|
|
|
|
hi, my name is jessy, i'm 16 years old, my boyfriend is 18... we've wanted to have a baby for awhile now, but i didn't think i was ready. however, my best friend thinks she may be pregnant. she called me up, very upset and i talked to her, and convinced her that everything was going to be okay. in doing that, i also convinced myself that everything would be okay if i were to have a child with my boyfriend now. i always hear horror stories of how people miss out on their childhood, but honestly, i'm done with all of that. i've always been very advanced for my age, and now i want to take our relationship to the next level, as does he. anyway, if anyone has any encouraging stories, i'd be glad to hear them. thanks guys!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My only question is "how will you take care of the baby" Are you going to finish school? Will you get a job? then who will watch the baby? Have you asked yourself all these questions. Think about it really hard, it's not all fun and games. You have plenty of time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am 25 and had my daughter just before I turned 16. WAS NOT PLANED! I love her to death! I had a very hard time growing up and still cry to this day about the things I have missed out on. I didn't get a 19th birthday, I couldn't go to partys... I know you think you are grown-up now and I am sure you can handle it... I just wouldn't want you to feel then way I did and still do. I wish I could have signed my daughter up for those dance lessons that would have cost me over 200.00, but I couldn't. I needed a car and the new cloths for her... My mom was there for me, a lot! But at times not, she had a life too! I one thing I can say (take it how you want, this is a promise) you "friends" will be gone once you do get pregnant. And you can't tell me that it doesn't matter (that's what you will say now) until you need one of them, they will not be there - they'll be at the party!
I can't say it was all bad, my "baby" is now 9 and I love her to death. But I will tell you one thing. You are also letting them defending themselves and you for being so young!!! My daughter lives with that everyday!
Do you want you child to have to live with that?
Or getting asked "Oh, you have a child? how old is she?" (i say) 9. "Oh, how old are you?" (i say) 25. "OH, so you were..." YES 15
Go and talk to people, go meet young girls who have baby's!
Good luck, take care and I wish you all the best!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
I agree with the question of how will you take care of the baby. That is very very important. Don't let either of you dropping out of school be an option if you succeed. Take it from the fiance of a 33 year old high school drop out.... stay in school. :-)
|
|
|
|
|
|
I had a child at 18, and am now 30. When I was 17 I thought I loved the guy I was with, and knew that having a child together would bond us together forever. He very much wanted to have a child, and so we did. The past 12 years have been intensely difficult. Yes, there have been times of victory and joy, but my son and I have both had to spend time with counselors to try and fix the damage to both of us from my having been naive, uneducated, poverty stricken, under supported, lonely and alienated from much of society. Young mothers do not get a warm welcome to mothering groups and playgrounds. We spend all of our time trying to learn lessons which are so much more easily learned without the burden of parenthood.
A child pays an enormous cost for a young woman who thinks that having a child will bring something wonderful into their lives. Children require incredible amounts of work, and it is the least rewarding job that you will ever take on. You have no concept of forever until you have a child.
My son's father has been gone for nine years. We have been apart since my son was 5 months old. It was not until I reached an age where I had the gifts of maturity and hindsight did I understand what an incredible gift it was from my ex for him to leave us and never come back.
Things will look very different when you are looking back ten years from now. Do you want to see someone who made an immature, selfish and crazy choice? Or do you want to see someone who recognized the need for fulfillment in her life, and decided to do something more constructive with it? Do youth work, volunteer, walk dogs at the SPCA, join a drama troupe, go traveling, learn to pain or design clothes.
If you want to be a really great parent to your children, then live your life to the fullest now, and wait until you are in a committed relationship with a career and a home before bringing children into the world. The greatest gift you can give to your children is a stable healthy home, and a mother who truly takes care of herself.
