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Hi to everyone, I know that this may help my situation a little because I am the wife of a man that is in the same situation. God only knows the pain that this man has cause in our marriage. I don't know how you feel about the situation that you are in now. But it does not make it easy on none of the people involved. You see, I have 5 children and how do you think my kids will feel when they hear this news. I know that this woman was chasing my husband down and when she got preganant, she felt that he would leave me. Yes, he left me for about 4 months and then when the honeymoon was over with this new found relationship, he was begging to come back home. Trust me, at the time that he was following his mistress, he cared nothing about me and my children. Trust me, it was God that brought me through that rough time in my life. I just could not believe the lenght that this woman was going to take my husband away from his family. I feel hurt about this situation. Because, me as a woman would never put myself in this type of situation because I don't see myself as a woman that needs something to hold to a man---especially a married one. Even before I met my husband, if a man had children or if a man was in a relationship with a woman-- even if he use the line that we are having problems. That was a turn off. You see--- it is one thing you must understand--- One you are an adult. You knew the consquences of your actions when you and him was having intercourse. Protect yourself. Even if he is telling you that he loves you -- and he is going to leave her. What are your chances of that happening. If you know that the relationship between the two of them is ending, if you would have waited. Wait for about two years so that you will then have a baby for the man. Just don't jump in. Only fools rush in, where angles dare not tread. Now a baby is born and conceived in sin. I know that you have ask God to forgive. But if we think things through from the beginning we would not put ourselves in a position to be used and look how many lives are change because we do not use our better judgement. The kids will suffer the most. Your unborn child will suffer and the kids he have with his wife because the decision that you and him chose. It does not make it right. Look at the scares it will leave and if some kids are crule and know of your sins, they will use that against your baby. Trust me. I have already told my husband that my children will have no part of his kid that he is having for that woman, because we live by example and I feel that my husband did not make a positive example for my children. I don't want my children to know of this at all. And look at the many lives that you and him have destroyed. If you do not know what his wife is going through trust me. It is painful. The pain you are feeling will not compare to the pain she is face with. When my husband left, my kids did not care about what was happen they only knew that something was wrong and they looked up to me to fix it. How can I fix it? Now that he has come back home my kids are happy, but I have for-gone my happiness for the sake of my children. Now I live in misery. He is happy to be home. My children are happy that he is home. And I still cry, because how can someone make it right. My pastor said that I have to except this but I know that he would never except me back if the shoe was on the other foot. That is why we should pray and do what is christ-like in all our decision in life. Never do to other what we would not want anyone to do to us. My child may you ask God for forgiveness and know that he is with you and confess your sins and always think about the actions that you have created that brought you to that point. That child is your scare that God wants to share with the world. He is a forgiving God. Ask God to now bring you a Good man to help you raise your baby. Be blessed in God....

To respond to the woman that stated that the man don't want his wife anymore. That is not the case. --- If you know the saying. A double minded person is unstable in all his ways. You are fooling yourself if you believe that a man is cheating because he wants to be with you. If he left her for you he will leave you for someone else. Don't set yourself up for failure. Know that it wasn't so from the beginning.......

Sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes they get what they deserve sometimes they don't. Sometimes mistakes are just simply that....mistakes. Not all wrong doings are malicious acts that deserve punishment! I understand that this is a serious issue but some of you need to calm down a little. Even with all the turmoil it can be handled with stability and normalicy. People being so cruel and degrating about others mistakes and misfortunes is very unproductive. I would a__sume that fairly rarely is someone in this situation out to ruin a family, or to act in complete disregard of values. Like I said sometimes it is just a mistake. And yes the odds are in favor of the "they don't leave their wives" and the "once a cheater always a cheater" but that's just it there just odds. Ever person runs up against odds in there life on a daily basis and if we never banked on them lots of good things would never be accomplished. Now I know someone is going to read that and say I am saying that my situation is a good thing and be thourghly disgusted...but slow down because that isn't what I am saying! I regret everyday (seriously) the way our situation unfolded. It was wrong. However, to spent the rest of my life with a scarlette letter on my chest is not good for anyone. And while no wife wants to have sympothy from the woman who "stole" her husband, my heart does go out to her. I don't like her and I don't think she is a good person but she is hurting and life is very hard for her right now and that is partially my fault and I feel remorse for that. But my life is my life and his life is his life and in the end people, not just the homewreckers, need to do what is honestly best for them. A mistake was made before the affair. The marriage was a mistake! No, the way out was not proper but it is over, we are happy and while there is not any guarantees, I don't believe it will happen to me. He isn't just "another cheating man" he was a man who left a loveless marriage for a better situation. Thank you for your time. Good day.

