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A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight.While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership,and he even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said,"What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover his a__s up with that blanket before he catches a cold!"
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A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled at him. he is rather taken back that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says " sorry do u know me?" she replies " i may me mistaken, but i thought u might be the father of one of my children" his minds shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, christ! he says " are you that stripogram on my stag nite that i shaged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cuc_mber up my a*se?" no" she replies, " i'm your sons english teacher"
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