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My point of my previous post was just to say that FAS isn't the ONLY side effect to drinking while pregnant. Everyone is focusing on FAS, that's the worse case senario. Booze is probably linked to atusim, and all types of mental problems, but who knows.

Oh, and to Bobbi, what everyone said is correct. Try not to worry, leave it up to your doctors. Hopefully all will be A-OK!

A few sips of beer or wine is one thing...I just had 3 sips of red wine the other night...but there is no valid reason or excuse to have 2 kids at home with you, drinking a bottle of wine plus whiskey every single night! Yah, wine can be healthy for you, but just a little! Newlywed, I'm sorry but I don't really see your point. Going on and on about what people did in Europe back in the day doesn't have anything to do with this topic. Plus, how do you know that babies weren't affected by a mother who drank beer all day? Were you there? No, so how could you possibly know whether or not people had FAS? I don't think I'm being judgemental by advising bobbi to abstain from alcohol even after she has her baby...she clearly needs to. She can't just have a few sips. Some of us can, but alcohlics cannot. It's really funny that you were commenting about checking ourselves before going on a crazy rant and being hormonal...it seems like the only person that needed to do that was you. Everything you mentioned doesn't have any significance that applies to bobbi's question or situation. It seems like when someone happens to have a differing opinion from someone on this forum, they are being harsh, judgemental, etc. I WAS being supportive by letting her know that what she has done in the past was NOT OK. It's not! Now that she is pregnant again and not heavily drinking anymore, she should keep it that way, and not just revert back to alcoholism once she has her baby. It's not a good thing for her or her children, AT ALL. So a woman can come on this forum and say that they are a total alcholic with 2 kids and no one is supposed to object? Come on. Kids, pregnancy, and alcohlism don't mix no matter what excuse you try to throw at it.

By the way, I totally wish bobbi the best...I do hope that her baby is okay. I just think that the best thing she can do for herself and children is to quit the drinking alltogether.

but the point is, it's rude to point fingers and tell someone that they are an alcoholic or are damaging their kids etc etc. we don't know bobbi, we don't knwo the whole circ_mstances, and we're not that pure or great ourselves that we have to tell someone else how bad they are. she had family and friends to do that, here she is concerned, desparate for any answer because she is scared. and trust me this is probably a wake up call...or it's not. it's not our business just answer the question with facts and move on. we aren't all perfect. not only that but object to what? if you really want to make a difference offer your personal address or number and have a chat with bobbi and explain to them so that they will listen that what you think they're doing is harming the children that are already with her. or offer her a councellors number. be constructive not destructive.

btw shopping awesome facts. something i agree with hundred percent and you've made the best point ever, it's not just about FAS. there are so many other thigns that are being overlooked. brilliantly put.

So drinking a bottle of wine and whiskey every single night is not being an alcoholic? I am really sorry but I still think it's right to advise someone who drinks that much not to drink even after they give birth. What is wrong with that?

Yes, I agree with shopping too. There are many reasons why most Doctors and books will tell you to completely avoid alcohol during pregnancy. They just don't know enough about it to tell you what a safe amount is.

Bobbi - as newlywed said we are all emotional and hormonal - so with that in mind you have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt. The fact is we don't know you or why you drank the way you did and it's none of our business- There are plenty of us who will be here to support you and I hope that you won't be turned off from the site. I believe that most of the ladies coming off as judgemental only have the best interest of your baby and other children at heart. They want you to make better choices as we all strive to be great mothers. None of us is perfect! You can't change the past just fix the now and the be in control of your future!

reneenay, I'm sorry , but I didn't read anywhere that Bobbi said she was an ancoholic and drank and entire bottle of wine ALONE at home with two kids. How do you know her kids weren't elsewhere? Did you think that mayber her partner was home too? A bottle of wine isn't necessarily gigantic as well, but anyway- I'm not upset over anything. I was trying to make my point that ppl are over obsessive about NOT DRINKING alcohol while pregnant. What Shopping For Two found out is quite interesting and I'm glad she shared it with us all. I just stated th facts of what I know from people who I talk to and I am friends with. Yes, they drink, and no, they aren't alcoholics. They have normal children. I don't CONDONE excessive drinking or alcoholism by ANY means, believe me. THere are too many ppl I know that are this way. Bobbi didn't come here and say she was an alcoholic, and second, she didn't even know she was pregnant-which is entirely possible, and can happen to anyone, especially if she didn't have any unusual symptoms. What I was saying about the people in Europe IS relevant, because they STILL drink wine and beer quite frequesntly. My in laws are from Italy, so I know its still a pretty regular custom to drink wine daily...or a couple times a week, even with preggo women. I was just trying to state the fact that it isn't necessarily quite as harmful having a couple gla__ses a week. More thant that a night, never. My doc says its fine if I want to have a couple wine coolers, and even better if I want to follow them with water. I'm not even a huge alcohol fan, but I'm just saying that in moderation, its okay...just as its okay to eat certain lunch meats, eat hot dogs, have mayo, and eat fish while pregnant. Once again, all in moderation. Anyway, I'm not here to point out whos right or wrong, because we are all here out of concern and we're just trying to be helpful. Sorry if anyone is miffed by this, but we're all here for the same reason...to help. So Bobbi, we hope everything continues to go well for your pregnancy. If you do have problems controlling your alcohol intake, we hope you get additional a__sistance with that for the sake of your new child you're carrying, as well as for the ones you already have. Other than that, take your prenatal vitamins, eat healthy, drink more juice and water and congrats on finding out you're expecting!