I think you are all wrong for the affair but you are right in that we all make mistakes. Sometimes the marriage people are in is not the right one. Sad but true that people just get in and out very easily. It really isn't something for you to carry around forever. Be careful though because trusting him and having him bail will be REAL hard and you have to stay strong for that little girl! Good luck!

Frankly, I can understand if the woman didn't know the man was indeed married but it sounds like in most of these case the women knew. What kind of person would sleep with someone elses husband? Do you have morals or value yourself as a woman? Is it low self worth? What is it. I just don't understand such a person. You're hurting a family just to fufill your needs. Honestly, I think its selfish. If you truly have regrets on your decision you would stop the affair. I'm wondering if you got pregnant on purpose to keep this jerk. Think about it. Why didn't you use birthcontrol? Anyone can get b/c nowadays. What ever happen to a married man being off limits? A mistake is something that happens one time not over and over again. Most people would say this is a malicious act you and this man is commenting. Sorry to mean but you are purposely ruining a family. No, punishment won't happen to adulters but someone should bring the other woman to reality. Men say whatever they need to get you into their bed. If he's so happy why don't he leave? Nowadays you can get a divorce and ask for equal custody. There is no accuse to cheat and stay in a loveless marriage. You say you don't like his wife and life is horrible for him. How do you know? He could just be saying this to keep you in his bed until he find someone. A cheating husband will never be faithful. He cheats b/c he likes/wants to cheats. It has nothing to do with the wife. He wants s_x with someone. He's having s_x with you and his wife. His poor wife can get a STD from your "mistake". Seriously, you don't regret your situation or you would stopped it before getting pregnant. Sadly you think you're special or better than his wife. I wonder what he's saying when he's having s_x with her?

It look like you ladies fell in love with the wrong guy. All you can do is take care of your child and try to raise him or her the best you know how. I hope all works out for the best. It only told me 300 dollars to get out of a loveless marriage. Just thought you gals should know this. Take care

Hello, ladies....I just wanted to share a little about my situation. I am a 47 year old woman with 3 beautiful daughters and 9 wonderful grandchildren. I have a loving husband whom I have been married to for 22 years. Our oldest daughter will be 24 in April. The reason for all the details is that I too was the "other" woman. My husband and I had an affair and I got pregnant. It took over a year for us to fix the situation but we did and our life is what it is because we did. No it wasn't correct but it was love and still is. My point is that it isn't always a matter of just s_x. Our childrens lives are as normal as it gets, he doesn't cheat on me and I don't deserve any punishment. Don't get me wrong and think that Im promoting such immoral behavior I just think that there is a lot of harsh things being said about situations people can not trully understand unless you are in it. Well I could right a book about the whole thing, but I'll spare you. Those of you now pregnant, good luck, keep your chin up, and follow your heart. That man not be around but then again he MAY!

