Keep Males Out Of Delivery Room

13 Replies
mrpanicatm - November 2

h__lo, from reading these posts i can see i am not alone. i have problems when my wife has to see a male ob/gyn. i get extremely hostile and feel a lot of anxiety about it, even if i go with her. there was a few negative experiences that we have had, one being the second child we had. we came to the hospital and they basically forced a male medical student on us. i objected about this to the head nurse, but they still did not make him leave. he checked her dialation, had to rub this cream inside her va___al wall to help her dialate, and i still cant get this image out of my mind. it feels very painful emotionally to me, and sometimes when i try to make love to my wife these images haunt me and i have to stop. i finally got the courage up to talk to my wife about all this (who now is 7 months pregnat) after she described a recent exam she had with her ob doctor that is male, he examed her when no one was in the room, she said that he took an extra long time during the bimanual(using the fingers) and forgot to collect the sample during the papsmear and had to re-insert the speculum to collect it. this went clear through me. now we are trying desperately to find a female doctor to take over and we are having to change offices completely because they do have one female doctor but they have this rotation thing they do. i had to talk to the manager that basically told me that the male doctor had to be the one to do the exams, i asked her why the female doc couldnt do this and she said it was because of their "on call" policy. so i told her that no man was ever going to examine my wife again and she told me to good luck find another doctor office. i called many many offices before i could even get my wife an appointment, and there is no garentee that they will accept her because of how far along she is. but what are we supposed to do when the doctors force their will upon us? sit there and take or try to find someone else? what if we have to wind up using them? she is having a c-section, and the doctors there already know that i have nothing but contempt for them. i think it is very unfair that you cannot choose the doctor you want out of an office full of doctors. they just dont understand that some of us have moral obligations, and basically just dont like it.i have a view of this male doctor female pelvic exam thing as a form of adultry, and i think they should respect that. i know they have seen a million va___as but so has people that make p___no movies. i didnt mean to upset anyone, but i have very few places to vent about this, i have been seriously traumatised and feel a lot of depression and helplessness over this. and the other bad part is what about when we get into the delivery room? will she be draped well if there are male techs, anasthetics in there? who will scrub her and get her ready? will any males participate in that? the shaving of pubic hair and inserting cathadors? it is very stressful to me to think that we will arrive there, they will ask her to undress, and random male healthcare workers will be comeing in and out of the room where my wife lays naked on an operating table. is there any legal recourse to prevent anything like this from happening? can we tell them how wee feel and will they really understand our comfort level? because they have not understood us yet and this is our forth child. i think i am more stressed out over this pregnancy than my wife is.

 

djh - November 2

While I do not agree with your view on adulterous acts being equated with v____al health exams at all nor pretty much anything else you said except for a nurse being in the room for v____al exams, I am puzzled as to why you are so worried now. If your wife is definately going to have a c-section you will be able to (most likely) schedule the day and time and the doctor you choose will tell you what days she is available to do the section. I had 4 c-sections and have just done my OB rotation and not once was anyone ever allowed to lie there naked. Sheets are always available during prep and delivery. Your wife's abdomen will be draped for a sterile field in the OR and you may ask if your wife or you can shave her pubic area before arriving at the hospital if that is necessary at all. As far as catheters go, you can absolutely request to have a female nurse do it. As a medical professional I must say that you have a very negative view of healthcare if you can even see a slight correlation between p___no maker's opinions of v____as and a medical person's. I understand culturally or religiously you may have specific guidelines regarding your wife and her modesty, however, I also notice not once did you really mention what your wife wants. I do not mean to sound harsh, but if the doctors feel like you have contempt for them you will probably not be able to find anything positive in your interaction with them. Hospitals exist to provide medical care and while every thing possible should be taken to respect the patient and her family's views some things are not up for debate, such as which doctor or OR tech is on call. Again, hopefully you can find a female doctor who will schedule the c-section on a day she and she alone is available for you. Good luck, sounds like you have a lot of issues to work out for the delivery and your problems with the images in your head. You were brave to present this problem, but I think you should talk to a professional regarding what sounds like a serious problem you have with these issues.

 

Jamie - November 3

My opinion - when next you have a baby, you can make the decisions regarding healthcare. Til then, it's your wife's body, and her decision. Shut up and put up. If my husband dared to tell me that I could not have a particular doctor because that doctor was male, he wouldn't be my husband for much longer.

