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The reasons you gave above are so true. I being the "other" woman with a child by a married man got honestly told by the father he couldn't leave his wife because of those reasons. He went on to say that he knew I was stong and would be okay without him. He said it was one of the things he loved about me. However, he didn't think she would "make it" if he left her. He is right she wouldn't but it is really hard that since I am strong and independent I get c___pped on and since she is crazy and suicidal she gets taken care of. Oh, well that's life I guess. To be honest I would never want the situation to be the other way around.

Andrea, I can relate to your situation!! But in trying to look on the brighter side of things just think how lucky our children are going to be to be raised by us who are strong and determined!! We have learned from our mistakes and continue to proceed without having to be led or had our hand held!! Stay strong and best wishes!!

I had pretty much giving up on this site. But today I must speak out......It is not okay that you sleep with a married man. And quess what just like all the lies he told before about not being married (if that was the case) is the same way he is lying saying YOU are strong...My opinion is your weak are you what have never allowed to be #2. Now I have never said nothing bad on here but ladies you sleep with married men....You have to understand that if it were you man who slept around on you, you would be bitter. I am bitter that my man sleep with another woman but cuz what I ain't going to KILL myself that is his problem not mine. I don't even care if he take care of that baby if it turns out to be his....He don't have to leave me cuz I am leaving HIM> Just don't believe everything you hear which goes for the wives and the other woman

My oh my, I read all the posts on this site and I try to save my comments for when I feel they are worthy of sharing. This site does go in cycles, there is a lot of bashing and blaming just as there are several who come here and are genuine in their posts, requests, and advice/comments. I am a woman who got in a situation that got out of control. Meaning I got caught up in emotions and fantasy temporarily. By coming on this site just as many others have I have never once stated that I am glad of my choices, proud of my choices, or feel like I have no blame. But the reality is that the situation happened, and this site is a place for women in similar situations to vent, share, and seek from others. We know not everyone will understand or approve, nor do we expect as much. It is possible to learn from life’s experiences and that is exactly what many of us are doing when you read our posts ;). To sit around and wallow in an awkward and messy situation will not benefit any person. So to continue to condemn when it is obvious women are learning and are actually remorseful for these situations won’t help us. The men made mistakes and are being forgiven, the women are continually blamed and held responsible. But don’t get me wrong, forgiveness from any other is not as important as it is for us to find in ourselves and that is exactly what so many of us are doing. The children we raise will not be burdens nor will they be disgusting regardless of the situation they may have been created in. A mother’s love is genuine and natural and those of us who are pregnant or have had babies w/out the man by our side do have the strength to love these children and that is what is important. The specifics of who their mother slept with, or how their father acted has no bearing on who they will be in life. My point in this post was basically to inform the close minded individuals that you can blame and point fingers but the fact is situations such as you read about on this site are not isolated incidents but there are women who are remorseful and are moving forward in our lives for the sake of our children. So go ahead and vent and say horrid things if you feel a need, but know it won’t change events that have already happened and we are growing and learning and I personally hope in time that you will too!!

The only reason why you women are having these babies and so you are in hope the man will come back. Is you will be saying that the wife can not be around your baby only the man can come over. Whatever..you women are so full of it. trying to make you self feel better because you have NO morals. Keep on believing that is the reason why the men will not leave their wives. LOL of course you are going to believe it. You want to. Sweeties all you are is a extra piece of a__s and do NOT forget it.

These men never wanted to be with you. If they did then they would have left the wives as soon as they realised if not before. All i ever seem to here is the other woman saying 'its not my fault', well it is, you and this man decided together that you were going to be unfaithful. As for all the 'excuses' for not leaving his wife what a load of bull. One thing you all need to realise is that this man has lied to his wife for months if not years about having an affair with you, are you all so stupid to think that he will be honest with you, think again. There are only 2 parties who i feel sorry for in these situations and that is the wives and the children who are involved. Why is it that non of you seem to care that these children will grow up either without a daddy or knowing that mummy and daddy did such a horrible thing to another person. Its ok to feel remorse now, but why werent any of you thinking of the consequenses before you had these children. I very rarely remark about things on here and its not my intention to hurt anyones feelings but feel that sometimes these things need to be said.

First off to: to all and just need to say this: - having a baby keeps no man, maried, single, gay, whatever so whoever told u that this is why we are having theses babies have decived you ..Dont think that we are that ignorant..We are having our children because they are ours, half his, half ours and there is really no discussion about why we have them because I do know that we have not asked for one ounce or your support..Also to the last poster, I do not think that you are really compreheding what is going on here because there are numerous women including me that have accepted the fact that we, as well as the husband are to blame for the situations at hand. The children born here will not have any "shame" for their mothers because they will have been raised and loved and I know that that is all children want, love , attention, and to live a good life...my son will and does have a daddy because his father sees him everyday, the wife does not come but she is more than welcome, because the fantasy that I was in has ended, and even though there are still feelings we do not sleep together...enough is enough, i am sick of hearing this negative thoughts, U dso not know how each individual situation happened or what is/have/is still going on..I wish you would read the lade post from, ME TOO, because what she said has a lot of truth in her words..Also to: to all. one last time, why are you so bitter, I am a__suming that your husband cheated to and you still have a lot of anger..you judge each and ever one of us but i want you to look back and think when have you done something that you regreted, if you can not think of one thing then I am happy for you, but at one time in your life you had to be forgiven by someone..you need to reflect on that and then give us a break... I do not regret my baby but i do wish that the situation he was born into was different..the last thing i will say for now is that to anyone who needs to talk or want some postive support do not let the words or actions of negative people on this site keep you from posting...

