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in response to the one who questioned my baby deserving to know it's father and family...sure my child deserves it. But only the father can decide if he wants that or not. What I am doing is what I feel is right, I am having this baby with or without his support. Wrong or not, this is my choice. I have told him he can know this child, and I will never deny him contact with this child. But right now he is worried about his a__s, his family, I am of minimal concern. So just as I must be strong for this baby, I am being strong for myself too. This is not a time where we can sit and feel sorry for ourselves, we must be strong and the men can only do what they want at this point. We choose to have this child, and he gets to go home to his family and not be the one who deals with the baby. But complaining about this will do us no good, if we choose to carry this child then we are wise and strong enough to know we can do this!!

YOU GOT IT I'M BACK............. GUESS WHAT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT READ THE TRUTH! HERE IT IS... I APPRECIATE YOUR WORDS OF "SOMEWHAT" ENCOURAGEMENT TO THE SISTER IN NEED OF HELP... BUT LETS FACE IT! IF YA CAN'T STAND THE HEAT GET OUT - THE KICTHEN! PEOPLE LUST AND SIN IT UP IN THE BED ROOM AND WHEN IT'S TIME TO REAP WHAT THEY SOW- PEOPLE WANT SIMPATHY- PLEASE-----THE PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD TODAY IS THAT MOST PEOPLE SHY AWAY FROM THE TRUTH- WE ARE LIVING IN A "EVERYTHING GOES SOCIETY" THEN WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE GIVING IT TO THEM RAW AND REAL- THEN PEOPLE LIKE ME ARE BEING COMDEMED! WELL GUESS WHAT I'M NOT GOING TO BITE MY TOUNGE FOR MY VIEW POINTS! MAYBE BY PUTTING IT SO RAW AND BLUNT MANY SISTERS WOULDN'T BE SO NAIVE IN THEIR DESSION MAKING! YES MEN ARE FULL OF SHI#@ YES THEY LIE - YES THEY CHEAT- SO KNOWING THIS INFO- WHICH HAD INFACT BEEN HAPPING SINCE BIBLICAL DAYS- WOULDN'T THAT GIVE WOMEN A SMALL BIT OF INSIGHT TO BE THE MORE PRECAUTIOUS? DAH! WE HAVE TO BE STRONGER! WE HAVE TO BE WISER WER HAVE TO PROTECT OURSELVES AND NOT GET SO CAUGHT UP EMOTIONALY WHEN s_x IS INVOLVED!! NO ONE WANTS TO HER THE TRUTH--- MOST WANT ME TO SAY...ok baby you ok... PLEASE SHE KNEW- HE KNEW NOW THEY MUST FACE THE MUSIC!! SO DO YOU THAT WHY YOU ARE DEFENDING SIN! I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH HURT...:)

What I am not understanding "think" is that you seem to think we don't want to face the truth. The point I think we are trying to make is that YOU have no PLACE to throw judgement. There is a difference between giving opinions and just being judgemental. You seem very pa__sionate-So why don't you find another website to express your "pa__sionate views". The women on here don't want your sympathy..we have everything we need in Christ. But like I said before...people like you were put on this earth to make us stronger. And by the way...Im glad you recognize that these things happened in the Biblical times...Im sure all of us (even you) are a product of someone "sinning" Be "Blessed"

AMEN "MOMMIE" Hopefully we will shut "think" up...all that preaching and judging, and telling us we want sympathy is wrong. she obviously has not been reading the postings well or can not understand them..and we all know what we are dealing with without hearing ANOTHER negative voice..because no matter what, I dstick true to my words....EVEN OUT OF MESS, GOD WILL BLESS!

Fellow compa__sionate women, we all are taking a chance using this site for support. I say that those who choose to use this site to condemn those of us in situations they do not "really" know about or understand, just don't deserve our energy. Let them post, say words to us that really are their own disappointments in other areas of something they are not happy about in their lives. And we can continue to seek support and strength in numbers. There is always one who tries to ruin things, let them try. From what I am getting here, and from what I read from others who really are trying this can be a good thing! So keep talking, keep helping others, and save our energy for our families we are building. An old teacher of mine from grade school used to always say "don't feed the monkeys" ..meaning those who are seeking attention by acting out just are not worth it. So let's stop feeding the monkey(s) and be strong together!!