 

Renea - November 3

As a woman, who has had 4 c-sections, all with male obgyns, I find NOTHING s_xual about them performing paps, prep. for section, or delivery. They are just doing their job, which is the delivery of YOUR child. Your wife, I am sure, is not enjoying any of the procedures happening, unlike s_x, in which I would hope she is enjoying. Also, as far as the woman being naked in the operating room, I have always had a sheet draped over. My anasthesiologist was also male--and they are up at your head, not down by your crotch. It does sound to me like you have some issues you need to deal with. Your wife is not committing adultery by delivering YOUR child and by these men doing THEIR job.

 

Renea - November 3

What type of work do you do? If you don't think men should be in the business of being ob doctors, maybe you shouldn't have any sort of job that interacts with women. After all, men are visual beings and if you have a visual woman in front of you, what thoughts may be going through your mind. If a pap is considered adulterous, then maybe daydreaming should be too.

 

Mommy_to_be - November 4

You should read the rest of this psychos posts in the "What To Expect" forum. Apparently women are just s_xual objects at a man's disposal. He compared a woman's privates to coffee makers. What a nut.

 

DownbutnotOUT - November 9

All I have to say is Im pregnant with baby #4 and I have had all men perform my last 3 csections and find nothing wrong with it. I have had a male dr since I was 6 months old and he has performed many paps, v____al problems, rectal problems, and he took care of my first 36 weeks with my son. I feel comfortable around men and women because I dont see them like that when im getting treatment I see them for what they are a doctor or a nurse. If my husband said it was adultry to have a male dr treat me i would ask him seriously to consider our relationship and the healh of our baby. I have had several medical students with me for my labour and csections some men some woman and all my anesthesiologists where men! I dont agree with your beliefs but if you did have a problem I would have found a femal dr for the begining of this pregnancy but because your wife is so far along she needs a OBGYN now and shouldnt have to wait because of your insecurities. When I first read this I thought it was a joke and I hope it is.

 

mrpanicatm - November 9

as for you tjackson, i appreciate your input, well everybodys input really, even the negative. but i wanted to leave a final thought, i am glad that your husband is understanding, but i still maintain my opinion, simply because nowhere in the bible does it state that it is acceptable for a MARRIED woman to expose her nakedness to a man other than her husband. in fact, from my studies it goes much to the contrary. the bible does not exclude doctors from this. and i am sorry if i make you sick downandout, but lets face it, we all dont hold the same level of beliefs. now, it would appear that a great many of you (with a few exceptions) would like to stone me just for making a stand that i believe in. if there was nothing wrong, why did you respond the way you did? society has made a lot of things commonplace and acceptable, and its not always easy to make such a provacative stand, but if you truly believe in your heart, which is where God writes His commandments when you are saved, then you must follow those commands no matter who doesnt agree with you. someone mentioned that the verses i used were out of context, i really dont think so, if you look at my post and read all of them you will see how it fits together. the section of proverbs that i quoted refers to how a jealous man feels when his marriage is violated, "Pr 6:28 Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned" in other words, how can you violate a mans wife and not expect some reaction? to you it may not be a violation, but to me, it sure looks and feels that way. and when a man gets jealous over his wife nothing is going to make him feel better until the problem vanishes. has anyone here not ever been jealous before? as for the other verses they are pretty straitforward i think. "Joh 15:18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. Joh 15:19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you" from all the reactions i got, it sounded like becuase i felt it was wrong for a woman to go to a male doctor and recieve intimate exams you wanted to hang me for what i believed in, and i believe in Christ! and do we ever call evil good these days! i think it is wrong for this casual procedure and everyone else seems to think it is ok. You see the devil is a sharp dude, he knows how to make sin look attractive and acceptable when in reality it is completely wrong, what better way than to set up an a__sembly line of sin? and tjackson, what if your husband did feel the same way? you wouldnt switch doctors for your own husband? you would rather risk the feelings of your own husband for the right to see a male doctor? i hope not. if you know the bible then you know if your husband felt that way you would do well to please him. and you are right, the husband is the spirtual leader of the household, if he feels something is damaging his house, or coming bettween hiself and God, then it has to go. maybe it does bother him but he doesnt say anything about it, or he doesnt know the whole procedure, or he doesnt care. the bible says a virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, how true that is. how could a man not be upset by a strange man placing his fingers and forien objects into his wifes privates that are supposed to be for him? this is part of the sanct_ty of marraige, i know there is little value placed on a marraige now, the divorce rate speaks for that, but how can we turn it around? we have to raise our standards again or the divorce rate will continue to climb. there are so many things that have become socially acceptable, violent video games that children play, all the profanity they use on broadcast television, abortion, these things are horrible, but supposed to be acceptable.

