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to trying to move on - you have no idea what its like to hear from someone on your end - unfortunately - the world isnt as open minded as you ! i think if it were - it would be a much better place to live! i hear what your saying - i went on friday to try to have the abortion - the dr wouldnt do it - he said that i was moving around to much and crying - i have this friday to go back - i dont think i will be good at this - alone and with no support - thank you for sharing your story - its wierd theres a reason for everything i guess - i hope things with you and your husband got better and are working out - with a woman like you- they should - thanks for the advise - im still not settled in withsomething definite

To understanding: Girl my relationship is so bad right now I have no business giving anyone relationship advice but here goes ;-)...this is my opinion, you & this guys have been seeing each other for over two years so I'm sure there is some feelings there, thats why he won't let you go. Seems to me that he wants to be with you but he scared to leave whats familiar to him, his wife, his home, etc.. is his comfort zone and he's scare of change. Maybe he wants to be with you and your son but he's scared. I am not for breaking up anyones family but if I was you I would MAKE him make a choice and give him a deadline or tell him your out! I would say "if you love me and you want to be with me, we need to do this the right way and you need to separate or divorce your wife because I have a son to think of and I'm not going to confuss him by having you in and out of ours lives, we are adults and we should act and live our lives as adults. Tell him something like, I give you until Nov 15th to gather your thoughs and make a decision...be firm and serious with him and if he can not give you an answer by your deadline, cut off all contact with him and when he sees that your not joking, he will come around...........I know you feel bad about calling his house but I would have loved for this woman to call me and tell me the stuff my husband was doing so we could have put a stop to it, instead to lied for him. But he's playing games with you, he's playing with people lives and you have to take control of the situation asap, I know it's hard not to cry in front of him but try to stop that because if he sees you crying he knows you have a weakness and he feels in control. Hold back them tears when he's around and when he leaves you can cry your self silly...."never let them see you sweat!!! ( i was typing fast excuse any errors)

To Help Fast: I am also pregnant now, I'm 23 weeks and I feel my baby moving around alot, I think your about 17 weeks and you should feel little futters now, I remember I did, if not now you will soon and at 20 weeks you will know the baby's s_x and you'll be at your half way make. When you get time go to www.babycenter.com and it will tell you the baby's process at 17 weeks and then decide if you want to do this. Best Wishes

To : trying to move on.. well i talked to him and issued the ultimatum ( u suggested) , and know what he said, he said give me six months, I laughed in his face..he said that he just doesnt want to walk out on her and come be with me because he thinks we will have bad luck ( what goes around comes around) so I told him that he needs to stop trying to see me and either make his marriage work or move on so that if it doesnt last ( his marriage) it wont be because we are messing around, it will be because it is just not meant to be.. but he still wants to be in my face while he figures out his life and I told him, it is not possible..because as long as we keep messsing around, I will lose any blessings that may be coming my way because you cant just do wrong and think everything will be fine.. he said if you love someone, then how can it be wrong, why are you trying to take my family away ( me, his son, and my other children).. I looked at him and said your family is at work (his wife ) and he just shook his head...He has serious issues, now you see what I am dealing with...anyway on a positive note....congratulations on your new baby, my baby is now 9 month, boy how time flys and he is trying to walk and can say a few words...i am glad that u can actually talk to me without any resentment seeing that I am the other woman ( we are not all intentional home wreckers) because as you said the world is not perfect, but I sure wish our lives could be ( smile) well i am just hoping you don't get tired of giving me suggestions( they help me) it feels good to have a listening ear..thanks

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To desperate: you post the question just like you do when you asked, how to post it..just type in your name an after type in the answer box, click on submit..

