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I know this isn't going to be the most politically correct answer, and I will probably get yelled at for it, but here goes......I know that depression and anxiety are real things. I know people suffer from them. But, I think sometimes people use them as excuses to be jerks. Who cares what he suffers from? She's a baby and babies cry. She's crying because she hurts. He's closing himself up in the room because he's being a baby. He needs to get over himself, realize that life doesn't revolve around him, and be a daddy to this sweet little girl. I just have no patience for that kind of behavior. My sil acts the same way and I get so mad! Maybe that's why I feel so pa__sionate about it. Regardless, he is the adult, he needs to learn some patience if he doesn't have any and be the man that baby loves with all her heart and the dh that he promised you to be. Sorry for my rant, I just really don't get that kind of behavior. I'm not one to jump and say "leave the jerk!" but in this instance, maybe a little wake up call is in order. JMO. Good Luck! :O}

Bless your heart! How frustrating for you! I know this is a stretch and the opposite of the reaction I first had. Do you think it would improve if you took dd to your moms for an evening and spent time exclusively with your husband? Maybe he is feeling left out and is NEEDING some "mommy time" too.

CyndiG - I understand exactly what you're saying and I feel the same way sometimes. I just wish dh would grow up. Seriously though, last night I really felt that dd rattled his nerves and I just don't know what to do about the situation. I feel like we're walking on eggshells today. Tryingx3 - I think you might have something there. Dh amd I do not really get any alone time at all. We've never gone out by ourselves without dd. We do have a good sitter now, so maybe that is a starting point. This isn't anything I would leave my husband over, not even close. He is a good guy, but he can definitely act like a jerk sometimes.

I think some alone time with your dh would be the best thing... maybe something as simple as a medication change could help, too. I know that my grandmother suffers from anxiety and some meds have done NOTHING for her, but the ones she's on now help a lot. I know from dealing with her when she went through a severe depression on top of the anxiety how freakin' frustrating it can be and how annoying it can get dealing with someone who has it... but then again I had severe PP depression and I couldn't think at all... just loading a dishwasher was overwhelming and exhausting. It felt like I was thinking through a thick fog and nothing I did to try to help myself out helped until I got on the right meds... so I have mixed opinions about this because I know at the time that I couldn't just "grow up" and get over it. Now... here goes... I hate to admit this, BUT... I do the same thing quite often.... not to the extent that your dh does, but many, many times when dh gets home from work I've had all I can take and my nerves are SHOT! I hand the kids over and supper's ready by then... so I let him dish up the dinner and they eat at the dining room table while I'm upstairs on here or resting! I have had severe anxiety lately to the point where I try to go to bed and I can't even breathe sometimes... which you would think that since the kids are in bed I could relax some... but the weight of the day seems to come crashing in on me then. I feel like I'm in "fight-or-flight" mode constantly. I've been trying to go med-free, because taking long-term prescriptions scares me to death (bad side-effects), but I don't know what else to do at this point. For now I'm just off hiding in my room alone for like an hour or so and then I come back and do what needs to be done... but that hour never feels like enough and I think maybe I need to get on some meds before it gets to the point of what you describe with your dh (although... I don't know if it ever would... men kind of naturally feel more ent_tled to just let their partner handle everything... and I don't THINK I could ever do that, but then, I never thought I'd have this degree of anxiety, either). Anyway... I do think that a night out would help! DH and I went away overnight a few months ago and it was the first time in 6 YEARS!!! I literally felt all of the anxiety fall off of me as soon as their little b___ts hit the carseats in MY MOM'S CAR lol. I think I had been sucked dry by the kids and from not having alone time with dh (away from home!). I always come back a better mom even when we just get away for an evening for dinner. It just might help... at least it does wonders for me!

I love my husband to pieces, but he is not a very hands on Dad. He works from home and so do I so we are always both home with dd for the most part. I love being a mom, we sing, we dance, I do my day around her. (As I should!!) My husband on the other hand spends his free time on the computer or reading in the other room. He tends to get really annoyed with me if I ask for help. Sometimes between work, housecleaning, laundry, meals, taking care of him and the baby I just feel exhausted! I know what you mean about shutting the door on her, my does that too, she will be following him out of the room and he shuts the door saying Daddy needs some quiet time.

Tammy, letting your dh dish up dinner and take a "turn" with the kids while you have some down time isn't a bad thing. My nerves get shot too! You are a mom and are ent_tled to "me" time. You don't hide out in the bedroom whenever you're around your kids, which is what I'm gathering is happening from Topaz's post. I don't think you should let yourself feel bad for needing some time alone. I know that depression and anxiety are very real things. I had some anxiety attacks after I miscarried. And after I had Carlie I had some of those "in a fog" episodes where I couldn't speak. I would try to think of what I wanted to say and I physically couldn't think or even say the words. My dh knew about it, but I never actually spoke to my dr. I suspect it was a mild case of pp depression. I do think that if medication will help someone, by all means they should take it. On the same token I also think that some meds are over prescribed. And some people are quick to say they need them when they really don't and are quick to blame their behavior on the meds they're on or not on. That's the point I was making. I don't want anyone to think I'm saying just because you take some time for yourself you're selfish, because that's the farthest thing from what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry Topaz for going ot but I just wanted to clarify a little. :O}

its imperative u address this issue today, like others have said make sure u two take time for a date nite etc.........i agree with everyone, maybe his meds need to be looked at too.. It really needs to be addressed cause men are strange creatures and he is obviously feeling frustrated and such by locking himself in the room, i say its imperative to talk about it because you dont want to be a single mum merely cause a situation escalated and wasn't addressed cause that too can happen to anyone. My little ones dad couldn't handle the change so he packed up and left cause it was left too late to be discussed so discuss it today, my reply is not to scare u, it is just the truth really as a problem is brewing and when little one is asleep ... i think a conversation is in order on how its going to change, my experience is sometimes we think things will just sort themselves out on their own and tommorow will be a better day, its not the way to think so i wish u well and hope u find the strength to talk about it pretty soon.

i wanna add i agree with trying, he is feeling left out but is going the wrong way about it..... he needs to start making time for your little girl too or she will be like my little girl and not give a toss about her dad.... (different as he doesn't live here) but when he is here she doesnt give a toss, maybe little kids can sense bad adults, dunno (I mean my situation there)........ but my reply is coming from my experience and if u dont put anything in, you truly get nothing back from the kids....... its even not about the quant_ty of time but its more about the quality..... my daughter sees friends of mine less than she sees her dad and is better with them cause they r better with her i guess.........anyhow my point again is he has to start making an effort with her and with you........ hope it works out.