Depression After Miscarriage Pg1325062702
4 Replies
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I am on here because I feel extremely lost at this point. My boyfriend and I found out we were expecting on December 7th, we miscarried on December 17th. No, we had not planned this baby but we already had known we wanted to get married and have a baby at some point, so although this was a suprise, it was a welcomed one. Everyday of those 10 days that we were expecting we would sit and discuss names, nursery, what our life would be like in next 9 months...all those things. With my miscarriage I was in two hospitals that night with severe pain and no bleeding. I don't know if my emotions and feelings towards this are normal. I have pushed my boyfriend out of my life by being the most hateful angry, sad person. After the miscarriage I would wake up in the night in a panic wondering if I had a bad dream. And when I realized it was real I would just sob. During the hours I was awake I could think of nothing but the baby and how everything we had talked about and wondered about was gone. I was just in a daze all the time and would break down crying. My boyfriend was supportive but it's like even though he was there for me it wasn't enough. I still felt so alone. It bothered me feeling the pain I felt with the miscarriage. The physical pain. The pain of my body actual rejecting my little baby. How long does this last? I mean I still feel so sad over it, but now I am dealing with losing my boyfriend as well because he says he couldn't take the person I was being. Am I at fault? Could I have controlled my emotions and my feelings? Because I truly felt like I knew how I was being but I couldn't stop it. I was just out of it. I was so overwhelmed by emotions that I couldn't make myself be happy and pleasant. I guess I'm babbling on but I'm just looking for others who maybe have experienced same feeling? I want to know that I'm normal cause I'm feeling very abnormal and not good enough and a failure. My boyfriend I were SO excited about this baby and then it's like my body couldn't keep it alive and then I couldn't be happy and good enough to then keep my boyfriend in my life. I feel very lost and confused. :/
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Where are you now with your feelings? I felt extremely depressed after my miscarriage too but after some time went by, I begin to feel normal...
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Update...it has been a complete rollercoaster ride since the 17th when I was told I miscarried. On the 28th I woke up with severe pain in my left side so went back to er. I was told my hormone levels were near 5000 where they should be and that I had NOT miscarried like I had been told. They then did a ultrasound and discovered it was an ectopic pregnancy and I was having internal bleeding. I was taken into emergency surgery and ended up having to have my left Fallopian tube removed. So it's like set back in the whole coming to terms with it. I feel as though it's getting better. But now I am worn out and in pain with nothing to show but three incisions...not a beautiful baby. :/ I am glad to hear things are looking better for you as well.
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Sheesh, I'm so sorry to hear this ordeal. But you can still concieve with only one fallopian tube, so at the very least, do not let that discourage you. At least now, all of the issues within your body have been dealt with and now you can focus on healing and if ready, conceive again :0) How are you and your boyfriend?
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Thank you. I am feeling some relief that I know my body is on the mend and life can start getting back to normal. The boyfriend and I are doing well right now. I think seeing me in the hospital and what not made him realize my body was going through A LOT. A lot more than I even knew. I'm hoping it all gets better from here. I hope we can conceive again but I'm not sure when trying will start again since this one wasn't intentional.
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