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Cate: I'ts Friday, and I've been wondering about you....hope all is well. As for me, it seems I'm ovulating now, already. I've such mixed feeling about it...part of me wants to immediatly try again, the other is just so shut down and upset...I feel like I could just scream. Every part of me wants to try again, but I'm just so spent, I don't know if I can do it. And the worst part is that I don't feel very connected to my husband, is if there's so much still unsaid and unprocessed. Beth, I understand the notion of taking a vacation, both a physical and emotion one...but all I hear is "tick-tock, tick tock..." I still have trouble seeing other pregnant woman in the street, or mother's with new babies. Of course, I'm happy for them, but the envy is intense..and then I start to get down on myself for having such selfish thoughts. Anyway, it's been nice having this little support group of 3.....hope everyone is okay.

Tara: hi there...and thanks for thinking about me. I did get good news yesterday. I saw a heartbeat...and the measurement was just two days off (too small) which I guess it fine. But, it's just not making me feel too much better...I guess because I had this same "positive" u/s last time. And, both of my miscarriages were later...so I'm not surprised by this. However...I'm trying to get myself in a better mental place. Enjoy...be positive...and deal if things take a turn. At this point, I think I am most scared of losing this baby so late like last time. But, like I say, I'm trying. Ovulating already. Of course it's a personal decision only you can make...but I think I would go for it. The end result will be worth it...all the pain...and there is every reason to think at this point that all will be fine next time. Two miscarriages in a row, unfortunately, are so common...and usually women do go on to have successful pregnancies. Mine are backwords...but I've had two also...but first had two successful pregnancies. I know it's hard...but worth it. I always tried right away (or as soon as the dr. said was OK...this last time i had to wait a bit b/c of being 16 weeks). I'm sorry that you're feeling a distance with your husband...that's hard, but so normal. I think just do your best to continue to try to talk abou it. That always the best...althought not always easy either. Especially to really get the dialogue started. You two need each other. At this point there is no reason not to a__sume your next pregnancy won't go perfectly. You can do it. However, obviously if your gut tells you that you're not ready...than follow that. How does you husband feel about trying now? I can so relate to the envy also...please don't get down on yourself...it's just impossible not to feel that. So normal...how could we not have those feelings? We all do. With both of my miscarriages I had a friend pregnant at about the same time...and even those babies are/will be such a reminder. I think those are two of the hardest things at this difficult time...babies and pregnant women. And, of course, everywhere you look you see them!! Sometimes amost unbearable. But that's part of the reason I think you just need to go for it...I think it will happen for you...and, the risk is still worth it! As hard as it is...it will be worth it. Keep me posted...and try do bridge the gap with you husband. I think things will feel better when that starts to heal... Yes, I agree our little support group of three is very helpful. I hope something I said is a little helpful...one never knows what to say, how to help....I wish there were those magical words...or guarantees.

How are you testing your HcG levels? Is there some kind of home test you can buy? Or do you have to go to the doctor?

Cate: Thinking about you, how are things?

Bridget---It is a blood test...would be great if somehow we could have a "home test" to get those numbers...but unfortunately only through dr. Hope you're OK! Tara---I've been thinking about you too. I'm OK--had a bit of spotting after the u/s and then a touch of brown this weekend...none today...I wouldn't have thought a v____al u/s would do that???....so I know know. But, basically OK. Tell me how you are. Did you decided to try or wait...? Sorry for the length of my last message... Hope you are OK. What about your husband?

Well, think I ovulated already the other day...and, we're not using birth control, so who knows. In any event, we'll try again. Also have an appointment with an reproductive endro guy, but not until feb. I kind of just want to go on progesterone as soon as I find out I'm pregnant again (which I hope will happen sooner than 8 months this time). Like you, I'm kind of afraid of my feeling states if I become pregnant again because my guess is that there really is no way NOT to be scared and upset. Losing a baby is such a trauma, and after my first one, I really didn't realize it. It was only when I became pregnant the second time that it was clear how scared I was. So, while I'm intellectually prepared, no telling what the emotions will be like. I was thinking about all the women back in the day when there were no HCG tests or ultrasounds...trying to imagine what it must have been like for them. Who knows, maybe it was better not knowing all the possible complications that could be occuring. Of course, many ended up having health problems or worse, {yikes}--As for you and the spotting, you know that brown spotting is so common, the womb is stretching, there's old implantation blood, cervix is often irritated, etc, etc. so, don't worry about that. When's your next check-up? How are your other pregnacy symptoms? Try to do some relaxation things every day (listen to music you love, read postive books or poems, etc.). Keep me posted, okay?

