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Hi Rae, I'm actually a social worker (Toronto Canada) in the field of child welfare (if you're Canadian its CAS, if you're American, its DCFS). On occa__sion, I have been part of voluntary adoption processes. I must say, I've read all of your posts, and its is clear to me that you want the very best for your child!! You are clearly considering all the options, and weighing one against the other to determine what is in the best intersest of your child!! You've probably thought of these things already, but here goes: when children are adopted, there are still no garauntees that they will be rich, that they will have two parents, or siblings. That parents won't divorce, that they won't make poor choices or bad decisions! Except financially, they are often not much better off than you are!! If you want to keep your child, please find out about available resources!! You may be able to get tax benefits, baby bonus, health coverage, welfare, subsidized daycare (or set up yourself as a work from home mom, or daycare provider for other children!!). Forget what everyone else wants/thinks for a minute. What do YOU want for your child? I can advise, that I was adopted and grew up very happy. I was raised in a "rich" home, with lots of love, two parents, and lots of siblings. Definately financially better off than my birth parents were! But for all that, I was also always wondering why my mom and dad couldn't have kept me. I found them 7 years ago, and we cannot make our relationship work - for a mult_tude of inexplicable reasons (not that it would be that way for you!). I have the utmost respect for the fact they wanted a better life for me, and for the family they allowed me to have! I love my adoptive family and am greatful for all they gave me! And I certainly recognize the dilema you presently find yourself in! As a social worker, what could I do to a__sist you with your decision? Would you be able to meet with a social worker in your area to find out what resources are available which would help you keep your baby? Can I help in any way at all?? Please keep us posted, and let me know what I can do to make this difficult time a little easier for you and your boyfriend!! Thanks for taking the time to read... I hope we'll hear from you soon! Anne B.

Oh Rae....what can I say? I know you truly love your little man and I think perhaps you love him more already than mothers who know their babies are coming home with them, you have had to consider his future far more than most expectant mothers ever have to, does that intensify your impending sense of loss? I think it would for me. Again, you are the bravest, least selfish person I have "met" in a long time and I applaud the both of you for preparing what you feel is the best future for your baby. I do agree with the other posters, however, that you are extremely ambivilant about this. Like we talked about earlier, please don't make any permanent decisions until you have met with an adoption counselor you feel VERY comfortable with (try many if necessary). As far as needing two incomes to have a place to live in Oregon, I am in a position to know exactly what you are talking about, rents are way out of line with wages here. However, Rae, are you aware that unless it is a city-sanctioned retirement community, here in Oregon it is illegal to discriminate against children in rental properties? What I mean is, ever notice in the paper here the ads for rentals don't say "...no children..."? I think they may not renew your lease if the unit is for two, but if they want you out, they can't force you to give up your baby or have an abortion so I a__sume they would have to break your lease for you...not a lawyer, but I have lived in Oregon most of my life now. Any how, you are 31 weeks...WOW, this is so exciting. Call Dr. Levin at Gateway Women's clinic, you won't regret it. I wouldn't be surprised if she had some options we haven't thought about...Good night for now. Talk to you soon.