Good luck.
|
|
|
|
|
|
hi i'm also 16 and i want to have a baby with my boyfriend to he got me pregnant and i killed our baby that was the worst thing i ever done i think about it everyday and he was so mad and still is a little so i might get pregnant for him again but this time keep the baby.so i say if that is where your heart is go for it have that baby but make sure u can mantane in school if you do.
|
|
|
|
|
|
how are you giong to support your baby? A high school diploma does not cover the expenses a child brings to the house. Does your bf have a steady good income job? Will both of you go to college to try to better yourselves so that you can be a good example for your future child?How long have you been with your 18 year old boyfriend that you already know you want to make such a big commitment with him? I just thought you should consider some of this questions before you try to play grown up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
hey i am also 16 about to be 17 my boyfriend is almost 21 anyways we want to have a baby too. We both have jobs and he has a really good income! but anyways i understand completely what you are saying! I am 2 weeks late for my period and i am suppose to go get a clinical pregnancy test to see if i am pregnant! But i dont think you are too young to want a baby or to have one as long as you have a job and are able to take care of your baby! But good luck to you and your boyfriend on whatever you do!
<3 Amanda
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hey all you ladies that think your ready to have a baby with the love of your life well I am not gonna try to talk you out of it or anything just imagine raising the child all alone when dady decides that hanging with his buddies is more fun than changing diapers and feeding a crying baby and not having money to do all the fun things cause you HAVE to take care of the baby's needs before your OWN! so think about it very very very hard cause raising a child is hard enough when you have a loving supportive husband by your side so as I am not trying to put you down or anything sometimes things do always work out they way we want or plan them to just remember that and once a baby is here you can't send them back. as for the original post from Jessy here is a fresh idea taking your realationship with your boyfriends to the next level why don't you think about getting married first just a though my dear
|
|
|
|
|
|
I don't mean to sound rough, but think about this before you react: Your comment shows how truly immature you really are - you're already done with your childhood? - You're only 16, sweetie. What you want now will absolutely be guaranteed to change a year from now. Let alone when you've made it to 21. What about partying at universities? Not you, you'll be at home babysitting. What about seeing your favorite band in concert? Not you. What about fulfilling your life goals (not your boyfriends goals)? And it’s not about childhood; it’s about pre-adulthood and finally adulthood (from the ages of 21 – 28). That’s when you will be your prime, not 16. When you have a baby, you're life comes to a stop. My suggestion - if you really want a baby, wait. Watch what you're friend goes thru and then see if that’s you really want.
Another thought: what if you do get pregnant and you’re boyfriend leaves you with all the responsibilities of the baby. He wouldn’t do that? Look around you, how many times does it happen everyday? I’m 23, 11wks pregnant and after 4 years of being with my husband, we may be getting a divorce. I know you think you love him, but the chances are very slim that he will be the one you want to marry and have a baby with later on in life. For your future, for your sanity, please think before you act.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hun, my name is Chole. I had my daughter when I was 13. I placed her in a very open adoption. Im not here to tell you a horror story or to encourage you to have a baby. Babies dont get to choose their parents, and its not fair to them to bring them into this world for the wrong reasons. I am 19 now and have a 4 month old baby boy. If you ever want to talk my email is bm2tay@hotmail.com
|
|
|
|
|
|
I wanted a baby too when I was 16, but I weighed up all the pros and cons about it, and realised, that I just wasnt emotionally ready. I too was advanced for my age, and was over with all my partying by the time i was 16. But I still waited. Im now 21, and my baby is due in january next year. Im glad I waited, cause looking back now. I know I couldnt have done it. Even with my bf at the time, who i was with until i was 20. Please, just wait a little while longer, resist the urge, you will thank yourself later. Make sure you are totally committed to someone before you bring a child into the world, cause if things dont work for you and your bf, you child will be the one who suffers. Think bout things, and maybe when your 18 or so, think about it then. Let yourself mature abit. If you want to drop me a line. rachy19842000@hotmail.com
thats where you can reach me. But please, think about it before you do anything. ... Rach :)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hi Jessy...Speaking as someone who is 15 years older than you (hmmm, I could be your mom) I can safely say that all the things I thought I had figured out at age 16 I realize now I had only just barely begun to really understand. My advice: wait. You say you are "done with all of that". Do you mean that you are done with school, childhood, carefree teenage years, social life, a world of options? You say that you are very advanced for your age and that is great but is pregnancy or raising a child the only option for an "advanced" teenager? No, if you are infact "advanced", and I don't doubt you are, you should apply all your thought to the big questions that are involved in a decision as important as that of bringing a new life into the world. You should think very carefully about what you would be choosing to sacrifice. Having a child is a lifetime comittment, responsibility and it goes without saying that having a child is also, logistically, expensive and time consuming.
