Pregnancy Info HOME

Laurac's observations have been made by other people. I am trying to be open to all comments whenever possible. It's difficult because there are so many different opinions and comments, and he is actually reviewing our prior decisions. I am just trying to think calmly, that's all. I value your opinions and thank you for your consideration.

Nobody wants to feel pain, but we understand that it is part of the process. We accept it. Everyone is scared of the pain...but most women do not contemplate weather thay should have children based on the pain. That is what I am saying. It looks like there are other underlying issues that tonyswife is going through, that would mean that she should probably not have children. There are many people out there that have children that shouldn't...it doesn't make them bad people it just means that they shouldn't have had kids. Telling someone to have to kids because thats what women 'do' isn't right either. Don't just have a child, to have a child. You have to really want one and you have to be willing to accept all of the other stuff, good and bad, that comes along with it. I don't think what I said was harsh at all. It is clear that the pain is not the issue here. I am sorry if I am hurting your feelings but what you are feeling is not normal. You are searching left and right for an excuse, you don't need one. If you do not what to have kids thats fine, its your life and your body. You do not have to please anyone, not even your husband, when it comes to having kids. Concerning your comment about losing another relationship over this issue...I think you should just be honest about what the real issues are. You don't have an obligation to make it a public matter but you should at least be honest with yourself.

Laura, in that respect you bring up a good point. I always knew I wanted to have a child. I was terrified of the pain. But I knew that some way or another I would have to find a way to deal with it because not having a child was not an option for me. I didn't know HOW I was going to dealw ith the pain, I just knew I had to. I giess the real question is...pain aside, how much do you want a child?

TonysWife-I presently have two children neither of them were planned. My first little boy I had was I was 17 I was in labor for 27 1/2 hours it hurt.I was so scared about even thinking about having another one in the future I was pretty positive that I wasn`t going to. Now my first labor I had Demerol only I got through it.Then my next child his almost 7 months now my labor was incredible I was terrified going in I was crying like a baby.The whole labor I laughed right untill the end there was a couple of intense moments but really for me I am so happy that I never took the epidural I experienced everything and it was amazing as I was pushing him out I was telling my dh I want to start ttc another this summer.It is scary but it is sooo worth it.I could have tons of babies now . We are tryin for #3 now and Im so excited.I hope things work out for you. Im a big baby scared of everything and I still cry if I bump my head on something.

That is an excellent and interesting question. What are the real issues? That is the thing I am struggling with. This situation has become such an intense self-examination for me that I am in the process of setting up counseling. I received a referral today. I cannot tell you what the issues are clearly. I know that sounds stupid coming from someone so much older than alot of the women here, but it is the truth. There is a great deal wrapped around this issue for me, childbirth. This thread started out asking one question and now it seems to be taking me in another direction. I have to admit, I am even a little bit scared to find out what the issues are, let alone how to handle them. But excellent point by laurac, bonnie, and dedaa.

Why not adopt a child? If you are that afraid of childbirth and the experience you might have, why not compromise. There are plenty of children in the world that need a home, and you can get an infant. Bypa__s it all together I say, what would be his response to that?

Adoption is an excellent alternative. It is something that I think should be discussed. Good idea.

It is a good idea. If we were able to afford it I would adopt one in a sec even though I can have more kids. It would just be nice to give one a good life, ya know?

May I ask why some people are telling Tony's wife that c-sections have less pain? In my experience the aftermath of c-sections was MUCH WORSE than my nearly 40 hour labor...seriously, there can be considerably more pain with surgery than with v____al labor and delivery and for a lot longer. TonysWife, please talk to someone, find out what is really going on with you. A planned c-section is still very painful and many women have aftereffects from them for years. I am not trying to scare you but at our Unversity Hospital they are noticing an alarming trend, women are coming back more frequently for surgery to repair bladders, colons, abdominal organs and releasing of extensive scar tissue from sections. Also, we are in the midst of a study to determine how many hysterectomies deemed medically necessary are directly related to prior c-section delivery. Please don't throw away a good man over this, talk to someone unrelated to OB. Best of luck to you.

Trust me you will forget the pain as soon as you heal. I am about to give birth for the 2nd time and I have no clue what to expect pain wise lol. I even ahve it in my birth plan that I want to hold off on the drugs for a little while. Don't worry about it I cry more when I get a paper cut that when I had my daughter.