babys giving me heck, not letting me sleep, but i just wanted to get online breifly. yeah, im really really torn on this, but with the help of my bf, im starting to feel better. hes so amazing, i really cant say that enough. id be dying without him right now. he just makes everything better.. as good as it can get. i havent thought of going to a social worker, but now i definitely will. one thing im worried is my kid is going to think i was some crack addict, or something, someone who just kept popping out kids, not caring about them. ill have my bf go with me to the counselling, that way we can both get a really good idea of what we are going through. and deb, oh, i never thought of it, but i think you could be right about feeling more of a loss because even though i feel the bugger all day (and obviously all night) i kind of feel like ive lost him already. but im really trying to ignore that and not be negative, just cherish the last 9 weeks i have with him, and maybe even more! who knows, ive been told a lot of women have late babies with their first pregnancy. anne, im so glad your adoption worked out. that is something ive been worried about, and i know that he isnt gaurenteed a tv life, but im just hoping that he will have a better life with someone else. not that they could ever love him as much as i do, but i know that someone out there can come close. ive been browsing the papers and such, sometimes there are private adoption cla__sifieds in there, and ive seen some very promising things. plus it seems like whenever someone finds out he is going to be adopted, everyone knows someone who wants to adopt. even my boss at work does! i know there are good people out there, along with bad ones, so im VERY wary, i cant predict the future, but i do really believe in my heart that this is best for him. hopefully someday he can realize that i really really do love him and think about him every day of my life, and that he wasnt a mistake, and that we really did want him.. but more than wanting him, we wanted what was best FOR him. thanks ladies. im gonna lay down again. i work very early, and ive already jipped myself out of good sleep tonight. ill write again tomorrow...goodnight.

Hi Rae, I'm glad you're going to meet with a social worker, and attend for counseling -- it could really help you to sort out the things you're going through! With respect to your baby one day growing up and thinking you were a crack head, I would think that this is unlikely. Make sure you tell any adoption worker you deal with that you want your son to know why this happened, and that you both loved him dearly! Most social workers will include that in their files so if the child grows up and searches, he/she would likely be told that. Also, most will tell the adoptive parents some history, and that could be included in this history. Another suggestion... you can give pictures of yourself and your husband/bf and family to the agency to hold on file for him in case he searches as a grown up. They may even give these to his adoptive parents for later review. Consider an open adoption -- they can be as open as you're all comfortable with (just letters from time to time, just photos, some access in person or over the phone, or none at all)... just know its a grey area, and adoptive parents are not obligated (in Canada) by law to stick to any such arrangements for any length of time! Once the adoption is finalized, adoptive parents have total control, about openness, about medical decisions, school, moving away.... the honest ones honor them and work together, and it can work well, with a good match! I'd also consider printing out the postings on this board, and keeping them for him for when he is older in the event that he searches for and finds you! You will also want to ensure that you keep any doc_ments regarding the adoption process -- and all of your hospital records and his!! One day you may want these -- one day HE may want these! You can also advise the adoption registry in your area of your address and phone number from time to time, in the event that he searches for you at some point in the future. I cannot imagine the strength that you or any birth parent must have to possess to love your child(ren) so much that you would do such a selfless thing for him/her!! I have the UTMOST respect for you and all others in your position! Again, I extend my support, and a sincere offer to a__sist you in any decision you make -- I bookmarked this page, and will check it for updates periodically! If you want to talk more about your experiences, concerns, the adoption thing (from social worker, adoptee or reunited adoptees perspective), I'm open to it -- you could email me privately at pokerface199@hotmail.com or add me to your msn messenger. In case I haven't mentioned it, I'm also 21 weeks along, so I can only imagine how I would feel thinking about giving him/her up! Please, please stay in touch! All the best, Anne B.

Hi Rae, Annie B. seems cool. Rae, are you a teeny tiny person, or are you average size or above (bone structure-wise)? The reason I ask this is getting back to your origninal question. When you finally get a visit with your OB you should ask him/her how you measure internally and what capact_ty they estimate your pelvis has. It is all a bit of guesswork, but in my case I refused to believe them about my juvenile pelvis and they were right and I paid for it with almost 38 hours of no-progress labor (my fault completely...I was young and determined...and lacked a medical degree....LOL) At any rate, if your OB is comfortable with your structure, you can get a slight idea of your birthing method and I think you should start coming up with a birth-plan (this WILL be a very loose plan, subject to many changes...) but in your special case, I think it is important. If you have a v____al delivery, you will probably be released sooner than if you have a c-section and your hormones may not start acting up until you are home and you are at your most sore down below...some blues are very common with any birth and well, you know what I mean. With a c-section you may have a risk of even more blue feelings if you have a really rough recovery in addition to hormone changes because some people get a post-surgical depression as well. I am NOTsaying that those things don't apply BOTH ways (i don't want to start a big debate here about who had it rougher...!!!) but I still think you should make a plan on what is usual and customary for birthing. Everyone has a different outcome and with that in mind, dear one, I suggest you start thinking about it a bit. Check back later, did baby boy settle down finally?