I have a situation that is similar, yet a little different than the ones I have read and I am also looking for some advice. I was with the man that I am now 8 months pregnant with, BEFORE he got married. We had the perfect relationship, we never argued and my kids were absolutely crazy about him ( 3 of which I have from a previous relationship). Last year in May, exactly 3 weeks before he was about to marry this woman, I was approached by 3 of my closest friends who told me about his wedding date and all that was to be offered in additional info at that time. I was hurt beyond repair. Well, neither her nor there, after I let most of it seep in, he eventually made contact with me again, and it was truly my choice to make the decision to start back being intimate with him. Thus, I became pregnant. In the beginning, he was very happy with it. He more or less was looking for a reason to get out of a marriage that he said he made a mistake in committing to in the first place, but shortly thereafter, he switched it up on me and wanted me to have an abortion because he said the wife was very vindictive and if she found out, it would be too devastating to his only child, whom he has has full custody of since she was 2 months old. (She is now 12). Well, I was already 4 months into my pregnancy, had shared my news with my children and I had already started preparing for a new addition to the household. To make matters a little more complicated, I found out a few weeks later that I was having a boy and at that point in time since he and I were no longer speaking, he didn't know. It was when I was almost 7 months pregnant, that he made contact again and apologized, but with very mixed emotions. He wants to be intimate with me, but have nothing to do with the baby and he hasn't told his sister, his mother or his father, and he has made it clear that he won't be doing so...nor does he intend on telling the wife. What should I do?

Wosilla, I get so tired of women who willfully and intentionally sleep with married men, and then want to be elevated to 'wife' status and demand sympathy and support for herself and her plight. And pleeeeeease stop parading those precious brats before the world as the reason why the man YOU slept with should be with you and only you. You were both wrong. You for sleeping with a married man, and him for cheating on his wife. He is never going to leave his wife for you and marry you. In fact you are probably instrumental in ruining his marriage, and he will discard you quickly should his marriage fail. (Even if he gets divorced, he wont rush to the altar to make you the next Mrs. Lowlife) At any rate, stop running to his wife crying about it, you werent worried if she knew about you BEFORE you were pregnant and then dumped, why run to her now? Stop attacking other women he will be interested in simply because he is done using you and wishes to move on. Stop driving around stalking him and his wife. Stop calling folks bad mouthing his wife or any other women he is involved with. (Oh you thought YOU were the only one? Oh no wait, you didnt think he would treat YOU like that, right? ) Grow up and get a clue. You act like a spoiled brat only because you are angry and bitter that the baby you conceived did NOT get you the husband you wanted. And NOW you want revenge. This goes out to yourself and every other woman who decides to throw her legs open to a married man thinking (demanding) that he will leave his wife for you. That doesnt make you special in his eyes, it earns you the t_tle of a homewrecking tramp. And your child will forever be a testimony to that. And the poor kid(s) will be branded with that kind of shame of your wreckless actions as his or her conception. Great way to start the kid's life. Go Mom!

I happened to come across this forum by a google search. I notice that there hasn't been any recent posts lately, but I am still hoping that someone on here can give me some advice without being too critical. My situation is similar, yet different. I am the 'other woman.' The man I have been seeing is in fact married. And sadly, I've known that from the very beginning. We met through work, although we do not actually work together. And we were a__sociates for a while, both in relationships, (my relationship has long been over, but I wasn't married.) As time went by, we became close, and after spending long periods of time together, we became intimate and eventually fell in love. I have no doubt this man loves me. And I love him as well. He has a 10 yr old daughter by his wife, which is why he has never divorced. (And yes, I know this to be true.) His work sends him away for weeks and months at a time, which is when we are together. Which is far more time spent with me than the few days a month he spends at home. He has told his wife about our affair.....and for a while she continued to call me. I never answered her calls or called her back. Eventually I changed my number so I wouldn't continue to receive unwanted msgs from her. She's determined to work things out with him...which is her perogative. Altho he continues to be with me. But now, things between us have taken a drastric turn. 2 weeks ago I discovered that I was pregnant. I'm 28, never been married, and never really wanted to. I do not want to keep this child. He, however, is adamant that I do. I have been selfish continuing this relationship with him, knowing that his wife is desperate to hold onto him. (They have been married for 10 years, when she became pregnant at 20.) However, I fear now, that if we were to have this child, ultimately, it would be his daughter who is hurt the most. I know his wife's beliefs well enough to realize that she will think of this baby as an abomination. She has held his daughter over his head so many times because of this affair, that I'm certain if this child was carried to term, his daughter would instantly and always despise it. She would be taught to see me and our baby as the cause of everything that went wrong. And as a result, both children (his daughter and ours together) would suffer. And my greatest fear is that she will forever resent her father....which is exactly what I do not want. I am not a hurtful or vengeful person. I adore the close bond she has with her father. I would never do anything to come in between that. His wife is full aware that they have only stayed married because of their daughter....nothing more. And I've known this long before he and I ever got together. But that's really irrelevant. What is important right now is me being pregnant. I'm not ready to change my lifestyle at this point in my life, and I certainly do not feel comfortable bringing an innocent life into an unstable enviroment. I commend women who are strong enough to do so, kudos to them. I, however, am not. I don't want to destroy his relationship with his daughter. And I've expressed this to him. And yet he is still committed to me having this baby. I've prayed for a miscarriage. I've even considered going in for the procedure and just telling him I lost the baby. But I can't bring myself to be deceptive about this situation. This is just as much his child as it is mine. So I want him to face reality and come to terms with what I feel is best in our particular situation. I need and want his support in this decision. Any advice is welcome. Even if its bitter. I'm a big girl. I can handle it. (AND AS A FOOT NOTE..... to all of the 'wives' on here who say the 'other' woman should abort their children.... here's some food for thought.... when a woman becomes pregnant, whether it be by HER husband or YOURS, that child is just as much a part of her as it is a part of him. No woman should ever abort because of who she's pregnant by or because someone wishes for her to. If I was ready to become a mother, whether he was happy about it or not.....I WOULD CHOOSE TO HAVE MY BABY BECAUSE IT IS JUST AS MUCH A PART OF ME as it is the father...not because I was being vengeful or spiteful.)

