Pregnancy Info HOME

That is exactly how I felt with my first baby. I had both of my kids by c-section and only my older one had to stay in NICU. I don't think it's the method of birth that makes the difference, I think it's a defense mechanism we have when we see our babies hooked up to all those machines--we worry that they won't survive so we distance ourselves from them, without meaning to. Also, when the baby is in NICU you aren't with them constantly, watching every little grunt and wiggle...so they feel like a stranger when you get to bring them home. I had postpartum depression after my first baby, along with the disconnected feelings. By the time she was six months both of my problems were gone. You will grow to love your son, and it will amaze you how very much you do love him...just give it a little time. Spend some time cuddling him (if it's warm enough in your house, undress him and take off your shirt and cuddle him skin-to-skin). When you watch him stretching and kicking, think about the movements you felt when he was in your stomach, and see if you recognize his movements. I noticed that with my daughter...that her stretches and wiggles were just what I'd been feeling when she was still in my tummy. It will get better, and you're not the only mom ever to feel like you do.

hi...i had to have a cla__sical section and was put to sleep. So i woke up and just...had a baby. I didnt feel connected either. I really wanted to soo him being born and i didnt get to. But it got a lot better within the first few day or so.

What you are feeling is not unusual, we too need to bond as quickly as possible (from a biological point of view) at birth and it is very brave of you to ask this question. I also felt like I had to take "their word" that my baby really was mine. It got easier after the swelling in his poor face went down after a long, rough labor and c-section with general, and he looked just like my father! With my second and fourth baby the NICU was our home for several weeks and I felt like my babies were THEIR babies...it is much harder to feel confident in your mothering abilities when your baby is desperately ill and hooked up to machines in an entirely alien environment. Your baby will bond with YOU and the connection will come. One day you will catch him looking at you with adoring and trusting eyes and your feelings will dissipate!!!! XOXOXO

Thank you for your responses. I'm starting to feel more connected to my son. I understand it will take time- I can't help but feel upset though about my birth experience- it just doesn't seem fair that I had to have so many complications. We've been spending our mornings cuddling belly to belly and when he nurses he does give me that look- and that melts my heart. I'm confident that the bond will come!

I know what you mean. I was so unhappy with my c-sections and all the "what ifs" like, I know I would have been a good pusher, what would it have been like to feel like I actually did it. What if my baby had been healthy and I could have left the hospital with him? I will not try to say the old "just be grateful" c___p. That won't make you feel better. Enjoy your baby and rest a__sured knowing other moms felt exactly what you are feeling now. Bless your heart!