hey ladies.. im only on for a couple seconds, but i wanted to let you know that my docs appt. got cancelled because my doc had a patient go into labor, so deb, im calling levine on monday! i may have some questions for you all later, when i have more time, because im thinking about leaving my boyfriend and keeping my baby more and more each day. hes still be the wonderful man that he is, he just isnt ready for a child, and i dont know how i could ever give mine away. you guys are right. it is something that i would think about and regret for the rest of my life. i really just need some mature advice, because i dont really have anyone i can go to right now. if i were to leave him, i would get my own place, and still, of course, talk to him and be around him. i just wouldnt be forcing fatherhood on him. any thoughts? i really have this planned out a lot more than it seems like i do right now, but i just dont have time to go into all of it!!! if you have any q's, i wont be offended, i really need help. thanks.. sorry its been so long since i last replied. i did one night, but then my internet went wacko, and kicked me off, so i lost it. well, im gonna go now. thanks in advance!

rae i know that there is no easy answer for you, but this is something that will change your life and if you think you want that baby you should keep it...i think you are confused and that is normal....i think you are brave and if you choose to leave him and keep the baby well that will be what is best....remember only you know what is best for you and that sweet boy so if you know in your heart that you want to keep him then i think you should do whatever you can to make that happen!!! please dont give it away b/c thats what he wants...YOUR FEELINGS MATTER TOO....and actually more b/c you are giving birth to that baby and you have an emotional bond to it....i am here if you ever need to talk!!! i have 2 boys and i was a young mother i had my first when i was 20...so i know it is hard but it all works out...i am a firm believer things happen for a reason and you were given that baby for a reason!!!!!! my e mail is mommyofboys2@hotmail.com if you would ever like to talk....i know what its like to be a young mother and i dont get help from my parents so..i know the feeling...i have faith you will do what is right for you and the baby again if you want it KEEP IT

Hi Rae!!!! Been thinking of you! Well, things are crazy for you, huh? If you need to talk to me in person, I am on the Mt. Hood campus Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-11 am. I am small and older than some of the students. If you wait outside the Math wing at room 1657 I will be glad to talk with you in person! I talk with Amy by e-mail too as she is a Nursing student ahead of me in another state. We will help you, promise, with all the advice and support we can. Too bad you didn't find some friends on the internet who won that Powerball Jackpot...just trying to make you laugh! Do what your heart tells you to do, it is a sign of a good mother. If that means going solo with your baby boy then that is what your life is destined to do. You are a good girl to think about all the options in your life, stay strong and let us know.

I'm 19 and just found out i was preg on sun it was exciting but scary.. i'm so excited.. i know that keeping this baby is the best thing for me.. Good luck on yours

just want to say i got pregnant at age of 16 years old very scary i had her at 27 weeks she was 2lb 1oz i didnt bond with her cause she was in neonatal for 3 months shes now 8 years old and thank god i never got rid of her shes changed my life for the bettter even at age of 16 it was the best thing i ever done and shes so lucky to have pulled through have a good thin good luck

you are very close to your delivery and i hope you've sorted things out. your boyfrind sure sounds supportive, but i have only 2 things to say. one, listen to your own heart, if you want to keep the most precious thing in the world, then do so regardless of what your boyfriend says. you may reach a stage in life when you'll be unable to forgive him, it could tear you guys apart forever. second, consider telling your parents at the risk of disappointing or angering them, if their help lets you keep your baby, it's totally worth it. rememebr, many women are able to pursue educaion and careers after having a baby, all they need is emotiona strength. if keeping your baby gives you that, you will succeed despite physical fatigue.