Unwanted

6 Replies
AylaRose - August 23

Ok ladies, I have a question or some advice on how to handle this. I am 7 weeks pregnant. Two days after I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend went out of state to visit a family member. He wont be back for another 3 months. I am back at home finishing school up and working.. Him not being here makes things so much harder on me! I want him to be here to experience it together. He is going to miss alot and i dont want that! I am now feeling like I dont want this baby because he isnt here and is leaving me for 3 months. It bothers me because he doesnt get why i am so upset. How do I explain to him that without his help and support im feeling unwanted and I am not sure if i want the baby?

 

Krissy25 - August 23

You need to look at his actions and try and figure out what he is saying, to me it seems as if he is saying he is not ready to accept the responsibility of being a father. It is important that he be there for you but it is also important that he is earing money. Is he working wherever he is right now? With a baby comming 3 months is a long time not to be making money. I would tell him that you understand that he had planned this trip before you found out but things have really changed and he needs to come back and start taking responsiblity. Let him know that 2 lives are depending on him now, your's and the baby's. If he still doesn't come back I think you have your answer. Good luck to you and your baby, I hope this all works out.

 

AylaRose - August 23

Thank you so much for the advice! He is not working where he is at now! I am the one working! Although sooner or later i wont be able to. I understand he planned this way before we knew i was pregnant (obviously) but the fact is i now have to take care of 3 people. I also have anxiety so i have to be careful with that! Having the thoughts of not wanting the baby is killing me because i love kids! I need him to get it before its too late!

 

amanda17 - August 24

Hun, don't base this child's future on whether or not he stays with you. This is about the child, not your guys' relationship. Let's imagine your 8 months pregnant, he panics and bails out on you. You've got the nursery set up, you've found out the s_x, you've even got names picked out and you're eager to go into labor...but things get too real for him and he bolts for the door. If you can't say you'd keep your child after that, then you shouldn't keep him/her at all. Relationships break and bend and fold... a child is a life commitment.

 

AylaRose - August 24

Thank You! I guess I am basing it on the past and not now. When I was 15 I was Raped and ended up pregnant with my daughter who would have been two this year! I guess since that i sordof wanted him to be there, because of the past! I just have to let that go in a way! I have my moments where I am really excited but then there are times where I have my doubts! We acutally have the names already, we went through the baby book and decided on the names before we new I was pregnant! Just so we wouldnt have to do that during the pregnancy! Which makes things a little more exciting! If it is a girl we have Emeleigh Claire and if it is a boy we have Drew Maxwell!!!! THANK YOU LADIES FOR YOUR HELP!

 

V9653 - August 25

Also, I have to add, the first 3 months isn't too bad. It's when your further along and he can put his hand on your belly and feel the baby, or finding out the s_x, or needing him to drive cause you can't drive with a big belly in the way, or when your water breaks. Yes, it's not right that he has chosen to go ahead with his plans, even if he planned it before, but look at it this way. If he planned to go to the moon to live back when he was 5 are you going to make that same excuse for him. Cuz he did plan it before you guys got pregnant-nahhh!!! The thing about guys is that when you get pregnant, you realize right off how your life has already changed and will have to continue to change-the guy doesnt-even those who end up being great devoted fathers after the baby's born. That's why it's so hard to tell whether or not your guy is going to stick by and be responsible. The monsters are unpredictable. You could say his actions are a bad sign, and they are, but it doesn't say definitely that he is not going to be a good dad. You just have to go ahead and take care of what YOU need to take care of, if he wants to act right-fine, if not, then you can deal with the hurt without your life being in shambles. Also face reality so it doesn't hurt as much-guys can leave. They have a frigging outtie and s_x is impersonal. They don't take in anything, they don't carry a life for nine months, and their bodies don't feed the baby, and they can do what they want. The only change that occurs is their b___sack being less full right after the shootoff that caused the baby. It sucks but it is reality. He has to want to be attached and feel that he is attached and responsible, if he doesn't then he could end up attaching after being with the baby, but it could not happen. Also, understand, you are pregnant-HORMONES-so the b__w of him being gone for 3 months is amplified!!!!

 

AylaRose - August 25

I didnt want to be the kind of girlfriend to tell him "No you cant go!", even though I knew it was going to be hard on me, I just let him go! He doesnt get that I am taking care of 2 now! I guess the "Wow, Im going to be a dad" didnt set in yet! I am hoping that it will set in by the time he gets back! I am unpredictable with my hormones. He will call and talk to me but not long! especially if I am moody! Only time will tell i guess! I dont mean to be so moody or b___hy... I have a whole new person who is going to change me and who is going to need me! The baby is going to need him too! He wont talk about the baby really, which worries me! I also care for my 8 year old cousin every other weekend! She is attached to my hip so much i cant leave her sight! Being pregnant that gets really hard to deal with! She wont let my parents take care of her! Only ME! I guess in time she will become less dependent on me! Thank You Ladies for all your help! I guess i just need to relax more!!

 

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