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Hi, I really need to vent my story to someone. My family and husband do not understand. I am was 19 when I got pregnant. It was not planned. I had a career in business administration, working on wall street. I am very ambitous for my age. I was also going to college at the same time. I was on and off with my then boyfriend and now husband. I was planning on going away to Buffalo University to finish my degree. Then I got pregnant...I decided to get married because I didnt want to be a single mom (not to mention I am hispanic/italian) I did not want to be another stereotype/statistic. I wasnt worried about finances because I had a great job as well as a savings account. I was happy about the pregnancy but really sad at the same time. I did not want an abortion but I did not want to have the baby. I got married 2 months after we found out. I was so sad that I got fired from my job because I couldnt concentrate. I pushed alot of friends away, I slept in alot, I didn't eat the way I shouldve been eating...Now Noah Christian is here. I keep worrying that I am going to hurt him by accident. Sometimes I think well if hes not here then I can be myself again. I can have my old life with my career and degree. I feel so ashamed becuase I love him so much. At the same time I don't want to be a mom sometimes. I want my old life back. I want to be free...my husband says not to fight it. I am trying hard not to.

Thank you Sonny0719 for being so candid and open with your feelings, i know it's not an easy topic to discuss. But, you want to talk some more and would like to be interviewed for this subject area. reply back to me and we can set up a time you would like to talk.

Well I can relate somewhat to Sonny BUT i have a different experience with PPD. I have 3 wonderful children now, my dd is 9 years old, a 2 year old dd and a 3 month old ds. I LOVE my children and I LOVE my husband but I do find myself crying ALOT and saying I wish I would've stopped after my 9 year old. I feel awful after saying such things but sometimes it just comes out without thinking first. I will say that the first few weeks after having my son were the MOST difficult but I do still cry alot at night mostly. Sometimes I feel ALONE with noone to help me. My husband works most nights and when he is home he really isn't helping much, I work full-time and do all the housework, baths, cooking, etc. so I feel overwhelmed and I know this contributes to my depression. I would LOVE to share my whole story to help other women who experience this but it's too long to write here. Thanks for the interest as this is a very important topic.

Hi soon2bemom of 3, I think if you had more help it would be easier, I know it seems like a pretty obvious statement to make. That night I was still upset about everything, my husband has been helping alot as well as my mother. I have been feeling alot better about being a mother as well as being me. I guess the more you talk about it the easier it gets. I have been talking to one of my friends about it and I have been feeling alot better. I am still worried about hurting him by accident but I hear that is common. If you ever need to talk let me know I will give you my email or aim which is Dollface0719. I just want to say Thank you for being such a responsible mother. I say thank you because I know of women who just don't care about th eir children which breaks my heart. I hope you feel better. God Bless!

I am a 32 year old single mother of a 17 yo that gave birth in December to a 2 month premature baby boy.My daughter suffers from bipolar disorder as well as OCD, PTSD, anorexia/bulimia. She is showing scary signs of postpartum psychosis.Not sleeping,not eating, suicidal thoughts, dreams about hurting the baby.She is going to the doctor today and I hope they will admit her to the hospital.I know this disorder can be more common with bipolar disorder.I hope I can find her the help she needs to be able to enjoy being a mother.

Sonny: Thank you. I would love to chat sometime. It does help to talk. I do have a wonderful sister that I talk to everyday which helps and my co-workers are wonderful but sometimes it helps to talk to someone who can relate. Thanks. My email is kari at cityofsergeantbluff.com.

I experienced PPD with my first child. Before getting pregnant I was suffering from a severe eating disorder, depression, OCD, and anxiety. I had seen dozens of doctors, been in hospitals and taken many different perscriptions for years (since I was 12). I got pregnant at 18, I was married and we had our own home. Like most young marriages there were alot of ups and downs. Luckily, during the pregnancy I was able to begin recovery from my eating disorder and felt emotionally "even" for the first time in my life. I was content, if not happy, while pregnant. After my son was born I expected baby blues...given my history it seemed unpreventable. It literally rained for 10 days after he was born and that didn't help matters. I cried alot, I wanted my husband with me at all times. I remember thinking something bad had to happen, that I wasn't allowed to be "happy" and I got paranoid and refused to sleep... I just watched my baby day and night. SIDS was a big fear for me because we had friends who had lost thier baby to it a month before my son was born. My OCD returned with a vengence and I felt I couldn't keep the baby, myself, or the house clean enough among other things. I was nursing and I hated it, but felt extreme guilt for hating it and cried all the time about that. I was a mess. I felt conflicted. Eventually I stopped nursing and took medication that helped me tremendously. When I got pregnant a second time, I sat down and spoke with my doctor about the strong possibility that I woulld get PPD again and we worked out a plan for after delivery. I began my Medication (Prozac) again 6 weeks before delivery and continued it from there. I still had the blues for about 2 weeks but no PPD. I would recommend to anyone who has a history of PPD or severe depression to talk to your doctor about preventative measures.

