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Hello Reluctant, Whatever you decide, I'd be cautious about adopting and people suggesting you can "get around the father". They're his kids too, so if he wants to keep them, then you should get him to sign legal doc_ments stating he will have full custody. If he is not willing to do this, then he needs to sign over parental rights. But he is still the father and has a say in this (or at least he SHOULD despite legal loopholes). I am single and trying to adopt or conceive a child. Adoption is tricky for singles, unless I want to go international adoption and pay a lot of money, and ttc is tricky because the donor process is a mess. I'd love to be considered for adopting your kids if you do go that route. But I think this is a big big thing that you and the father should sit down with a lawyer or other sort of mediator and figure out. I would suggest having a family meeting...you, him, the grandparents and decide what is best for everyone, including the babies. Try and have a mediator in the room (like go to a family counselor or lawyer) as this will help facilitate communication and hopefully prevent things from melting down and becoming a shouting match.. best of luck and email me if you would like to consider me for adoption or just would like to chat: indygrrl34@yahoo.com

dont think you deserve them, you sound so immature for your age, and i think your just been selfish, let the father have them, you have asked for advice and then thrown it in peoples faces, i think your just taking the p__s. move over and let someone with a genuine problem have this spot.

I can't believe the response to Reluctant's question. Nor can I believe that a single pregnant woman has to defend herself on a site that is supposed to support single pregnant women! I WAS shocked when I saw the question too, but I honestly don't think anybody on this site should pa__s judgement. We are all in difficult situations and I'm sure none of them are by choice. I'm not on a high horse or anything, but I came to this website for support and I believe Reluctant did too. I think it was brave of her to admit her true feelings, especially since they are not common (or so it seems). Personally, I have never considered giving my baby up for adoption but I was adopted and it was the only reason I'm in a postion to support my child emotionally and financially. Had I been raised by my mother (who wasn't capable of raising me the way she wanted me to be raised) there is no telling where I would be now. Although I can't relate to Reluctant's feelings about adoption, I do respect the fact that she is asking for advice and emotional support. I know that isn't easy. With regard to the babies, I think you should listen to heart. Only you know what your capable of and only you know whats best for the two little people growing inside of you. Just because it hasn't come to you yet doesn't mean it won't. At some point during your pregnancy (probably once the emotional phase is over) you will come to a decision and you may be right or wrong. But you should always remember that you did the best you can with what you have. I wish you the best.

I was raised without a mother and that doesnt make me anyless of a women than you are, but I can tell you something I am a single mother pregnant with my 2nd child, and I believe you are being selfish, if you cant afford another child then why would you even have s_x or put yourself in the position to get pregnant, and I really dont think that you should be talking so much c___p about your babies father, he at least wants his babies and wants to care and love for them. money doesnt make the world go round hunny, and if your not emotionally "capable" of taking care of another child, then you should have your 6yr old taken away until you get "stable" because it doesnt take "more" love to take care of another child or 2 children. But seen as you dont WANT your babies, then give them to someone who does, like the father or an adopted family.

Hi Reluctant I think that the choice is yours whether you decide to keep them or not. The father sound great if wants to keep them, but I agee with you if he is not stable enough than he might not do a good job. Maybe both of you could ask for help or get a__sistance to help you. Right now I would ask him if he is going to support them financially and emotionally because he can say that today and be gone the next. Not all married couples can support their kids and not all single. People do not realize married or a father and mother household have financial problems also. Some single parents can support their kids believe me I am doing it. So hang in there and do not think your choice is a bad one,but the best one for you.

Honey, I was in a similar situation just over 3 years ago. I was 21 when I found out i was pregnant with twins - I did not want them and my partner did. My partner is now happily married raising my twin girls while I see them every other weekend. Life worked out for us and I really hope it does for you too. There is no way that I could be raising twins right now on my salary and my lifestyle - yeh I could have changed it but when I found out my partner wanted the babies more than me...I was happy for him to raise them. Yes they know that I am there mum - they call me mum but handing them over to my ex partner - someone who I knew could give them the better life...was the best decision I ever made. Good luck.

Im really sorry but you know what i am twenty four years old and have two kids and one on the way so i believe if you feel so strongly about not wanting more childern you should have taken the right precations you are old enough to do so so i dont think anyone should feel sorry for you i hope some one that desurves those babies ends up with them. Sorry if you think i am to harsh.

USE BIRTHCONTROL IDIOT! Im sick of hearing women complain about being pregnant. Birth control works so use it. Its stupid when you dont use & then complain about being pregnant. This poor baby now has you for a mother. Sad

Just out of curiosity, where do most of you all live? I don't even know if this is a Canadian or an American website. If you all don't mind my asking...

From reading your posts, it sounds like you already know what to do. So why are you asking the general public for their opinion? Frankly, in reading your posts and the level of immaturity they display, I have to agree with you...you should not raise these kids. If your brother and his wife want them, then there's your answer! Unfortunately, your boyfriend does have to agree to give up his rights before they can adopt, so need to get him to agree and you better get a REALLY good lawyer. It might cost you a ton of money, but it'll be less expensive than raising twins. Call social services and see if they can help too. My advice: after you have these kids, go get some birth control: shot, injection, pills, patch...whichever you prefer. Use a condom in addition to the bc and your chances of getting pregnant (or some disease) will be significantly reduced. Kudos to you for recognizing you would not be fit to raise more kids...now go out and do something proactive to prevent this "mistake" from happening again...and lay off the posters. throwing insults at people (or their s.o's) just makes you look like the idiot.

by law, if the mother does not want the children, the father gets them next. the father would have to be deemed not fit and must relinquish his parental rights to the children before the mother adopts them to another party. good luck with your decision.

I said "I'M KEEPING MY BABIES". And to all of you who think I'm selfish and don't deserve them... you're just jealous. I'm a good mother to my 7 year old and am now looking forward to my twins. B___h about that.

Good luck to you!

Those poor children..

my god, reluctant's a b___h, she said someone can dish it out but can't take it...but it looks like its the other way around, most these people are trying to help you, and i don't see people being judgemental, you're 29, come one now, start acting your age

To "lol".... Like I said before, I never denied being a b___h, and most of the comments on here were not helpful. It was either people trying to get me to adopt the babies to them or people being critical. I may be a b___h, but at least I'm honest.