Jealousy Or Envy

4 Replies
IsabellasMommy - February 15

I know this post will have very little to do with pregnancy and babies, but I wanted to see if anybody else has a friend like this. One of my best friends (of about 10 years) has to have or do everything that I have or do. When I got my cats, she had to get one; when I got a ferret, she had to get one even though she knew she was allergic to it. When I got married, her and her boyfriend had no intentions of getting married for a few years, but needless to say within a week of us getting married, she decided that they were getting married in 2 months and kind of forced him to marry her. When I got pregnant with my daughter, she was jealous and then they started to try for a child. Not long after I had my daughter, she found out that she could only have a child if she did some fertility treatments. Now, I do feel bad about that, however they do now have a little boy...she was upset because she wanted a girl. When my husband left me when I was pregnant, how most friends would try to be supportive, she just put me down and made me feel worse about everything to the point that I didn't talk to her or see her for about 7 months. When I got pregnant last May and she instantly wanted to try again, her son was only 2 months old, but when I miscarried, she decided to wait for another baby. Now that I'm 16 weeks pregnant again, she's decided that she's ready for another baby and has even thought about doing the fertility treatments without telling her husband. I don't care if she has 50 children, however she's having problems supporting the child she has now. (Her parents buy diapers for the baby and her mom buys baby food and formula.) She isn't like this with everybody, just me and all of our friends see it. It annoys me to the point that I don't even want to be around her or tell her how the pregnancy is going. Anybody else been in a situation like this? I don't mean to sound mean or to make it sound like I'm so much better, because I'm not and my life isn't as great as she thinks it is. I just don't know what to do, we don't have normal friend conversations, she keeps telling me every time that we talk that she wants to get pregnant so that we can have our babies within a few months of each other and that they can grow up together. The children we have now will grow up together, they are only 2 years apart. Any suggestions on what I should do? It's getting to the point that I don't even want to talk to her anymore and that bothers me because we are friends, but I don't want to deal with how she is.

 

babyblue2 - February 16

I can't say I have ever been in the same situation. I knew someone like that once, but we were never that close, thankfully. I guess you just have to decide how much the friendship actually means to you, and how much she adds to your life. If there are more negative reasons than positive, you may want to consider cutting ties. It will be hard at first, but you will adjust. If you decide that she is important enough, maybe have an honest talk with her and tell her what is bothering you. Sometimes just an adjustment in our own att_tude will help the situation. For example, my best friend in high school had the habit of always cancelling plans in the last minute. It used to upset me quite a bit until I realized that she wasn't going change and I just had to accept her. I basically stopped planning anything with her, and we would only do things together spur of the moment. It worked! Maybe limit the amount of information you give her? Whatever you decide, hope things work out for you. Its obviously causing you stress... which isn't good for your baby. Sorry for the ramble!

 

augustmommy3 - February 16

I had a friend like that in high school, minus the pregnancies :) it was ridiculous. if i started to wear a different make up, she would too, new nail polish color on my nails, next day - on hers. I would tell her about my clothing ideas of what i am going to get for that season, within a week she would get that before i could even get a chance to look at anything. i am not kidding, every single thing. and maybe at this point it seems like nothing, but back then it was a big deal. my self esteem went down, i couldn't share anything, but because we were so close i didn't want to say anything. She even found out the guy who was interested in me and i liked him too, she went out with him first and dated him for couple of months. One day i did though and her explanation was that she thought i look so good in everything that she wanted to look the same and i told her that she's not me and we will never look the same because we are different! eventually, i got tired of that and stopped communicating with her or sharing. we grew apart pretty fast. i didn't need somebody who had no personality and was only interested in being a copycat and be me! she was sucking out all my energy. we didn't stop being friends, but we were never the same. it was more like being cla__smates or buddies :) friendship is just like marriage, you give and you take. there has to be a compromise. talk to her, tell her how you feel and that her behaviour makes you unhappy. real friends don't act this way. she is selfish and as you saw, is not supportive at all! I would say stay away as much as you can, at least through out your pregnancy. you don't need to stress about these things while you're pregnant. Good luck!

 

IsabellasMommy - February 16

Thank you for the responses. It really does remind me of high school drama but we've been out of school for about 9 years. Right now, we only talk about once a week or so and sometimes that's too much because she's always asking me to lend her money or asking me to watch her son. I don't mind watching him, he's a good little boy, but she normally asks me when I have a busy schedule and really can't take him with me. Normally when I have a doctors appointment or something like that. Sometimes I feel used because she does this all of the time. I don't work, so it's not like I could give her the money that she needs (normally she doesn't need it, she just wants to go shopping for a bunch of things she really doesn't need...movies, cds, things like that). BLAH!!!! I'm stressing just thinking about it.

 

augustmommy3 - February 17

seriously, you have a right to a stress free pregnancy. she obviously taking advantage of the fact you're not working. don't lend her any more money, tell her this is tough period for you too and you would too love to go shop for your baby or for yourself. you don't really need to explain yourself, if you're too busy or tired to take care of her son - don't! she's is crazy if she doesn't understand that.

 

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