 

torbman - November 9

This is your fourth? Why if you were so concerned about this issue did you not speak to your wife about this before her becoming pregnant. I understand why you would be upset about the docter that did her test, but if your wife was uncomfortable about the test being done she should have requested a nurse be present. I am sorry that you are so traumitized about this but God put male Doctors here too. Unfortunatly there are creeps everywhere. Your right the devil does make things look ok, but you have let him in even more by worrying yourself about this. If you are the head of your household then give your worries to God, and He will lighten the load. I know how you feel but what about your wife. My husband is the head of the household, but also my bestfriend, we are one. He certainly isn't arrogant about it, which is how you come off here. Some may feel the same about Doctors or things that have happened to them, however no one listens to us becasue we are just women right. So when you have a man that feels this strongly about these things, sorry can't help ya. Maybe this should have been discussed in finding a doctor when you first met or when you first had this feeling. At any rate these people do know what they are doing, and like you say have seen many v____a's before. If it weren't for those tests, you know, some cancers would never be detected. So be happy that your not going to lose your wife do to not having pap tests. Try focusing on your wifes needs instead of your own right now. I am quite sure that your wife is not happy with any test, but neither are any of us. Maybe if you had those yourself then you would understand. I am sorry but you won't get sympathy from woman who have to go through these things inorder to make a man s "pride and joy".

 

lovemy3 - November 10

mrpanicatm, I'm sorry but I do disagree with you and I am a committed Christian. I believe you have taken that scripture out of context. Good luck.

 

mrpanicatm - November 10

we will pray for you

 

sophandbob - November 11

OMG! I think it is your wife for whome we should be praying. I wouldn't have cared less if a trained chimp had delievered my baby. As this is your wife's 4th child I am sure she knows what I mean. If you believe your wife was abused during her exam which you described above then you should be filing a complaint against the dr's office but rea__suring her too. You say you feel depressed and helpless about this. Have you sought help from this? What has your minister said? Many women suffer greatly through these outdated att_tudes, may miss smear tests, for example, which are life saving exams, through what I can only equate to ignorance. Whilst I would look to the bible for guidance in my life I would remember that that is all it can offer - guidance. You should not live your life with your head in the bible, looking for how to live your lives, or else you will fail to look up and see the wonderous world around you god gave you to enjoy. Now stop being a Neanderthal and get over yourself.

 

DownbutnotOUT - November 12

mrpanicatm you mentioned how you are so devoted to god and the bible but you admit to being jealouss, well jelousy is a sin. I believe in god and I believe in Jesus but I am not a bible buff I try to live my life the best I can and the same for my children. To me it sounds like your having a crisis, you mentioned in one of your threads that you were or still are an alcaholic? I know alot of people suffering from alcaholism and problems with drugs turn to a higher power for guidance but I believe god wants us to have a great life. For you and your wife you should have seriously thought about this male doctor problem way before you had this baby and now your stuck without a dr and a wife who will soon need a medical attention to have your child. If my husband came up to me and told me he couldnt have s_x or felt that I was violated because I saw a male dr for treatment when I was pregnant 2 things would happen. 1. I would smack him upside the head. 2. He would be getting professional help or I would leave him. It would be different if he said he didnt like my male dr because he felt that he was getting too personal or he looked like he enjoyed doing internal exams than I would find a different dr. but to be biased against a dr because of there s_x sounds like your insecure and jealous of the other man and really had nothing to do with religious believes but your own insecurities. I would maybe talk to the minister at your church and get some guidance. For religion and the bible it is all about interpretation and can be debated but I feel people who are too into the bible and start interpeting verses to mean many things but are interpretated to the extreme I call them fanatics!

 

DeeJay - November 13

I don't know what country you are in but in the USA you are always allowed to have a female nurse present during any exam. I also prefer a woman doctor and I have always been able to schedual with her, but she does not do c/s so the male doctor did it. This doctor also saved my mothers life when she hemorraged after a hysterectomy. So I trusted him and got over being squeemish and he did a wonderful job. If a doctor does something inappropriate, you should do something about it, but most doctors are very proffesional and I think you are soo over reacting, also I would like to hear from your wife and see if this bothers her so much, after all it is her body and I would want the most qualified doctor, male or female. Aldultery involes what you are thinking also, your motivation, not just looking at a private area!!! So a doctor performing an exam is thinking about the exam, it is not adultery!!! If it bother you so much stop having kids and she wont have to go to the doctors!!!!

 

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