Nicholle you sound like me - your intention your relationship - so many things you said - when i was in this position - i seeked advise and answers on this forum - bad idea - very bad - anyway - i have a 10 month old by a married man that ive been with for 7 years (not anymore) dated him for two under the impression he was divorced - when i got pregnant - he cried to me everyday and begged for me not to go through with the abortion - i wne for one 4 times - out of my control for many odd reasons - never happened - had a VERY bad pregnancy - madly in love with my boy - but it is the LONLIEST feeling i have ever had - coming to these forums to help you make the BIGGEST decision of your life is not the way to do it - right off the bat - you do not sound like you are ready to COMMIT your life to a child - i am 30 and i was far from it - wanted to give the baby for adoption because of the guilt - i felt he would be better off with a couple than being a product of an affair or a love child - i love him to death but it is VERY HARD being a single parent AND having a married man as the babys father - a lot of humiliation for myself and my family and who knows what my boy is going to feel if he hasnt left her yet - chances are hes not - same for her - im sure that he loves you - prob married out of habit or for his daughter or whatever - same thing with my ex - married young cause she got pregnant - what makes her kids more important than mine - i would love to talk to you - hopefully help you out as much as i could - please think hard about this - was a very horrible time for me back and fourth etc. and im still suffering - my baby is the most amazing thing ever - but the experience is SO lonely - think of how lnely it feels to have a marrried guy as a boyfriend - imagine having a baby from a married man

Dear Nicholle, Reading your post took me back to when I found this site approx. 18 months ago. My daughter is now 10 months old and such an angel. I used this site for venting and so much more, and took in each and every post the good and yup there were some horrid replies!! I like you was nervous about telling the father, and since everything has come about I found out so many facts. I was on the pill, but he chose to not tell me he had been previously tested and had what was supposedly labeled "super sperm", my reason for sharing this is that he has told me several times that knowing this he was hoping the pill would not work and that I would become pregnant with his child. That of course has no bearing on anything at this point, and he and I are in such different places now than we were then. But what I will offer you is the option to discuss anything with you, such as the rollercoaster I have been on for 18 months since learning of my pregnancy as well since the birth of my beautiful daughter 10 months ago. I get a strong feeling of conflict from your post, as you state that you believe a child has a right to be born no matter what the situation yet you think you may want to terminate the pregnancy for anothers benefit. The father of my baby actually did ask me to abort, but has since apologized and says he knew I never would. The wife also prayed I miscarry, told him he would not be part of my daughter's life and insisted my child be put up for adoption. Abortion just was not an option for my personal self, and I even discussed with the father that should I even consider it I would be doing it for him and his wife which had no bearing or reality of the unborn child I was carrying. I knew and know that I was playing with fire just as I personally knew I was going to carry to term. I foolishly trusted the pill, but on the other hand I love my daughter endlessly and do not in any way wish her not here. The very best advice I personally can offer you is to continue to use this site or any forum you find helpful as you struggle with this pregnancy and the choice you are facing. How far along are you? Here to share and listen if you life, sincerely..."me too"

