A Little Comforting And Advice Please
6 Replies
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Alright, so recently, I found out I was pregnant. I'll be 20 in August, I already have a 2 year old daughter and my Boyfriend has 2 girls of his own as well. We've been together for a year and a few months and next year are planning to get married. He's 28 and wants to buy a house by the time he's 30. Well, when the news hit, he took it pretty bad and the first thing he asks me is if I can get it taken care of. He wants me to have an abortion. He claims to be against it and knows I am too, if I was able to get one done, I probably would've done it with my first one.
He says we're not able to support one financially and that in 2 years if I want one, then we can have one. But I feel that having the abortion is the wrong thing to do and I don't feel comfortable doing it. When I expressed this to him, he said its either I get the abortion or he leaves me, signs over all his rights to me and wants nothing to do with the baby. He says that if I get this done, him and I will be perfectly fine and can move one and become stronger as a couple. I just don't know what to do. Him and his girls, along with my daughter, are the most important things in my life and for him to say that after a year with me hurts like Hell. I was told I'm about 6 weeks along and by the time I have the abortion, I'll be 10 or 11 weeks along. It feels wrong but I feel like I have no other choice if I want to keep him in my life. I know I could raise this baby and give it all the love and support it needs but I want my boyfriend to be in its life as well. Any advice would be great. I just need some comforting mostly please.
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First of all, I'm no legal expert but i don't think he can just wave his rights as a father, He can choose not to be involved but that doesn't get him off the hook for child support. Second, you might want to remind him that s_x can equal pregnancy, seems like he would have caught on to that already. I can't tell you what decision to make, you are going to have to listen to your heart on that one. I can tell you this, what makes a great husband is someone who is there for you no matter what and is supportive whan you are faced with difficult situations. What I see is a man who is giving you an ultimatium, he is making you choose between him and your child, that doesn't seem very supportive to me. Good luck.
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Ouch! This man may be a keeper, his logic may be irrefutable, but he does not understand how it feels to have a life started, and then have to terminate. As long as you can keep track of his whereabouts, he will be paying child support, and his att_tude to involvement may change. You should be able to arrange termination with less than a 4 week time lag if you look around. Good luck!
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Floricica you are right. My post was pretty much pure stupidity but its exactly what's going on in my life. Thank you so much for the advice or your opinions to everyone. I've thought long and hard about the "situation" as he likes to call it and I've decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. I looked at it from these two point of views: "Which one can I do and live with myself afterwards?" and the answer is, I'd rather go through with the pregnancy because I know I'm strong enough to support and take care of the child with or without it's father. I'll leave the decision up to him whether he wants to stay in its life or not.
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I really think you are making the right decision. I feel abortion is just wrong too! I also can't believe your boyfriend would try and make you choose. What a selfish man! I don't think you will regret leaving him he does sound like a loser. Sure being a mom is hard but it is so rewarding!
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I am so glad you made that choice. My sister choose the other choice and terminated her pregnancy. She never fully got over it. She always blamed him and it ended up causing them to get a divorce (yes they were married and he did that!). So you always need to go with your heart. If you would have chose him it wouldnt have worked out if you blamed him. Like others stated...he may come around once he sees his child. Good luck!
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I think you have made the perfect decision. I am very happy to hear the good news! and congratulations!!!!!!
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