You may not be that stupid, but believe me there are plenty of women out there that will have a baby is trying to get the man. I hate that you are in a situation like this. I know that there are a few women out there that really want what is best for the child and i think that is great but please do not try to hold the child over the man head. I believe that the man should take care of his child, but some women think if they keep on saying "you can not see the baby while you are still with your wife" it will bring the man back. Please do not do this. It is so wrong. And all it does is cause more confusion for everybody envolved. Please be mature and reliaze that it is not about you, the man or the wife but the child.

I just want to say one little thing that may relate to my own situation but it is something I just want to get off my chest. Marriage or no marriage the baby has TWO parents, a mother and a father, the wife is neither of those! She wasn't there to make the baby, she doesn't need to be there to raise the baby. You can be mad and call me whatever names you want, I don't care, that it the truth of the matter!

to Truth: What if one day you decide to get married or have a boyfriend around your child? Is that man going to be able to be a part of the childs life? He had nothing to do with making the child. The wives are a part of there husbands. You cannot tell him how and who your shared child can be around. My husbands ex tried to do that and the Court laughed at her. She looked so stupid trying to say she did not want there baby around me. You knew the chances of getting pregnant just as much as he did, there are two parents not just you.

What gives you the right to tell him who his child can and cannot be around. Sure it is your child but it is also his. What if you have a boyfriend or get married some day. Are you going to keep your child away from your new husband? It is the same thing. You knew the chances of getting pregnant just as much as he did. Sounds to me like you are using that child as a tool. My husbands ex tried to do this same thing and she was laughed at and was told if she did not allow the baby to come over for visits there would be a change in custody. Good luck with that.

As for our babies and them being around the wives or even girlfriends of their fathers it is true we don't get to dictate. It is a hard situation to swallow but unless the woman involved is a bad influence it is true we must accept her being around our children. Again this is not an ideal situation for anyone, but the only way to make it positive for the little ones is to be mature and accept that we are not their rulers only their providers and can give them our love just as their father will and his wife or g'f has the same rights to be around our child. The wife in the beginning had horrid wishes for me and my child, but I must give her the benefit of the doubt and continue to believe she will accept my child for who she is not punish her for the situation that put her into her marriage. It is a difficult journey for all and will continue to be so for a long time, but we have hurt the wives and we must allow ourselves to give them a chance to be positive in our children's lives.

sorry about my little rant. The wife in my situation is an acceptable person to have around my child. She has serious issues outside of the affair situation. Even her family thinks it would be a bad idea but she just keeps pushing for it and pushing for it. I have tried to let her and have tried to work things out and she keeps freaking out everytime. My daughter is only exposed to poor behavior like that when she is around. Therefore she needs to not be around. It has been so exhausting being the "bad" person who keeps trying to do right and mean while the wife just gets to keep acting like a screw ball because whe has been hurt by this. If I have to grow up and accept the situation why doesn't she. I really don't mean to lash out at anyone on here. I just don't think people realize to what extent I am reminded of my mistake. It haunts me daily! I get papers in the mail to file for child support all the time, people ask about the father, people look for a ring and judge you when your without, I am always aplogizing to my feelings of frustration with the situation because I was in the wrong. Well I can not be sorry forever. She forgave him she needs to forgive me and my daughter!

As far as whether or not I find someone else...the thing is when I date or decide to marry someone That person will be chosen with my child in mind. I would find someone who I feel is the perfect man to be a father for my baby. The wife was not chosen with my daughters best interest in mind.

dear truth, you are right in wishing for acceptance and maybe someday forgiveness from the wife. It may never happen of course but yes it would make life easier!! As for your description of how the wife behaves around you and child, I can see how that would be stressful and cause you to worry. I have stressed in my own situation that if I see my child treated poorly or unhappy (in a realistic way of course) due to stress or tension we will all have to sit down and discuss visitation and so on together. We are always going to be seen as the "bad guy" no matter what the situation or how things played out etc. We are not innocent by any means, but also cannot always be only one to receive the blame. I don't think the father in your situation has been forgiven, that is most likely why she is so difficult to deal with. You are a reminder perhaps and she does not feel secure in their relationship. I do encourage you to try to be positive and hopeful that in time things will be easier. I understand your venting, and apologize myself if it seemed I was being mean!! Your second post described your scenario so much better, and I again do sympathize with you. We can't dwell forever on our mistakes, yet must move forward as best we can. Hopefully for you the wife will realize she is being unkind and unfair to your child.

I have kept up on this site over time because I like many women on this site was pregnant by a married man. We have had more ups and downs than I care to count. I had given up on him and for the most part moved on with my life leaving him to work out the issues in his. Now after over a year after the affair has ended and virtually no contact...he is back. He has moved out, they are finalizing the divorce and he has taken 100% resposnability for our daughter. As far as he and I go that is going to take a lot of time to repair the damage. He really is trying though. He has visited my family to make apologies and everything. For now I am avoinding getting my hopes up and stay busy appreciating having my daughter getting to know her father. So much for just being the piece of a__s that so many angry women were willing to call me. Many blessings.