You did the right thing in offering your friend comfort and advice and the fact that you have posted a question here shows that you have healthy doubts about your feelings of wanting to be pregnant. There is no rush. There is no harm in waiting. You are young, intelligent and you have your whole life ahead of you. I wish you the best.
|
|
|
|
|
|
hey jessy, im 16 and my bf is 18 and a few months ago i wanted to have a baby but my bf didnt no bout this, we have unprotected s_x all the time but not till the full. about a month ago i thourt i was pregnant as i was 2 weeks late and thought i had a few symptoms, i told my bf about it and i did a test... it was negative. now looking back im glad it was negative as i was soooo scared if it came out that i was preg. just sit there for bout 30 mins and think about how your gunna bring up your child think of things like, have you got a job to support your child? what about your carrer? what about your social life? also you say your bf is 18 hes at that age where he wud want to go out with his mates every weekend so how do you know he will be by ur side all the time for support?. ive experienced exactly what you have if you really want a child just make sure you give it a really good think about it first and good luck with whatever you do xxx
|
|
|
|
|
|
Speaking as someone who does social science research, the single biggest predictor of whether you and your child will be poor is having a baby before you are a) married and b) out of high school. Your chances of ending up stuck in poverty are over ten times those of the average person if you have a child now. Almost every woman on this board was with someone they thought they would love forever at the age of 16; almost none of us are still with that person now.
If you have a child now, you will find it nearly impossible to finish school (getting a GED does not give you the same earning power as a regular diploma). You will find it overwhelmingly difficult to go to college, even though the jobs you can get these days without at least some college are pretty much all dead-end jobs cleaning, answering the telephone, or popping chicken tenders into the deep fry down at Popeyes. You have no disposable income now, so it probably doesn't seem that bad, but when you are thirty and your friends are established and you're living in a studio wearing five-year-old sneakers and eating peanut-b___ter sandwiches because your child needs braces, will it still be romantic? Especially when you can rarely afford to leave your tiny apartment except to go to your dead-end job that makes you want to scream with boredom every extra minute you are there? Or will you live at home, with your mother hovering over you every second?
If your boyfriend decides to leave you, the law will make him pay child support, but it will not make him be there to get up and take care of a sick kid when you've been up for three nights straight and are so tired that you want to die. It will not make him pick up a sick child from school so that you don't lose your job. It will not make him get a job, so that he has wages for the state to take child-support out of. I know you love your boyfriend, and you think that you will be together forever. But if that's so, why not wait a few years, until you have an education, a good job, and he's willing to commit to you and your baby by marrying you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
i got married at 14 am now 17 and we have been trying to conceive for 18mons..not exactly conventional but whatever...anyway i think that if u want a baby thats great as long as ur sure that u and ur boyfriend really want one..i knew i was ready to try when i started crying everytime i saw a baby or hated everyone i knew who was already pregnant..i dont think that u have to be any certain age to have that yearning to have a baby.. i wish u alot of luck with whatever u decide!
|
|
|
|
|
|
i thought i was done with all of that to, and i had a baby. when he pa__sed away i got depressed and spent my 20's partying, getting everything out of my system. i had thought i didn't need that vent time, but i did, and now at 30 i have a beautiful son, and am totally ready. your brain can make you think you are done with everything, and ready for a baby, but trust me you aren't! start saving lots of money for your child, cause they cost alot of money, and watch and see what your friend goes thru. you'll be happy you waited when you see it!
|