It's comforting to know that I am not alone in this situation. I just find out that I am preganant by a married man. I have been with him for 1 year. I never wanted to be involved with a married man, but I was already deeply in love with him before I knew he was married. I tried to break up with him half a year ago for although I did love him very I did not want to hurt his wife and I did not want to just be a lover. Then he a__sured me that he would leave his wife and it was not because of me (I don't know about the former, but the latter was true-- last month I found out that he was in a relationship with another woman for a couple of years but ended it after the other woman contacted his wife with spiteful words, and his wife was depressed and his kids again him; before that he also had s_xual relationship with some other women which he considered "deep friendship".) He was my first love (I was married for 8 years to my ex who was the first man I dated. I agreed to marry him out of my fear for his anger and my low self-esteem at that time; I tried to divorce him several times with no success, until I met this man and I told my ex right away that I was in love with this man); however, I began to think that although we had love for each other, we may not share the same value toward a good relationship... In my lexicon there should be love, respect, and honesty, but he did not seem to show this respect and honesty for both his wife and me... Although he told me again and again that he is working to come home with me each night, I guess actions always speak louder than words... When he went for a business trip out of the country, I made a decision that I will not see him again while he is still married (out of respect to both his wife and me). If he wants to continue our relationship, I would consider it only when the divorce is final. But, as you can see now, right after I made this decision, I find out I am preganant. The situation suddenly becomes complicated. I don't want him to stay with me because of the baby. I don't want to change my decision about him, for I do have highter self-respect now. I want to keep the child. I love children, and my 4 year old always wants to have a sibling. But shall I tell him about the child? Shall I just don't say anything about the child (which I don't feel right-- I think he should know)? If he doesn't want to be involved, I am already a single mother, and I don't mind raising a second child all by myself. but what if he does want to be involved... he is still a married man and I made a decision about not seeing him when he stays married... I am very confused as what I should do now! Any advice and opinion is highly appreciated!

To seeking advice: Well i can say to you to be strong because there are long days ahead. Because being pregnant by a married man is nothing like being pregnant by a single man, it happened to me..I think that if you decide to keep the baby that u should inform him of it because he is the father and should be responsible for helping you prepare and also for thinking about the future of your child..He might be angry, he be happy thinking that he has a hold on you..but if you truly stick to your plan about not messing with him then maybe he will see that you are no fool and he needs to be responsible no matter what...you have to be prepared for the emotions that are to come/confusion because of the pregnancy will make u want him around.. its hormones and then after baby will usually get stronger and then go away...but through it all you will survive..I do not think that even if he gets divorced that you should consider being with him because as you stated, he has had several afffairs, he only cares about himself it seems...Just be careful because all of these situations are dangerous because these men are playing with womens feelings..I am proud of you that you have been able to tell him no more until you see the divorce papers and if he gets divorced and you decide to "sleep" with him, protect yourself and make sure you only use him for that becaue as far as being a real man to you, you are pmost likely to good for him to have..Find someone who when you get with him that your relationship will and can be blessed.

Dear seeking advice, Well my situation is similar to yours but not exact. For me I was reaching a point in the relationship where I knew my time to end it was approaching. I was beginning to pull away, and not be as in touch emotionally. He went out of town and I found out then I was pregnant. I am 5 months, and I told him when I was 7 weeks. I kept it from him for a short while, then found I could not continue the lie. Our affair ended and I won't lie it has been difficult and a struggle. But my decision to not terminate was made because of my personal belief that my baby had a chance in life. So I knew I would be bringing this child into the world w/out him standing by my side. I am a single mother with two other children, but know in my heart I made the right decision. I gave him the opportunity to walk away, to not tell his wife, and yes he did ask me to terminate. As time is pa__sing I am focusing more on the pregnancy and less on my emotional struggle. Letting go is hard, and not having him be a part of this can be difficult. He is wanting to be part of the baby’s life after birth and his wife is demanding he not be part of this pregnancy. I am having a bit of a tough time and am having to rest a lot and he is showing concern but it is about the baby and not he and I (my choice and his). I can’t deal with the emotional instability and inconsistency so we deal in pregnancy terms and that is it for now. My reason for sharing my story is to let you know you are not alone, and even though this is a difficult situation there are others who are enduring and trying. As tough as it may be to hear as well as act on you will have to reach a point where you do what is right for you, and your children. His part in this and how he deals with his marriage is up to him. I hope me sharing is of some help to you and I would be glad to talk more if you would like. You are not alone!!