to dahliasamuel & me too....I cant begin to imagine what it would be like to go through with this pregnancy....ultimately I realize that it is my decision, it is my body, my life and just as much my baby as it is his. But yet at the same time, I don't want to go against his beliefs, I want him to see things my way. Maybe that's selfish of me...maybe not..I guess it's a matter of opinion. Thing is, I'm not lonely in this relationship. I am with him for weeks at a time. I go to sleep with him every night and wake up beside him every morning. Maybe 5 to 7 days out of each month, he is at home. And I welcome those moments. I see it as "me" time. I get to go home as well and spend time with my friends and do my little things I love to do. Maybe in the beginning I might've felt lonely...and I expressed my doubts and feelings to him, shortly thereafter he came clean to his wife about us. She didn't figure things out. He told her. He has asked for a divorce and they are currently going through counseling. Not marriage counseling, but family counseling so that his wife and his daughter can learn to accept things as they are and get the neccessary help to move forward. She knows he doesn't want to be married, but he does care for her and he loves his daughter dearly and he wants to make the transition as smooth as possible. He hasn't been happy for a long time, but stayed married out of obligation. He had one affair (other than me) 6 years ago, and he was the one who came clean about that one as well. She chose to stay with him....or more like, either he stayed with her, or he wouldn't see his daughter....personally, that's my take on the situation.(and before any of you say that I'm 'sitting in the dark' being naive....just know that I know this to be the truth...not only from him....but from the msgs she used to leave on my voicemail.) He has even said to me on countless occasions, that whether or not he and I stay together or not.....that he is finally at peace with who he is and what he wants in life. All of my friends know that he is married and know his situation.... they adore him and usually take his side on 'everything.' including this pregnancy. Which is why I've reached out for advice from complete strangers. My finances are of no issue, so this is not a choice based on monetary stress. I love my life as it is. I don't feel as if I'm missing anything, and I'm not ready for things to get flipped upside down. Becoming pregnant was a complete suprise... and not a good one. He was originally excited, which angered me intensely....we've had a few heated discussions on the matter, and he still won't budge...I feel as if he holds resentment towards me for suggesting termination. And then he gets quiet and pushes the subject out of mind. This is so stressful. Luckily, he went home 2 days ago, and he won't return until tomorrow, so I've had the last couple of days to just take a breather and reflect. But when I see him tomorrow, he will pretend that all is fine until I bring it up again....Which I will continue to do until he sees things from the true perspective. I knew from the beginning he was pro-life. I am pro-choice. So precautions were taken. To no avail. Now I've gotten myself in a world of mess. I don't want to hurt him or our relationship. I am content with where things are. I guess I should consider myself one of the lucky ones.

very early. 7 weeks along.

