Relationship Problems After Birth Of Baby
5 Replies
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My beautiful daughter is 6 weeks old. My boyfriend and I don't live together but we had a really great relationship until now. However, lately I really really am begining to resent and almost hate him. He works full time with the government and I am working part time and I'm in school full tme taking the maximum load. He comes over for 3 or 4 hours usually 5 or 6 days a week. I'm resenting him because I'm tired and I can't get homework, sleep, or even work off my weight because I have no help. He's never onced volunteered to come over so I could go run errands, work out, do home work,or just have a darn break. I love my daughter so much and wouldn't have trade anything for her but sometimes I think if I knew things would be like this I would've made 1000000% aure I would't have gotten pregnant. I haven't said anything to him yet because I'd think he'd ask. I've dropped hints like, "I can't go to the store or gym cause no one's here to watc her." He doesn't say anything but he goes and plays basketball and works out 4 or 5 times a week. My daughter wants to be held ALL THE TIME and I have to wait to put ther to sleep before can even shower and putting her to sleep taked 3 or more hours-seriously. He'll come over, get sleepy, and will leave and I don't even get to shower or anything cause of homework or house cleaning.I'm tired of it and I almost don't want to be with him because of this. I don't even have much to say to him and he ask me whats wrong. I don't have anything to talk to hime about. He says he understand how hard this is and he's proud of me but he doesn't. He insist he understand but how? He's comes and goes as he pleases and most of the time she's not really fussy when he's here. He wants mt to move in so badly but I won't because we aren't married. I told him if we live together we might as well be married since we both wanted to be married. He keeps telling me I'm the only person he wants to be with and he wants to marry me but I'm starting to not believe it. I really don''t knonw if I want to be with him if he can't help with our daughter and tie-the-knot. I'm sorry but there's no one to talk to right now.
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Hey Chica-first, it sounds like this guy really doesn't appreciate what it takes to be a parent. I DO believe, though, that it helps when two people live together to help each other out. It seems a little silly that you have a baby together, yet you won't move in with him until you're married. If you've already had a baby with this man, it's probably best to move in with him before you're married. The baby needs two parents around and this way you'll be able to have a little more help. If it doesn't work out and he's still not helping, then it's obvious that you shouldn't get married. Does that make sense? But at this point, you need to not drop "hints" any more. You need to just say to him, "Look, I need help. I can't do the things I need to do because I don't have anyone to relieve me. Let's figure out a schedule that works for both of us." If he doesn't like this, then he might not be someone you'd want to marry...hope this helps at all. Just a little info, though. Women will ALWAYS have to work a little harder than men. We are the ones who are sort of expected to take care of the baby, so put a job on top of that and we work twice as hard. However, your man shouldn't have to think twice about helping you out...
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Unfortunately guys can be this way at the beginning. I felt as if my bf didn't help at first either, and I was also attending school full time. It's new for both of you and you have to get used to it together. If he says you're the only one that he wants to be with, then he probably means it. He probably does want to marry you, but he's not ready. To us marriage is different than it is to them.... he may not be ready to give up his freedom of coming and going whenever he wants. Although, If this type of behavior persists and you still feel the same way after 4-5 months, then it may end up being a problem. A lot of guys think it's mostly our job to care for the baby, but he should be showing more interest in interacting with the baby when she gets a little older (5-6 months). I had to just get used to it, because they don't understand how much work it is for us, especially with school, work, cleaning, and cooking then on top of all that raising a baby. And don't drop hints, because he may not even be getting it, as silly as it sounds. Be real with him and tell him straight up that you have to run errands and it's difficult to always take the baby with you so you need him to watch her. You need to work around eachothers schedule, but it has to be done. Try to be understanding and discuss your feelings with him as much as possible when you're in a good mood. If you're upset, wait to cool down to talk. I hope this helps. I know how you feel because I went through the same thing and now that our son is almost 7 months old, it's getting better.
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Binx18. Hi there. MayMommies 2007 is still going strong! Our babies are all growing and we are learning from each other. We've thought of you often and hoped you'd find your way to us. If you get this, please go register with us at w w w dot maymothers dot com. Hope to hear from you soon!
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I have to say I am 100% against being married b4 living together....my hubby did that with his first wife...it lasted 9 months and ended in divorce....me and him lived together for 3 years then got married....its easier that way....u get to find out whether u can stand to be around eachother that much cuz livin together is way different then seeing eachother a few hours a day in ur own space. once u live together u don't have "ur space" it "ours" and u say ur not sure u want to be with him yet ur discussing marriage? a baby is tons of stress...and honestly if u don't tell him straighforward what u want....he won't get it men can be hardheaded like that. so tell him straight up that u need his help and its 50/50 and right now u feel its 90/10 u deserve his help he helped make this baby... gl and I am not trying to sound mean just being honest..... gl sweetheart god bless u and ur lo
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i totally agree with tish. If you live togethor first, it is better because you will see if you can stand eachother!
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