Hey Guys, I’ve read all your updates and so appreciate you sharing the knowledge that you have acquired through your experiences. I’m desperate for any information at this point. I have a 5 yr. old little girl and had no problems with that pregnancy. However, it has taken us more than 2 years to get pregnant this time (I am now 38 and my clock is ticking). I am now 5 ½ weeks and I started bleeding 4 days ago. We have changed insurance and I am now with a new Dr. who is very nonchalant about the fact that I might be in the beginning stages of a miscarriage. I spent 5 hours in the emergency room last Friday night because he would not see me since I had not had my first appointment with him yet. I was told that the pregnancy was in tack (sack and embryo) and my HCG levels were at 5000. I’m not cramping, just bleeding. I called Dr. Wonderful on Monday and told them that I was still bleeding and that the emergency room doctor said that they needed to retest my levels to see if the HCG level had gone up. Once again I was told to go back to the emergency room. I put my foot down and said that if he was going to be my doctor, I needed to see him. They gave me an appointment on Monday and retested my levels. He also did another ultrasound which still showed the pregnancy in tacked. He also did a pap which I question the timing of because I am now bleeding even more. The nurse (not the Dr.) called me back today and said that my HCG levels had only gone up another 1000 since Friday and that I could just let the baby miscarry on its own or she could go ahead and schedule me a D&C for tomorrow. At this point my mind is in a whirl. I understand that I am probably going to miscarry but I just feel that they are making this decision too quickly. I am planning to find another Dr. tomorrow (one with possibly a heart!) and get my levels checked again. I just wanted to know what yall think!! Sorry so long but I hope to hear from yall soon. Thanks…

Shawndell, I feel compelled to stick my nose in here. I hope nobody minds, LOL. I have a beautiful 2 yr old little girl. When I was pregnant w/ her my HcG levels were not doubling....not even close! Thankfully, my Dr. was optimistic and realistic...a good balance, really. He made it clear that I might m/c but he never suggested a D&C. In fact, he was so proactive, scheduling regular ultrasounds to check for the heartbeat and regular HcG and progesterones checks. He also caught a problem w/ low progesterone and put me on supplements. Anyway, I have a beautiful, healthy little girl as a result. It just breaks my heart when I read about Drs. rushing to do D&Cs just because HcG isn't doubling properly. I hope you will get a 2nd opinion before you make a decision either way. "Dr. Wonderful" sounds pretty awful and it's so important to have a Dr. you trust. On a side note, I was pregnant earlier this month but had heavy bleeding a__sumed to be a m/c. The weird thing is my follow-up blood work showed that my HcG continued to increase but that my level was exceedingly low. Despite the Dr. now being certain that I do not have a viable pregnancy, he has been considerate, patient, and thorough before coming to that conclusion. We are taking our time, doing tests, and talking a lot about my options. He has not tried to rush my decision in the least. I hope you can find a Dr. like him, that is the kind of support you need right now. Please let us know what happens.

Shelly, Thank you so much for your response at 3:11 this morning. I see that someone else is not sleeping! When I got up this morning, I found very little bleeding. Actually light pink and since Friday, I have been bleeding bright red almost like a normal period. I know this my just be giving me false hope but if that is all I have to hold onto then that is what I will hold onto until there is not hope at all. I also have no cramping. I know our chances are low but my husband and I are going to find another Dr. today, get my levels retested, get more information before we make our decision. Once again, thank you so much for your reply and keep me posted. It sounds like our pregnancies are very much alike.

