VERY Serious Question About A 7 Year Old
8 Replies
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My DH has a son who is 7 years old and was adopted by DH's sister when Jai (DH's son) was a newbor. He refers to my sister in law as mom, and knows that DH is his dad we are all a very close-knit family and all of us see each other every single day. Yesterday all of the kids were playing outside with some neighborhood kids and someone called Jai a name. I believe it was idiot? We do not use language like that at our home, nor does anyone in our family. So we know that it was one of the neighbor kids. Jai came in visibally upset. He said to his mother, that "when they call me names like that it makes me want to kill myself. Then it will teach them a lesson" We do not talk about suicide, although were they are from, there is an extremely high suicide rate. They moved from there when Jai was born. SO where on EARTH, would he learn about that!!?? And what would make a 7 year old want to take such extreme measures? His mom asked him if he knew what that meants and he said "yeah, when I hurt myself real bad and I die" OMG!!! What do we do? I am going to suggest councelling for him , but does anyone have any other suggestions?? Any would be appreciated!
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I would say counseling would definitely be in order....soon! Poor kiddo!
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I think he definitely needs counseling... as for where'd he hear about it... maybe on the news, maybe at school... who knows... my son learned lots of new stuff... good and bad... at kindergarten this year (fortunately not suicide that I know of... but then again I learned what suicide was in 2nd grade when my friend's mom killed herself)!
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I have a child that made those types of comments at that age. My immediate reaction was the same as yours. But I really don't think counceling is necessary at this point. He was hurt...so he said something that he thinks will hurt the other person. He is seven. Does he even really know what dead is? My son, when asked what dead was really had no concept. He couldn't explain it at all. So we told him what dead was and he immediately said that he did not want to be dead. He just was made about someone saying something hurtful to him. I would spend alot of time talking with him. Expalin that dead is forever. Expalin what it is and what it means. Does he really want to hurt himself? It would hurt...REALLY bad. Whne you break it down to what their understanding is...they realize that isn't what they want to do. Then help him learn coping skills so that the next time people say something hurtful he will be better prepared. By putting him in counceling you are a__suming that he is the problem when it is more likley and "understaning and concept" issue instead. I can say from experience that jumping on the "counceling" bandwagon with a child that really doesn't need it is a rocky road at best. GL!
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i agree with dee d, i think counselling at this stage is far too premature, kids repeat lots of things and sometimes dont know what it is they are even saying, i would just read what dee says and go with that as i really agree with her views...
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well I agree with dee too my son who is 8yrs old has said that before when he is mad or has gotten into trouble they just say it to try and upset you back they don't mean it cause they really don't know what they are saying it is just for the reaction they get from saying it I know my son does not really want to kill himself it is just like saying they are gonna run away I used to do that too when I was a kid I would say just have a talk with him and let him know that is not the right thing to say that is what I have done with my son I should add he has never done anything to try and hurt himself at all.
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My 12 yr old did the same at that age... I sat him down and talked to him about a lot of things. How kids say things, what suicide does to family, what death is... etc... I think if you talk to him, you'll get though it... I am not sure why everyone is quick to get counseling. The poor kid is 7 for crying out loud and from the sound of it, a little sheltered. He is learning things from the kids he plays with. Don't kid yourself - he knows a lot more then parents give them credit for. My son knew all about s_x the day he came home from pre-school. It's a wild world out there and you need to arm yourself with knowledge, not counselors..
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This is a little extreme and it would totally depend on the kid - my friend's son was TOTALLY the definiton of a wild child.. Anyway - he thought it was cool to say things like killing is cool and I'm gonna be a professional killer when I grow up - blah, blah, blah... Anyway - my friends husband (not the father) sat him down and asked him if he knew what death was... The kid said he thought he knew... So the dad points to a spider and asks the kid what does he think about the spider - the kid talked about how it could be in the corner looking for food, etc... The dad stepped on it and killed it. Then he asked his son what he thought about it now... The kids eyes got big and he started to cry and said that it wasn't ever going to move again and that maybe it had another spider who was waiting on it to come back... Brutal - but it made the point.
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Thank you guys so much for your advice. I really appreciate all you're words. He is doing much better. We haven't put him in councelling and I wanted to wait until I had heard from others in our situation before taking it any further. So Thank you again, from the bottom of our hearts. God bless!
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