to help fast: I feel like you are really struggling with the decision you make ans hopefully you are ok with it..just wanted to let you know that I am leaving for a couple of hours - in college and it is 4:00 pm my time I will be back online by 8 pm if you want to talk...hope you are ok...

to me too - its nice to hear from you - it just saddens me that so many of us are in this horrible situation - and no matter what - the conclusion people will always draw is that we are entirely at fault - its not fair - although it is what it is - i cant blame people for having that mentality and i dont think i can take living that way anymore - im so mentally exhausted from all this - i have pa__sed up so many men for this guy and he has scared so many men awya from me as well - having his baby will just never let me have that "normal" life - not to say id enjoy that either - but i want someone who i know is coming home to me and waking up with me - im scared to do this alone - i know what you said is what i said to my family "God only gives us a cross that we can carry" but here i have an option to terminate - whats the right thing to do ? i dont want people to a__sume i kept this child to try to keep the guy areound - little do they know i had the hardest time trying to get rid of him for a long time - and hes still around - i dont need a child to keep him around - also found out today that i have a short cervix - the last thing i will be able to handle is a child with any kind of birth defect as a single parent ! i hate to sound so negative becuase you are now 4 months pregnant - congratualtions to you and i wish yu the best - i hope you are feeling well too!! i know that everything will be fine - things always work themselves out - is your ex going to be a part of the babys life?

i really do want to talk - we sound as though outr situation is very similar - except his wife knows where i live and has come aftr me before - which is a big fear of mine - hes not telling her that im pregnant and i know shell find out - its inevitable - when she does - God only knows what she will do ok - ill be online later on as well - thanks

I just to comment on your situation..you need to do what you feel is right for you...I am a wife whose husband got another woman pregnant...she is due next week, this has been the most emotional experience I have ever been through, but I love my husband and I will love this child too, because it is a part of him.. I do not know about your relationship with this man, but I will let you know it is not going to be easy but nothing for women..just listen to your heart and do what YOU feel is right I wish you luck...

to reply : im so sorry of your situation - i just cant imagine how you must feel - then readin all of this stuff - i give you a lot of credit and respect - you are standing by your man as best you could and you sound as though you are being open minded - i cant say i know what you feel cause im the "home wrecker" per say - im sorry for your situation - i think with a good att_tude like yours - it will make it that much easier for you to deal with and the heartache will soon pa__s - i wish i knew if i should follow what i think is right - or my heart or my conscience - its a huge tug of war - i just dont want to hurt anyone anymore than i have unintentionally done - i dont want to be the one that does this to his wife - even though i dont respect her at all - for so many reasons - she doesnt respect herself - as i obviously dont for continuing this relationship after i found out the truth - it was easier said than done to just walk away - especially with a controlling man like him - best of luck to you and keepo your head up and always smile

reply to help fast, you do sound conflicted. Unfortunately you feel the pressure to decide right now!! Your fear of others a__sumptions are valid but there does come a time when we move past them. I have other children who know I am pregnant and this is not their father's child. Other friends of mine do not approve of the situation that got me here, but I had to not let those opinions rule my life. I know I can love my baby for who it is and give it a chance in life whole heartedly. I did not keep my baby to keep the father present in my life, I have often wished he was not the father so I did not have to deal with these things. But he is, but I have also chose to not let his actions and behavior dictate my life and how I live. I am in a rough spot lately, where I too have some pregnancy complications. Again all you can do is continue to try to search in your heart and soul for what the right decision will be for your life. As for the father's involvement in our child's life, only he can make that choice. He tells me that he will be, but it is too early to tell. Whether he is or not my baby will be loved for who they are. The father will be missing out should he choose to allow his wife to force him to not be part of his child's life.