Pregnant With Herpes Kinda Long
10 Replies
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Hi I've known/been with my husband for 10 yrs since 98 and we've been married for 6 of those years. Well we had our first child together in 2001, our second in 2004, our third early this year 2008, and I'm pregnant again, Due 2009. Okay after the delievery of my 3rd child and before I knew I was pregnant, my husband infected me with triconamos sp. Yes he has been cheating on me without protection. So after we argued about that I get a email that goes like this:
I have a confession, I have never shared this wit anyone and don't know how much you will throw this in my face or run and tell the town about. Long story short, I have what I believe is herpes, and I have had sporatic outbreaks since the mid 90's. I think I may have got this from this girl at college. I'm sorry for never being able to tell this to u until now, and I am ready to accept whateva reprucitions you have set for me. Its really embarrissing to admit this but I can't hide it anymore. I'm sorry, its a Lil easier to type this to u rather than say it, even though I have no clue of how u may end up using this email. I'm tryin to get myself ready for the worst, its a crazy sick feeling to know sum stuff like this and jus wish I cud make it go away and have tried a lot of things besides tryin to cut pieces of myself off. I feel so shamed that I'm like this and have fukked up things wit u. So I guess this is jus sum more bad stuff for u to have stuck in ur mind about me, I really do feel bad and know that its no way to fix this.
That is the exact message. So yes I went off, I cussed, yelled, cried, and then I tried to be a good wife and told him we can get thru this, after all our vows said the good and bad, sickness and health. I had him first go and get checked for everything under the sun and the Dr. Of coarse diagnose him with type 2 herpes, so then I went and got myself checked and I now have herpes too. I don't know when I got it, but I do have it. It p___ses me off my 3 babies could have been affected cause he didn't tell me. And this means if he had this durning the mid 90's I met hin in Dec 98, he had it then and he didn't give me a choice to decide if I wanted to date a man with herpes. Then we got married and had kids and my choice still wasn't mines. Again I'm pist but what can I do. I had never had any sort of STD before him and I get 2, all in a few months. I haven't told my family, because I'm embarrass and I feel like a loser. For the rest of my life I will have herpes. And what's crazy is I have always gotton cold sores which is a form of herpes and I told him. I would even refuse to kiss him if I felt one coming. I'm so hurt, confused and ashamed by this all. And my doctor said I will have to take a pill 3 times a day towards the end of my pregnancy. I'm sorry so long but I needed to vent and wanted to see how people would responed because I'm ready to tell this secret, I can't go through this alone any longer.
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Trying, it sounds as if you've really been through a lot in a short amount of time, no wonder you're having trouble processing it all!
All I can tell you is that as much as it hurts and angers you (justifiably) hanging on to the anger over the fact that he gave you no opportunity to make a choice won't change anything. He made a poor decision that will affect you forever, but his email does sound remorseful.
Can you forgive him and move forward? Are you able to trust him again? It seems like you aren't ready to throw in the towel on the relationship, right?
Hang in there and post, we'll be here for you. Will you have to have a C section? When are you due? Did he just drop this bomb?
My thoughts are with you.
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It's a shame that we have to go through stuff like this. My heart goes out to you. I fear this very same thing cause my husband too has been known to cheat in the past and i don't want and std's. we are now currently trying to get through it and yes im pregnant again after just having my dd feb 2008. so i know what you are going through. you're right. going through this alone is not good. i don't know if you have the type of family where you can tell them something so personal without them getting all heating . they could end up hating you husband for a long long time so if they have a good relationship with him i wouldn't tell them just yet for the kids sake. but i would go to counseling with him. tell the counselor how you feel. my husband and i start counseling this month. don't worry, god will take care of you and the kids like he's already done.
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Thank you, babymakes7 and miamia, to answer your questions, I don't know if I can trust him although he says he hasn't had s_x with anyone else since then I have caught him having phone conversation with other women. I have been holding this secret since Aug. I'm due june 3rd on my birthday, and my Dr says he will prescribe me meds towards the end of my pregnancy which I will have to take 3 times a day. So as long as I don't have an out break I won't need a c-sec. Yes I'm afraid to tell my family because although they won't hold it against him they will use it if needed later to hurt him. I really don't want to throw in the towel but. I don't know how to handle this
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i have a cousin that has herpes and she has 3 children v____ally all healthy no problems. The dr. didn't find anything with your last pregnancy? did you just find out from your hubby or did you have an outbreak and didn't know what it was earlier? If you and him can work through this i don't think it will b so bad.
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Miamia do you know when Dr. Test you for STD's in the beginig of pregnancies they don't test for herpes unless u have a outbreak. They say because it's not in your blood, but they can test for antibodies that attack the virus. So if you have it your dr won't know unless you have an outbreak, or you request to be tested, and you will only test positive if you have had an outbreak already. So I thought I had never had an outbreak but I guess I have because my test was positive. And I can recall a time going to my doctor about a bump which he told me it was an hair bump. So if that wasn't the outbreak I don't know when I had one. And I had no idea untill his confession.
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well first, herpes and pregnancy and birth will be no problem for you so dont worry. what is concerning is that you get 2 std's now recently which makes me think this bull s h i t story of him getting it 10 years ago...hmmm i doubt that. what is he going to tell you next, he didnt have v____al s_x with the woman she gave him a b__w job and thats how he got it....ANYWAY, there is no need to tell your family or friends about this as it is VERY personal and only really concerns you and your husband. how did you find out he cheated on you recently...? i am sorry this really sucks and now especially that you are pregnant again...
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Well iona he got caught cause a friend told on him. And yup first he said he used a condom the whole time, well I had my yearly and my Dr said something showed up, which end up being the Trichonomas, I aske my Dr how could I get it and he said unless you been cheating you got it from your husband. And I know I have never cheated on my husband ever. So I asked DH and he then confessed he didn't use a condom that time. And then a couple days later in an email he confessed about the herpes.
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sounds like he will only come out when he's already been caught so don't make it too easy on him. make him suffer a little for a while. iona is right, don't tell anyone, this is between you and him. just take care of yourself and get your checks and take your med like you should.
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I too was diagnosed with herpes and I was shocked! I never had had any symptoms or outbreaks and have no idea when I got this. I'm pregant with my first and my doctor rea__sured me everything is fine. I more than likley have the antibodies and there is a very slim chance I can pa__s it on to my baby. I wouldn't worry. Good luck to you!
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