I think I had PPD. Right after my baby was born and we got home I kept thinking to myself that I had made a mistake. All I wanted was time to be with my husband by myself. I felt really isolated and like no one around me knew what I was dealing with. I didn't think it was PPD at first because during the day I was fine. At night time is when it would get hard because I'd want to sleep so bad and this little baby would just scream in my face and wake up every few hours. And because they can't express grat_tude I felt like I was giving everything I had to this person and she didn't know or care. She started sleeping for 6 or 7 hours at a time around 7 weeks old, not every night but a few nights a week and I think that's why I dont feel that way as much. There are still some nights when I will literally throw things across the room because I feel so frustrated but it really did get better. Especially when she starts smiling and cooing at you. I finally feel like I'm important to her.

I am 21 years old and just had my first child. I am engaged to a wonderful man who has a two yr old daughter from a previous relationship. The first month of my pregnancy my fiancées ex filed for custody of their daughter. Things are not easy by any means, I was stressed all throughout my pregnancy. Things seem to be getting progressively worse though. In the 4th month of my pregnancy I got scared, really scared. I felt like I was losing control. I got sick to my stomach and started having panic attacks. I have suffered from them before but have never seeked help for them. Things got better until my last 2 months of pregnancy. I got the panic attacks again, this time I was afraid of giving birth. Which Im sure is a normal fear. I gave birth to my son and everything went great. The day that I went home I got a panic attack. It wasn't as bad as Ive had them before, but it was still scary. I talked to the midwife about it and she a__sured me that everything would be ok. My son will be 7 weeks old tomorrow and I have maybe had a handful of days that I have not had a panic attack. All the others Ive either had a panic attack or been afraid of having one. I can hardly eat I am so sick to my stomach all the time. The thing I get most afraid of is raising my son. I think that Im afriad that I wont do a good job. I love him so much. Other things upset me as well, such as my son not being able to know his sister because her mother doesn't want her to be around me unless my fiancee has the day off of work. (he works about 10 days straight before he gets a day off) I think that everything in my life adds up to my panic attacks. Im afraid of confrontation. Im nervous ALOT. I wish there was something that could help me. Once I get afraid of one thing in my head, everything will come out. Ive withdrawn myself from my family and friends. I feel stuck at home but dread going out because there is so much preparing to do to go somewhere especially when I dont get a good nights sleep. I honestly feel like I am the only one going through this and I am a bad mother for all the things that scare me and make me feel like Im going crazy. I want help, but Im afraid to ask for it. I get nervous even talking about it. I have to give myself something to look forward to even if its something small like watching my favorite movie before I go to bed so I don’t think about the things that give me panic attacks. I feel so bad for my fiancée Im so cranky and irritable and I get so frustrated all the time. The littlest things make me so mad at him and we end up fighting all the time. I love him so much and I am afraid of pushing him away.

I thought I had PPD and sought out a support group that was very helpful to me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something else was going on. I have alway been a very stable person and suddenly I would burst into tears anytime someone spoke to me. At first I suffered severe insomia for the first 2 months postpartum and then months later I just couldn't get enough sleep I would start crying at the thought of getting out of bed to feed my son. I had hemorraged post partum and was having problems b___st feeding (first with no let down reflex then with a low milk supply) which I thought might be due to anemia. So at about 4 months postpartum I went for blood test and found out I had borderline anemia and a serious thyroid problem. I was initally diagnosed with hyperthyriodism, which accounted for the insomia, nervousness and confusion. Then a few later it was like hitting a brick wall and I just couldn't get out of bed, a dark cloud had descended upon me. I got tested again and I had hypothyroidism. This time I started treatment and after a number of months adjusting dosage my TSH levels are normal and low and behold my depression is gone. Thyroid disease happens postpartum to up to 10% of women and one of the first signs is post partum depression. It often will correct itself within the first year so many women don't realise it's part of the problem. If you are working with women with PPD make sure they have had their thyroid levels checked to rule that out as a cause.