Shawndell: I'm so sorry you are going through this stressful time and that there is a question about your pregnacy. I find it OUTRAGEOUS that any dr. would suggest a D &C based on an Hcg number not doubleing ONE TIME. I had a friend who was 6 weeks pregnacy, went for v____al ultrasound and since there wasn't a hearbeat yet, Dr. scheduled her for D.C the next day. She had no cramping or bleeding and I I BEGGED her to get a second opinion, but she was like..."he's the doctor, I don't want to put it off" While I respect that wome women hav a hard time dealing emotionally with how devistating it is to loss a baby, at the same time MISTAKES HAPPEN. Nature can trick us sometimes, and there have been too many stories of no heartbeat at various stages and then next time heartbeat, or hcg numbers not doubling and then boom, they triple, or progestrone being so low it's "impossible" to have a viable pregnacy and 9 months later, a perfect baby. I really don't understand the mentality of doctors who play God with this stuff. As you can see, this is one of the issues that pushes all my b___tons. With both of my miscarriages, my doctors were very gentle with me, using such phrases as "if down the line, it appears things are not progressing, we'll have to talk about options." When I was bleeding at 6 weeks, went in for v____al ultrasound and nothing (not even a sac) was seen, my dc. said, "well, we like to see a sac at this stage, but let's have you come back for another Ultrasound next week and track your Hcg numbers for the next few weeks, and see). While, I had a good idea the pregnacy was not viable, and granted there was nothing on ultrasound that would warrent a D.C, still...what I"m trying to get across is that the ways in which early pregnacy progresses, can be different with each women. It' not an exact science. And even if there's enough evidence for you to believe you are in the stages of miscarrige (let's say it's like further along, I don't know, like 7 weeks and still no hearbeart and your Hcg numbers have been trending down, perhaps) you still have options about the what method you choose to expereince your miscarriage. It's a very personal choice, and there are a number of options. Remember, Dr's get PAID for doing D & C's....whether the procedure is necessary or not. So, I know I've gone on and on, but really...for any dc. or nurse to "schedule a procedure" for you without you having the opprotinity to sit down and speak (at length) about the reason for it, is malpractice as far as I'm concerened. Let me know what you decide to do.

hello...i'm also in the same boat. 1 prior ectopic pregnancy. HCG @ 4.5 weeks is 868. according to the dr, it is not doubling the way it should be. i started spotting today- brownish color. it was the same symptom i had during my previous pregnancy. i had my blood drawn today for hcg level - still spotting. i have a Dr's appt today @ 3P; i'm trying to be hopeful but also preparing for disappointments. you are all in my prayers.

Update! We were able to make a slight change in our insurance which opened us up to more Drs. As it turns out, my Dr. that delivered my 5 yr old is now available to us. I have an appointment with him tomorrow at 9:30. I feel so much better knowing I will be going to a Dr. who shows compa__sion to his patients. I’m still bleeding and cramped quite a bit earlier today but have had no cramping since around 4:00pm. As I was cramping I could feel pressure like I needed to push. This was the first physical sign (other then the bleeding) that my body seems to be fighting the pregnancy. Even though I want desperately not to believe that I am going to lose my baby I physically felt like it was pulling away. I’m so sad and this all seems so surreal. I’ve only known that I was pregnant for a week and a half but my heart is just so heavy. I just can not comprehend the loss a parent must feel when they lose a child they have raised. I will let everyone know what happens tomorrow and I appreciate so much having this website so that I have a means to communicate with others who understand what my husband and I are going through. Tara-T, thanks so much for all of your advice. My husband and I are definitely not going to make any hasty decisions. I never want to look back at this time and think we could have done something different. Zel, please keep us posted. I’ll be on my knees tonight saying a prayer for us all!

Good for you Shawndell: Keep me posted. CATE--WHERE ARE YOU, WHAT'S HAPPENING!

Everything you guys are saying is like a page out of my book. Last year I had 2 miscarriages. The last one in November. My hcg was only 35 at about 5 weeks so the doc asked me to come back in a week later to see what was going on but only 3 days later I had a severe cramps and back ache. I hoped everything was OK but 4 days later got my period. I stopped trying for a couple of months and have now tried again and even though I'm not due for my period until Saturday tested positive on a urine test. I have 2 kids,one is 16 the other 5. Problem is I have a back ache again so will go in for a blood test on Tuesday 8th Feb. Only the miscarriages cause this sore lower back and I've never had it with my other kids pregnancy's. I'm keeping my fingers crossed but wont start believing it for real until I've pa__sed the 8 week mark as both m'c happened before that. Thanks for listening

I miscarried at 11 weeks last Sept. It was the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. We have a little girl, two and half, but have had fertility problems before conceiving her. I didn't expect a miscarriage at all. I think until it happens it's not really something one thinks about, and then when it has, it's all one thinks about! I'm pregnant again, found out a week ago.The amazing thing is that we were actively trying NOT to fall pregnant because I've been seeing a fertility specialist and she wanted to do tests etc. I've just had my HCG levels done because I ovulate late into my cycle, so they're not sure how far pregnant I am. My count was 81 at five weeks(?), and I had it repeated yesterday. Apparantly it should be over 500 now for everything to be progressing normally. I feel pregnant (sore b___sts, going to the loo often) but no morning sickness although they say this is normal as well. So now I just have to wait for these results and see what happens. I'm also waiting for the 8 week mark, that's when I started bleeding last time. I've been reading these messages and find it rea__suring that I'm not the only one that feels like this.That I'm absolutely normal, not paranoid.

Got my hcg levels. Very low, they are expecting me to miscarry soon. Don't know if I can do this again. Really upset.