Pregnant Partner Left Me Advice
2 Replies
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Hi. Me and my ex girlfriend got together about a year ago, things were amazing at first. We were so heavily in love it would have made you sick. All my friends were shocked when they found out that we have split.
I know we weren't together that long and to some people it may seem as though we rushed things but it seemed so right. We're both at the age where we wanted to be parents and we were both working. So decided to start trying. For the first couple of months things were really good. She was excited i was excited. But we had different worries. She would worry about what the baby had when he (we found out) was born. eg. clothes, buggy. all those which are important admitingly, but I was more concerned about his future, I want his upbringing to be better than mine so got to work on that.
Problem was I lost my job in August, couldnt find another even though i was trying and decided to start my own business. It was being done on a low budget and due to that I knew it was going to take a lot of work to get it up and running in time to be able to support us as a family.
Due to this admittingly I wasnt as loving, as in physically, as what i had been in the beginning. This wasn't intentional, I was desperate to get my business up and running, making money to support us in time for the baby (dec 25th).
Every intention I had was for the good. and I have never stopped loving her. I was applying for jobs too as i can see the importance of a regular income. 2 weeks ago she left me. We have now both moved into different houses. She has informed me that one of the issues is because I wasnt working and she needed the security, which i can understand and that, because I was trying to get the business up and running and not spending as much time with her, she felt left out. I can understand that too.
I have quit the business and started a new job yesterday (so glad). I'm trying to amend things. Show her that I still care and love her, but she refuses to see me and wont answer my calls. Her family are doing the right thing by helping her, I get that. But, it seems to me as though i'm powerless in trying to get back with her and have the family I wanted. She has told me that she needs to get her new house up and running ready for the baby before she can even think about me and her getting back together. I don't know what to do. I seem to be pushed into the background, powerless and am being told that my surname will not be on the certificate and that i cannot be in the delivery room.
All of a sudden, its all ended. There seems to be nothing I can do. She tells me she still loves me. But not willing to work on our problems. I've asked if she wants to see a relationship counceller but again says until the baby is ok she doesnt want to think about me and her getting back together. And has told me she isnt promising we will at all anyway.
I was never abusive to her, never mean, dilliberatley. Always loved her and thought that because of our individual plans of long term and short term worries. we would be sorted. My only crime is not showing her i love her in the traditional way, like we were in the beginning. I tried to show her by setting up the company, which i've quit (thought that was for the best) and if it worked i could show her the traditional way forever. Now I have a new job, moved into a new house and myside is back on track. But she's got her head in the notion that she wont talk to me until she has sorted her and the baby. any advice.
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That is exactly what my ex-girlfriend did man, very similar. We were both living together in our house, after I got moved to second shift and had my hours cut everything changed. I would leave at 1 pm during the day and come back at 10 PM in the night....she was basically all alone for 10 hours straight with nothing to do...the mornings got really short, it was more of a wake up, take a bath, eat and in just a while off to work.
My checks started getting sour and we couldn't even go out anymore to eat, it was basically rent money and bills and the people who we rented rooms too didn't wanted to help out with light or food spendings, everything was a mess.
She picked me up from work one night and told me she had some things in her mind, later that night, she reveals to me she wanted to move out but to NOT break up with her.
I believe the real reason was because she didn't feel I was affectionate to her like I used too. I used to be at home by 2PM every day, every Friday we went out to eat and spent the night together with her son, it was beautiful but after the transfer to second shift, all that stopped immediately.
I would come home at 10 PM and went upstairs to my computer room to focus my mind on other things, took a bath and by the time I came down sometimes at 12 PM or 1 AM she was already asleep. We only saw each other in the morning, I would wake up at around 9 AM she would have to go out and drive her mom to places and usually got back 2 hours later....by which time I had already woken up taken a bath and had to get ready to go to work.....we basically didn't have time for each other, it was terrible, I could feel the separation building up, the change happening.
She eventually moved out into a house down the block from mine and attempted to actually get back with her ex again. She was determined to find a man who could support her with the baby, so she shut me out of her life completely ... the baby is already born and she signed the birth certificate herself, didn't even tell me about the birth ... I can conclude she doesn't want me to be a part of his or her life but I see him when I can thanks to her great mother.
I would say prepare for the worse man. I would have never given up on the business but you panicked and gave up on it. It could have made you profitable. The most important thing would have been preparing to be the father of your son instead of trying to win her back, now your working for someone when you could of had people working for you.
Just remember that true love has no interest and can stand even the hardest of emotional pain. If she really loved you like she said she did, she would have held on to you. It sounds to me like she was always waiting for you to come and love her but she never came to love you.....in other words....its not always you that has to show love....she was supposed to show love to you to remind you she still loves you instead......she turned her back on you, thats a sign of a needy and cowardice woman. The kind that love to get love and compa__sion but don't make any efforts to be the same way when times go bad.
Sorry to judge her but that is just my opinion. When your love turns your back on you because she says, "she felt left out and you were dedicating time to her." That is just selfish, to get love you need to give love and you'll get love in return. Some women think men must do all the hard work in the relationship and always show affection well...if she doesn't show affection why I should I continue to do so? Its the sign of a relationship that doesn't work.
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correction: "she felt left out and you weren't dedicating time to her."
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