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You can definately have both a child and a career. I do. I had three children early in life and stumbled my way through their early childhood, and then just had my last born nearly 15 years to the day after my first. The love of a child is overwhelming, the peace and serenity of a mom as she feeds her little one who smells so fresh and is so incredibly soft... I cant tell you how it makes you feel - complete and powerful. Your heart is so full with joy that sometimes you have to cry to ease the pressure. But those are the good times, and other times you would give someone, anyone, a million bucks if they could just get the kid to shut up! ( normally you feel this way after her 4th week of life and she, and you, have only been sleeping in 2 hour blocks of time since she was born) Then come the teenage years and you understand why some cultures marry off their 13 year old daughters - it would certainly be easier than dealing with them! :) But to have a career as well, that takes planning, takes a reality check on when you are putting your little one into secondary care - whether it be family, daycare, or home care, and always staying flexible on the little things and sticking to your guns on what is important to you. I worked up until my due date, then took 6 weeks off on maternity leave, then continued on with my job while putting my baby girl in the best care possible. It is working for me, I love every minute I spend with my baby, and enjoy my time at work. Good luck.

Yep, what Kris said! I was not planning on having a baby but it happened and I thought when I had her I'd be so willing to go back to my job that I loved but once she was here I was ready to give it all up and quit but I couldn't afford to stay home. I was very torn and had a really hard time going back. I stayed home with her for 14 wks and went back and everything is going good. As long as you are happy with your childcare, it isn't so bad. I cherish my time with her a lot more too.

EveryonesAunty: I am right there with you. I plan on starting a family, but I also plan on working full time. I went to college and paid for it myself. I feel that I must continue to work to provide a grat life for my future family. My husband also works full time, but we know that we can do it. Have faith in yourself that you can do both. I just keep telling myself I am not the only one in the world that will have a full time job and a family. It is great though to have forums like this one to turn too. I myself was not really considering having children until about a year ago and I can't get it out off my mind. Good luck!!!

Thanks for all that. Sometimes it just feels that in this modern day in age you can't have everything despite being expected to be able to do it all just because you're a woman. I think that we're going to try next year and hopefully by then I'll have it all sorted in my head. We've been saving up like mad for the last 2 years since we married to make sure that it isn't a big finacial strain and have about £7K saved up (we're aiming for £10K as twins run high in the family!!!) But that aside, I look at my mother in law who was a mum/housewife for the last 26 years to 3 sons and a husband and now they've all grown up she's distraught and depressed that she's got nothing to turn to. I don't want to be like that but I want to be the best mum I can be without loosing all I've worked hard for. You've all made me feel so much better about it thanks!!

Also to Jal239 - I know what you mean about not being able to get it out of your head - I can't stop thinking what it would be like but never really thought about it before the last few months! I know next year will be a better time so in the meantime I busy myself reading up on stuff and thinking up names!

You're sooo right. You also have to remember in this day and age that marriages don't last forever and I thought about that a lot when I considered quitting my job. What if something happened with me and my DH down the road? I NEED my job to support my daughter if that happened. God forbid, but hey, it happens and I have a really good job that would be impossible to replace so that was another reason I went back. Security. Save as much as you can. You're on the right track. We saved about $12,000 when Emma was born and got another $8500.00 back in taxes this year so we don't stress about money anymore but when I was pregnant that's all I worried about and I really stressed over nothing.

Thanks Heidi. I think that the other reason I worry about it is because I work in a very male environment. I'm an architect and apart from our three 40 -50 yr old secretarys, I'm the only woman! I've worked hard to get to the position I have now and I worry I'll be pa__sed over for promotions and so on. However, the more I read up on babies I can see that it's not the be all and end all of everything. My husband recently suggested that he might like to stay at home - something I'm not sure about as I really want to be a good mum and b___stfeed and so on but I'm pleased he's thinking about things. I want to be there for the moments that Kris A described and experience all of those firsts. I'm glad to hear that you stressed over nothing when it came to money - that is rea__suring. I'm 26 and I'm trying so hard to do the right thing at every turn - I'm looking forward to when it all pays off and we can start next year.

I work with all men too. Don't feel bad. But you have rights so make sure they're aware of this. I still b___stfeed and I pump at work and before I take her to daycare so she has b___stmilk while she's there and then I resume nursing when I get home. Try not to worry too much before starting a family. I mean it's good you're thinking about finances and stuff but once that baby comes your priorities change SO MUCH! You may not care about promotions or your job anymore. Trust me, it happens. I'm the last person who thought I would feel that way too. If we could afford it, I'd be home right now instead of here. But we can't. Things change during those 9 months too so don't stress too much right now. Hell, when I accidentally got pregnant we were living in a house that was ready to fall apart so we had to move in with my parents next door, tear the house down, build a new one, try not to kill my family at the same time, move back into the new house and watch my poor DH do so much work that he'd pa__s out every night in bed from exhaustion...I thought we'd never get through it but we did and never even think about how hard it all was and how many nervous breakdowns we almost had during the process. Then I was on bedrest for a week due to swelling in my feet and legs. That wasn't planned at all! So I lost some of my time off but I was lucky they let me work from home during my leave so I got 14 wks paid and still have time left when I came back. It's amazing how things just work out even when they're not planned. Good luck!