My point was that the amount bobbi was drinking was not in moderation, or a safe amount to drink while pregnant. I realize that she didn't know she was pregnant...it happens. She said that she drank for a reason. However horrible that reason may be, drinking that much every night with children in the house or not is very bad. Just because bad things happen in our lives, it doesn't give us permission to drink our problems away. There are such things as positive coping mechanisms, and we should all strive to deal with our problems in a positive way. There is no way that anyone could wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning, ready to be the best Mom to her kids that she could be. There is no way that a parents' alcoholism wouldn't negatively affect their children. Newlywed, it wouldn't make it any better whether or not she was alone or partner was there or not. That is totally irrelevant. Just because someone else is there it shouldn't give her permission to get hammered every night. She is a mother, and she isn't a European woman, or even an American woman that has a gla__s or two a week. Bobbi clearly has a drinking problem, like many people do...it doesn't mean that it can't be helped or that it's too late to fix it. But like I said before, there is no excuse good enough to get wasted every night. A bottle of wine plus whiskey on a nightly basis IS A LOT! That is alcoholism no matter which way you cut it. Bobbi, I congratulate you on your new pregnancy and wish you all the best. I hope you can find more healthy coping mechanisms for your issues, which we all have. Just try and think of your kids and not get back into the nightly binge-drinking after your baby arrives. It the greatest gift you can give yourself and your kids.

well said reneenaye. I agree with ya entirely.

i came to ask for some advice on a situation and some of you have given me that. can i just point out i didnt say i drank wine and whiskey i said maybe a bottle of wine the whiskey was once or twice i think when i had a cold. also where i come from its perfectly normal to drink wine every night with our meals and yes my partner was there so yes he could drive as he does not drink and yes my children are not always in the house and are grown up at this stage. my oldest son is a champion atheltic in running and football and looks set to continue this as a career, he has played sport from the age of 5 and never once have i missed a football match or anything he has acheived. so i will not be called an alcohlic or bad mother by people who do not know me i asked for advice not to be abused or judged, as i said i was not aware i was pregnant and as i also said it is not uncommon for people where i come from to drink like this, also if FAS is so rampant why is it that in europe where doctors actually recoommend we have a gla__s of wine a night , that all children born here have fas????

Hey all, just wanted to comment on the whole Europe thing. A lady at my prenatal cla__s has just come back from living in France, where she said they now in past year have been placing a picture of a pregnant lady with a red X through it on all wine bottles.....so I think Europeans also are getting the message that drinking throughout pregnancy is not good. I would say the message is also sinking in elsewhere, considering France was one of the worse offenders.

Bobbi, this is a public forum, you can not expect everyone to support your decision to heavily drink while pregnant, and even if you were unaware that you were pregnant, I feel there is no excuse. Maybe I am being judgemental, but like I said before, this is a public forum. Also nobody said that you were a bad mother, some of us simply stated that it is not responsible to drink that amount of alcohol each and every night, pregnant or not. My doctor does not condone any alcohol consumption during pregnancy, and even if he did I would still not consume any, because the risks to my baby are too high. Even if the risks were low, I wouldn't drink any. Also it does not matter what country you are from, alcohol affects all babies the same. So you came on here and asked a question and you got answers, you may not like all of the answers that you got, but that's life. We all wish your baby a happy and healthy life, and hopefully you will also help yourself to get healthy as well.

Hey Bobbi, do you know when you're due? Are you going to find out what you're having? I bet this pregnancy is such a surprise to you, considering the time gap between your older children and this new little one. How did they react to the news? Are they excited?