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Hi everyone, need advise on my unhelpful interfering inlaws.
Last pregnancy was a c-section, inlaws sat in the hospital with me most of the days moaning about stuff going on. I just needed 10 min sleep (pleaseeee)
When my pain relief was late it was me that had to go up to the desk and ask for it about 3 times whilst entertaining the next beds toddler she just sat there smiling!!!!!!
Then when I got out of hospital the first morning i.e. 8am she knocked the front door I was in the shower and baby asleep, she barged past my hubby straight to our bedroom and woke the baby. My shower was in the bath so you can imagine the fun it was getting in and out so I just stayed in and growled at my hubby GET RID OF HER.
She then came round later the same day to make her son dinner, never bothered with mine. Feeling hopeless and totally imobile i broke down when she had gone (rather embarassed about it now) saying I was hungary too.
I ended up calling my mother and going to stay with her for two weeks. My hubby is a mummys boy (well a hired nannys boy) he cant do anything.
After I got home (2 weeks) my mother inlaw would come round sit there and fall alseep for hours on end
she would bring daily visitors round family we had never met. Arrrhhhh!!!!
My daughter got a gastro bug at 4 weeks and had to be in hosp for week which I blame Inlaw for bringing round.
She once took out my daughter at 3 weeks in puschair I had only managed to sit down on the sofa after waving at the door when the door knocked MIL standing saying "shes making a lot of noise" OMG, she was gurgling!!!!!!
+ I am sure i sound evil but I try and be civil and know these people hate me they are jewish and I am not so our children wont be (i.e. jewish blood is passed on by mother) Which gives me another problem I know I am having a boy and there is no way I want a circ_mcison for him!!!
+ two weeks after c-section is hannukah jewish christmas kinda thing and she keeps reminding me there is no way I want to take a two week old baby to a house full of strangers from all over the world to catch something nasty and for me to be expected to help make dinner and clean up after. (Oh I am so angry)
This time I am prepared (i think) I have a 5 year old so cant stay with parents really. School is 15 min walk away so for first two weeks hubby will take 5 year old and pick up. We will live on frozen meals well 5 year old and I will as am sure hubby will go to mummy's.
I have hired a cleaner twice a week to help with that so will only have to put frozen food in mircrowave and look after daughter. Am sure my mum will help out lots to but as they live about 45 mins away and work all day it can be difficult but I know they will come every day (bless them)
I am sure I will cope what do you all think???
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Re-tract my answer please. SORRY EVERYONE i was having an hormonal day yesterday!!!!
I have just in the last 1/2 hour got back to my normal self and decided to let all the anger go and if my inlaw wants to come round she can.
I guess I could do with someone to help if I am tired or in the hosp if I want a shower I seem to remb that last time the nurses are quite busy to watch your little one whilst you shower!
Sorry everyone! I'll just put one rule no outside family visitors until after two weeks.
sorry all
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I posted the poor taste thing could you remove it pleaseeeee feeling very guilty
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Aw... don't worry!!... everyone needs to vent once in awhile... especially about in-laws LOL.
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Don't be sorry, obvously there have been times she has really bothered you. I think almost everyones MIL gets on their nerves once and a while. Mine said something to me that is almost funny b/c it was just so unsupportive. So i found out today that my baby is breech, (i'm 37 weeks) and not much chance she will turn, (that is why i am on the c-section forum) Anyway i also found out that she is a good 8lbs already, scarry i know. So i was telling MIL all of this and she was told me they could be off on the weight b/c when she was pregnant with dh the doctor told her he was probably 6lbs and he turned out to be 8lbs. Just what i want to hear. I know her point was that they could be wrong but the thought that she might actually weigh more is more than i can handle right now.
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Don't blame your hormones- you have a valid argument here! Your in-laws need to give you more respect. But, in my opinion- it should not be your job to tell them so. Your hubby needs to step up and stand up for you and your wants and needs. For God sake- you are carrying his child and caring for his other. It should not matter if he is a mommy's boy or not, you are his wife and he needs to put your wants and needs first- especially now when you need him the most. Stand up for yourself and protect your wants and needs or you will start resenting your hubby and his family and that is not easily hidden- especially on hormonal days that we all have. No need to apologize for your feelings- they are so very valid and need to be respected by everyone around. You are the most important person in this situation because your health and well being is going to directly effect your little one's! Take care of you right now and make sure someone else does too! Good luck!
MKM
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don't be sorry at all because i went through the same thing and what bothered me the most was she was telling me how to raise my child not even my own mother and she kept on telling me things and it bothered me so much i felt like giving her a piece of my mind but i held myself back but then i understood that she was getting jelous because my husband was giving me all the attention and doing everything and he would let me rest and just sit there and not do anything so i guess she was getting jelous because he was there for my every wants and need he was the best but his mom was getting on my nerves and i told him everything that she was doing and mind you he is a momma's boy but he knew what his responsibility where and he did it and he did them without any help from anyone so i don't blame you for going off like that it's that it's good for them to help out but there's a limit to everything so i completely understand you
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Please don't even feel guilty or ashamed of your post - that's the beauty of being able to come to boards like this! VENT!!! Someone - many someones - will understand and empathize. Besides, like a bunch of the other ladies have said, you aren't even out of line! Your MIL went completely mental and made what should have been a magical time for you into something annoying! If it makes you feel any better, when my MIL came down for the birth of my second, unannounced and uninvited, from over 500 miles away, looking like she was planning to just squat in our small house for the two weeks until my scheduled c-section and likely for a time after, I threw a sizeable hissy fit at my husband, who said he'd talk her into staying for only a few days... well, the next morning, like at 5 am, my husband and I were trying to discuss our plan of action quietly in our bedroom before she woke up, and I heard a thump in the hallway: she was listening at the door! I lost it!!! I went into the bedroom and grabbed one of her suitcases and told her to go stay at her best friend's house (who lives in a neighboring town) until she could get a flight back home. We didn't speak until Christmas and I had to do a whole "oh my hormones and upcoming surgery made me act all crazy" mea culpa, but the whole time, (and even now) I was thinking, yeah and what was her excuse? Babies make everybody a little bonkers. It's been two years now and even with how heinous I acted, the whole family laughs about it, including my MIL, who looks a little sheepish when it's mentioned, like she's since realized how pushy she was. Please, don't tear yourself up over feeling the way you do - it is completely justified!
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