To Understanding and Me Too: Thank you for your kind replies. He is out of touch somewhere in another country so although I did email him about how I felt about our relationship I don't think he has read it yet. He will be back in a few days, and I am sure he will call me. Then I will tell him that I am not going to be with him when he is still married and I am having his baby at the same time... How weird does that sound? Will I be misunderstood like I was using the baby as a threat (which I was not)? I want the baby for I also believe it is a life and I am going to take good care of it no matter what. I am not sure if he is going to be a positive influence for my baby's future owing to his family complications. Shall I put his name on my child's birth certificate? If so, is it possible that he could take the child away from me since my current financial situation is bad but his is much better? I don't want to lose my child for any reason... If I don't put his name on my child's birth certificate, what will be the consequencies? If after the child is born I decide that it is better to keep its father out of our life, will I be able to move somewhere with my children without being in any trouble (legally)? Thanks again for those of you who are willing to listen and give me suggestions.

Are you ready for all the stuff you are about to go through? Have you thought about what is really about to happen. Are you ready for your child to be with him and his wife she stays with him? Do you think you can handle seeing your child going with the 2 of them with out you...no offense but you really need to think long and hard.

To the previous poster: Thanks for your post. No, I am definately not ready for my child to stay with him and his wife. I don't want it happen at all. I don't even think it is a good idea to let his wife know-- it is too much for any wife to take. And it will be such a shock to his other kids... but most importantly I don't want my child to be confused with a second family. I'd like to give my child a stable, reliable and loving family as much as I can. That is why in my previoius post I asked about whether I should keep the father in or out of our life and what the concequences would be (including legal concequences...) I would appreciate any suggestions and information. Thanks.

dear understanding, i have sent to the email address i have but am thinking i don't have your new one?? go ahead and email me at mj4sx@yahoo.com with your new one!! I miss you and hope all is well, today is my sonogram and I hope to find out what I am having ;) Talk soon

Understanding.....hey I haven't forgot about you, I've been so busy the last 2 weeks with my 4 yrs old's dental surgery, my friends dad died and another friend got married......anyway I'm glad you used my advice, I do not mind getting you advice or receiving advice because it helps me though my situation. So he's talking about 6 mos and he's out? What do you think, do you think he's just buying time? I'm trying to make things work with my husband, he wants us to be together so bad but he still works with this girl and I'm so scared it's going to happen again but he claims they have no conversation at all because after she came back to work after the miscarriage she hates him because she lost her child she wanted so bad and she feels he got her pregnant and then wanted nothing to do with her but what p__ses me off is that she acts like it's all his fault and she knows she pursued him as well. I try to believe him, he said he has no desire for her and it was a terrible mistake but it's hard to trust again. Let me know how your doing :-)

to seeking advice: just try to take care of your child and yourself. I know you love him but this guys seems to be no good at all, you said he has done this to his wife a few times...well be glad he's gone because he would do the same to you. My husband betrayed me once and because I'm pregnant with our second child I'm trying to get pa__sed it, I'll be a fool once but not twice. God Bless

to trying to move on: Thanks for your reply. It is good to know there are people who care enough to spend time writing to me. Here is my updated situation: I told him about the preganancy, and offered him the opportunity to walk away. He said he loved me and wanted to take care of me. He said he was excited and scared. He wanted me to move up to him; I said no, and I made it clear that I would not move in with him as long as he is still married. He told me this morning that he started to work on divorce now but did not know how quick it would happen. He wanted to make sure that his wife and children (all young adults now) would be taken good care of ( I sincerely hope he will deal with his family issue well... I have cared about his wife and kids since the time I realized he had a family, and that was part of the reason why I tried to break up with him). Yes, I do love this guy... even though I did have questions about his morals for cheating on his wife a couple of times ...but I kept telling myself that every one made mistakes and it was his past and he would not do that to me for our relationship would be different... Am I just being stupid?... After long telephone conversations during the past couple of days somehow I could picture us building a life together someday... I am not certain what is going to happen. I just keep telling myself that I have to stay firm with the bottom line, that is, I won't build a life with him as long as he is still married.