Dearest Nicholle, I tell you that each time I read your words I can so vividly remember my own turmoil of when I learned I was pregnant and the struggles of the months ahead of me at that time. I spent more time with the father of my baby than did his spouse as well, and he told me countless times that he knew I came into his life for a reason and never would he regret anything. That is why he told me he is glad that I was having his child, that way he knew i would forever be in his life. Raising our child is a whole other story, we are not together nor will we ever be. And because of that there are so many conflicts that occur daily in regards to our communication as parents. I have 2 other daughters now age 7 & 10, and he has a now 3 year old daughter. I worried so much about how my own children would come to terms with this new baby, but to my surprise they embraced their new sister and we have had many discussions on why she has a different father etc. There are so many others who do and will judge our choices and decisions, but the bottom line is we must do what works for our own life and live with our own choices. The father of my baby is such a wonderful loving father; I have seen this with his other daughter. But unfortunately he is not there yet with our daughter, he is unable yet to be a strong man and be a strong source of love for our child. Instead he chooses to hide behind others and continually make excuses that are in his own mind taking any blame or responsibility off of him for any of his actions. We battle constantly over such trivial things, but the basis of our differences come down to one simple thing….I am raising our daughter and only have her best interests in mind every single minute, he on the other hand is so afraid to be what is necessary that he is allowing others and other factors to pull at him which cause him to make selfish and unrealistic choices and demands for our child. He is basically allowing our daughter to be punished and suffer because of what he feels and felt for me, but is angry that I no longer feel such for him and have lost all respect for him as a man. Yet I continue to go out of my way to encourage the bond between him and our daughter, the way I see it is the relationship he will have with her can only be determined by him and his own actions. I will not be the woman who got in the way or prevented her from getting to know him at all, what my daughter feels or will feel for him will be a result of their own relationship. I do not speak ill of him in front of my older daughters and will not do so in front of the daughter he and I share as she is older. Have you been to the dr. yet? Have you been able to discuss your options and/or choices with anyone you trust to help you as you struggle? I myself was 24 when I had my first daughter and I thought I was so not ready, but then maternal instincts kicked in and I found myself hopelessly in love with her. I encourage you to explore these feelings, fears, and options you are facing any way you can and as often as you can right now. Whether you choose to carry to term or terminate there is such a long road ahead for you. Ask me anything or feel free to vent as you need, just know that I will continue to read your posts and be of any help I can. Sincerely, Me too

me too.... you're amazing. Too bad I don't have any friends like you. My friends are amazing, don't get me wrong.....they just have never found themselves in my situation. They believe they understand as well as anyone since they know both me and "the guy" so well.....half of my friends think its too soon and are sided on me with termination and the other half are siding with him. Family isn't anyone I can turn to, they all live in germany and do not speak english. My father who moved over here 34 years ago, pa__sed away 5 years ago. I'm the only member of my family to be born a U.S. citizen. So since his pa__sing, my friends have become the only family I have. I know as a single woman, that it doesn't matter who you're dating or in love with, married or not, that nothing is forever. Personally, after getting to know so many married men in my life (platonicly of course, except for this one I'm with now) that I have yet to meet a man that was truly 100% happy in their marriage. I don't ever want to become one of the statistics. So my childhood fantasy of a big beautiful wedding disipitated years ago. Being single is a way of life that I have chosen for myself. And I'm happy with my choice. If things between me and "the guy" don't work out...well he wasn't the first man I was in love with, so he won't be the last. I've broken hearts and had mine broken as well. You just scramble to pick up the pieces and move forward onto bigger and brighter things. I will be seeing him tonight. He should arrive early evening. I am willing to hear his perspective for the first time since the 'news'. Although, in the end it is ultimately my choice, and my choice alone. I went to the dr already, within a week after my missed period. I have been pregnant before, with 2 m/c.(not by this guy) I am considered high risk (altho my threat goes down in about 1 1/2 wks)because from the ultrasound the drs say the baby is low on my placenta as tho it has attatched and reattatched. I guess secretly, I am hoping it just goes away on it's own, so I personally won't have to deal with it. And then there's my friends who have put the thought into my head that.....if a miscarriage doesnt happen, its for a reason, that it's meant for me to have this child...which is exactly how "the guy" feels. I'm just so torn. Torn over the 'right thing' for me, and torn between the 'right thing' for everyone else, and torn between even knowing what the 'right thing' is anymore. For me, having a strong father figure is important. My father was the one who raised me, while my mother decided she wasn't ready and went back home to germany. (she hated the U.S. and my father refused to leave) So I never really knew her. Personally, I turned out just fine with only 1 parent. My dad never remarried. He dove into his career and spent time with me. We were very close. And I wouldn't change it for the world. God I'm confused. I just keep on rambling.