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 & 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

Why on earth did you even bother to tell his wife and family. If you had in fact been with him for 2 years then you should have known he was not going to leave his wife for you. IIts not my intension to upset anyone here, but i have been in a similar situation as you (me being the wife), and i know how upsetting this can be. I however did tell my dh that it was entirely up to him if he wanted to see his baby, but i wanted nothing to do with it. I had a mouthful of abuse from the other woman saying that it was my fault that her baby had no daddy. I did point out to her though, that he is MY husband and SHE was the other woman, she should have been more sensible (as well as him) in taking precautions or even better kept her legs crossed. Looking at the situation now, my advice to any woman having an affair with a married man is this, have more respect for yourself, if he is not willing to be entirely with you then is it worth having a relationship with him, if the affair is going on for a period of time you need to ask yourself why he is still with his wife, he more than likely has a good marriage and is in fact lying to you about 'what its really like'. As i have already said it is not my intension to upset anyone, i just wanted to give a little advice and insite in what its like for the wife in a situation like this. My situation has turned my world upside down, i have been married for 10 years and have fertility problems, so this was the ultimate betrayal. I have had 2 m/c the last was a result of being told my husband had had an affair and got the other woman pregnant. I myself am the sort of person who does not give up easy though, i took my vows and intend to keep them. It was my dh decision not the see the baby and we are going though counselling to help in our relationship. Ladies if you are having an affair with a married man, please think about the consequenses and the upset that you both could cause by doing this.

To the entry about the husband not sing tha baby..I could understand ur point about u not seing the baby especially with the fertility problems and all but_t really pulled on my heart when u said that ur husband decided not to see the baby, so now we have a child, imagine a innocent life/baby/toddler/teen who was brought into this world by the acts of TWO adults, ur husband and girlfriend, and then he just says Forget the baby, how selfish and wrong can that be? Do you understand my point? He has no right to injure this child by not acknowledging it, it will be hard, but the baby has no choice as of what situation it is born into..I am the other woman and am sorry for all the hurt and pain caused to u and the woman of my situation, and it was 2 yrs, I was truly deceived and a man can make u really think that what he is sayingis true, i wish could of spent a week in my shoes and thenu would know. Please consider making ur husband responsible for the life he made, we have enough children suffering in the world, why make another? Imagine if u did get pregnant and he left ur baby, would u be so understanding?

To Understsanding. I do understand what your saying, and i do understand that women a can be taken in by such things and such men. Everybodys situation is different. I had told my husband that it was his choice whether or not he wanted to see the baby and his initial decision was that he wanted to be a part of the babys life , which i completely understood and respected, i however was not strong enough at the time to personally have any contact with the baby, which i explained to him that with time would probably change. The dilema he had though was after speaking to the other woman, she herself had decided that if he didnt want her it also meant he didnt want the baby, and no amount of talking would change her mind, which of course resulted in him having no contact with his son. I myself had said to her exactly what you said to me, that the child has done nothing wrong and deserves the right to know both parents, but to no avail. My husband does support the baby financially and all his personal details and pictures and such are with the other womans mother, who gladly took them with the hope that 1 day the baby will want to know who his father is. Im trying not to be bitter about the situation and have since talked to the babys grandmother (who happens to be very understanding) and explained my feelings about the situation and her daughter, not so much about the affair but the events which have taken place since she became pregnant. Both myself and my husband have hope that the baby will grow up and realise that his father not seeing him was not because he didnt want to, and we both expect one day for either the other woman or the baby (when he is old enough) to get in touch and resume the relationship of father and son. I hope your opinion of me changes, and would like to add that i dont blame the other woman for the affair, but am disgusted with what she is doing now, its just my wish that all women have more respect for themselves. If i wasnt married i wouldnt be in this relationship now. Its only that i have strong beliefs that faith in God that i am still here and able to talk about this now.

to"iii" after i read your 1st response about why is he still with his wife, because he is pribably lying, well in those lines you gave me some insight and opened my eyes..i knew but did not want to know out of love for him..because no matter what our sin we(the other women) hurt too, and right now I am hurting a lot..I do thnk of u differently since th "other woman " obviously is using the baby against ur husband and she will inthe end be sorry, if her son finds out the truth and know that she kept him from his father out of spite...but as the other woman, how can I get him to understand that I am a person too and he is not only hurting his wife, but me..he goes back between us and has us hating each other when he is the bearer of all the problems..he plays games and lies and now I feel like I am caught up...I want and really need some strength to tight the wrong I have done, also I have apologized to the wife but only because he wanted me to pretend like we stopped butwe didn't, at the time I was not really ready to end it but now I know that it is time, it is long overdue..thanks for being able to talk to me even though I am the "other woman" because some of us are truly good people with bad mistakes..

To understanding...We are all good people at heart, we just get ourselves into stupid situations. I honestly dont think there is any way you can make him understand how you feel, it seems to me that he thinks he got his cake and is eating it too... You need to be strong for you and your child, and tell him that enough is enough and stick to your guns. He will soon realise what he has done and probably try to come running back, but dont listen to him. Youve reached the biggest hurdle your going to face, and that is the realisation of what youve done and what he is really like (a big fat lier). Im here if you want to talk and get advice. But i would also like to thank you for speaking to me and giving me an insight as to what is like to be the 'other woman'..

