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I got married a long while back, essentially out of sense of duty, the outcome of which is an Awesome 8 year old daughter whom i adore, She comes to stop every other weekend. She loves coming to stop and we get on great, (unfortunately the marriage ended, her Ma and I too different)... now 8 years later... i meet a lovely Gal who rings me to say she's lonesome every night and i todlle off down the road to lie and watch tv, to cuddle, and daydream of happy futures, She talks of marriage ceremonies in my garden, and loads of lovely dreamy stuff... then after a month, She's pregnant... after much deliberation and me telling her whatever her decision I'll stand by her, she decides to have the baby... then just as suddenly she wants space... then she doesn't/never wanted this to happen... doesn't want my company, thinks negatively of everything, just wants me to go round chop wood to fill the woodshed, decorate the house, says she's 98% certain she wants no relationship and I'm out on a limb... last friday was the 5 month scan, a baby daughter, Daisy May is on the way... She held my hand right through the scan... occasionally She calls round to give an update or to tell me She's lonesome.. but what can i do? it looks as though i'm to be a distant father again... i feel like a sperm donor.. and it hurts like h__l to be kept so distant when all i want to do is cherish her through her troubles... yet it seems again She wants me nowhere near... I'm at a loss at what to do... all i feel is utter rejection.... I vowed i would never be the same as my father who abandoned my family, and this is so totally against all of what we had discussed when we were "best friends"... now, she prefers to introduce me (if we see anyone in public, which is rare) as her friend! I just happen to be the father of her child...This is her first child, She's 33, I'm 46... What do i do? it all just fills my mind all day long...
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Can't you take it to court, and maybe go for custody of your unborn child? Or get visitation rights, etc? I feel for you, I really do and I wish you the best!
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hey bud going through the same thing. this might sound deep but check if this happened to your father was he married when you or other children where concieved. things like this get past down in genrations. you need to break it now so it does not happen to your kids. im told stick in there things might change its hormones
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Hi, first of all, can I just say she sounds terrified and like all her defences have gone up in an attempt to be strong enough to get herself and her child through this. She's taking on alot, you were only together a short while and she found out she was pregnant, so you were still very much in the honeymoon period. Its a rare relationship that makes it through something like this after such little foundation. Also, can I just say the shutting you out thing may change some when the baby actually comes. Being a single mother with sleepless nights and bf and everything is a tough prospect and in terms of her wanting you involved and helping then that MAY change. I would be really careful at that stage of either one of you making snap decisions, because you are driven by emotions that do not last, fear, joy and idealism. As for the relationship, I would just give that a miss. You can't make someone want you and why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you like that. Its no longer about the two of you anyway its about your little girls. I'd say try and invest in the friendship and secure your position with her legally in terms of access and child support. You are primarily the father to your children in these relationships and you seem to be doing a good job with your older daughter in maintaining a healthy relationship and there is no reason you can't do that with your second daughter. I realise its not ideal but very little is in this life. I think you need to remember the stuff between you and your father is between you both and your relationship with your girls does not have to be affected by it. Its a new world and the only accepted important thing is that children know they are loved by both their parents. You can do that without living with your girls by being a good example of a decent man and by making sure they are always your priority and that they know that they are always your priority. I wish you luck and congratulations on becoming a father for a second time. Who knows, in time after the babys settled in and you have both adjusted to your new lives, maybe you will rediscover the spark you initially had, but then I am a romantic at heart.
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is it definately your child hey-joe? a month doesnt seem like a very long time to be with someone and suddenly be pregnant! perhaps she is pushing you away because of her guilt?
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