Hi EveryonesAunty I have a very similar situation to yours. I Studied in Uni for 5 years and worked in the industry for 12 years, I suddenly realised that I was not getting any younger and that career was not as satisfying as I thought it would be. It was a tough decision to take because of my busy schedule, there never seemed the right time to be pregnant and I tried planning it in between work travel etc. You know what .... when I decided to try for a baby, I couldn't get pregnant, partly because of my age. I thank God that by persisting I was rewarded and now am a mother of two beautiful boys... career doesn't even hold a torch up to the satisfaction of being a mother and nurturing my babies. I hope that answers your question.

I forgot to add , that I was back at work in full form after a couple of months of giving birth and somehow I found that I was much more focused and successful in my career , mainly because I had become more organized and got better at time management. I b___stfeed my boys for 10 months and no one in the office complained when I filled up the fridge compartment with expressed milk :)

My six week old was an unplanned surprise, but she has already brought me more joy and fulfillment than my career ever did! I have a degree in education, but I'm now working in a small family business because the hours are flexible and they are much more sympathetic to my being a mother(time off for dr's visits, etc). Incidentally, I work with all men, too! I actually enjoy this job more, because I work only 4 days a week and I get to spend lots of time with my Baby Girl. My work has more of a purpose now that I've had a baby. I've been told that I am "wasting" my degree, but that degree is simply proof of my dedication and intelligence, and shouldn't a mother possess those qualities? It sounds like you have a good heart, EveryonesAunty, and it would be a waste for you NOT to be a mother! And even if someone decides to quit work completely to be with their baby, life doesn't end there. My mother stayed at home with us until I went to school, and went on to become a number cruncher for several different companies. 3 years ago she decided she was tired of that and became a foster mother! I wouldn't be surprised if she waited a few more years to decide to have another career change. You are much too young to lock yourself into only one option for the rest of your life. Good luck with everything and let us know how it turns out!

I'm tackling this situation myself, and never thought I'd be in such a position. Some of what I'm dealing with has to do with the necessity of a certain income to maintain current bills, some has to do with the availability (and affordability) of child care, and lots has to do with my feelings after my most recent son was born (a month ago). Insofar as the latter is concerned, I was married to my first husband many years ago, and we had four children together (those children are either adults, or nearly so, now). I stopped working outside the home, and became a homemaker when those children were born. I loved being home with them, despite that money was tight . Besides, it wasn't a popular notion (funny how often other women tend to put down stay-at-home mothers by implying that they don't work, yet when mothers have to put their children in day care, they have to pay for a service - one that often requires a certain level of education and licensing). Anyway, because my first marriage ultimately ended in divorce (my ex cheated on me, and then left), I never thought I could make myself emotionally or financially vulnerable to a man again...until my current husband and I had our son. Anyway, when it comes to needing a certain income to maintain the financial status quo, I'm trying to find work to do with baby in tow, or by alternating work shifts with my husband. About the only thing I've come up with, thus far, for having baby with me is school bus driving, though the companies I've applied to aren't currently training drivers (they will be in a month or two). For the time being, I'm on maternity leave from a university I've been working at for several years (as an administrative a__sistant). Aside from the emotional reality of wanting to stay with my baby, I've had to face the reality of day care - it would cost most, if not all, of what I earn. Aside from the cost factor, there are no open child care slots (in fact, as I found out, there are waiting lists). My youngest daughter offered to watch my son, probably after hearing my husband and I lament about child care. Well, she was recently offered a job (which she may or may not take). This forced me to take a closer look at the entire situation than I had before. Even if my daughter doesn't take the job she was offered, I can't honestly expect her to put her life on hold to watch her brother, despite her offer to take care of him while I returned to my job at the university. What makes it hard, too, is that my supervisor and co-worker have been total saints for how kind and understanding they've been. My problem has to do with combining earning a salary while also watching my children. Do you ladies have any ideas about jobs that may allow for children in tow, that are also payrolled (rather than subcontracted)?

I'm gonna be 24 years old when my baby is born, and yes, of course I am working, and don't intend to stop working anytime soon. You need a lot of planning and time management, but I believe that when you have a will, you'll find a way. Many of my friends are also working mothers. It is possible, very possible =)