To !!!, I know understanding enough to know that what she is sharing is genuine! She really is such a kindhearted woman and as her friend I truly appreciate you being so kind to her. As for myself yes I too am the other woman, my situation is different but it does not make it any easier or okay at all. I was given the choice to terminate or keep. And by choosing to keep he would have to fess up and no longer be able to lie. He wanted me to terminate, but I couldn't. So by default he was forced to come clean. Then he tried to only tell part of the truth, but he has realized that the only way to deal with this properly is to be honest to all. I am going to sound so horrid, but I never ever wanted him for myself. And I can honestly say I have no genuine excuses for myself, they are useless at this point anyhow. I am having this child, and he is slowly beginning to realize that he is the one who has to choose now. I choose to love and nurture this life, it has no choice and will never know there was a moment where only one of us wanted him/her. I don't know what the future holds in any sense except for the fact I still do not see this as a punishment I just can't. I am finding myself not so alone as I expected, and what I am hearing is that mistakes happen and if we are able to admit that and find ways to improve our lives and move forward from here then who we really are inside can still exist. I don't know if any of what I have said is necessary or makes any sense but I guess for me to hear the other womans side is something I needed as well. I do feel for the wife, and I did believe she did need the truth. Because by minimizing what happened could potentially affect how my child is treated and I just cannot allow that.

Hello "iii" thanks for listening and being able to realize that we (other women) might need to have women like you (wives) work with us to end theses situations.. I see that "me too" a friend of mine posted, thank you for calling me a good person, u have helped me so much.. Well to everyone, he called and came over and I talked and talked about my feelings, how I let my emotions blind me to what is right, his wife, our baby and he admitted to not wanting to leave her b/c of her feelings, but not wanting to let me go b/c of my feelings and baby, I told him that it is no longer his choice.. I do not deserve to be anyones' 2nd and that i have allowed him to let me degrade myself by staying in the situation..he can see baby whenever he wants but not in my room in the living room and if he trys to act a fool with me, I will call his wife personally...It was so hard, I kept choking on my words and was scared to let go of the last two years because he is all I knew, we actually had a real relationship..but as "me too:" said, there is strength in numbers and i can not believe that by my writing on the internet this is helping me out of bad situations..Thanks everyone who is supporting me I will share a motto that i already gave "me too"...it says "Stop Thinking about what I have lost/or may lose, instead look forward to what there is to GAIN!!!"

I too am a wife. My situation is a little differant. My husband and I were split up for almost a year. He had five month relationship with another woman during our split up. When he and I decided to try to work things out is when we found out that she was 6 weeks pregnant. (They hadn't seen each other in a month.) It was hard at first for me to except that he was going to have a child with someone else. But we worked through it. The girlfriend would call our house all the time crying and upset about him leaving her. We had to change our phone number. Then we would get letters from her all the time asking him if he was going to be a daddy or a father. He always told her he would be there for the baby financially and to help raise her. The baby is here now and my husband wants to be a part of her life so bad. I support him in it. (She is a beautiful baby it is not her fault.) Her mother refuses to let him be a part of her life. The only way he can see her is if my husband goes to her house to see her. She does not want him to take her anywhere. The baby is 3 months old and he has only seen her 3 times. His family has not gotten to see her. He calls every week to check on her. It is just so frustrating for him because he wants to be in her life and she is not letting him.

To "c" if your husband really wants to see his child and she will not let him, he can make sure he is paying child support, get a paternity test and get visitation that way b/c whether she wants to or not she can be ordered in court to let him see the baby..hopefully she will open her eyes before all this has to happen and think of the baby that she obviously did not make by herself..i do not know all the details but maybe she feel slighted b/c they were together and then he came back to u, maybe she did not think it was possible and had the wrong impression..she will have to get over her pain before she will stop using the baby as a tool.. i hope everything works out...

To understanding... You should be very proud of yourself. I hope you now feel like you have your self respect back 100%. Like you said you deserve to be number 1 in a relationship or at least number 2 after your child and not another woman. What you have done must be very hard, and will continue to be just as hard or even at times harder until one day it isnt an issue. If you find it difficult being in on your own with him, then dont, ask a friend or family member to be around when he visits. He may think by doing that that you cant resist him, but what it will really mean is that you have stopped letting him control that part of your life. His wife too will in time realise that you are now doing a good thing and helping her, yourself and your child get though the situation with no chance of history repeating itself, and she will then be able to start to forgive you and her husband for what has happened. Im saying this as a wife as i know that if the 'other woman' in my situation had done this i would have been able to move forward and build my trust with my husband a lot quicker than what i am at the moment. The other woman in my situation is still trying to get my husband to go back to her, my husband shows me text messages she sends him asking him to go back to her and have a life as a family in her home. My husband shows these ma__sages to me so that i can start to trust that he has learnt from his mistakes and will (hopefully) never do it again. She has even sent a message saying that it is my fault she is in this situation and i dont deserve to have children with my husband, and this was proved when i miscarried. My only wish at this time would be for her to realise the things she has said and done and apologise to me and to let my husband see his son. We all make mistakes, but its only when we face up to that that the mistakes can be put right.