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You are right that their hatred probably comes from being really hurt and bitter...but on the other hand, I think they should be grateful in some ways for those women who allow them to be mothers by giving up their child for adoption. If it weren't for you, someone wouldn't get the chance to be a mother. It's rude of them to say things to you like that but maybe saying nothing in return is ok. At least it doesn't make things worse.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. It's a shame how some depressed people take out their hurt on others. You did not deserve that!! She is clearly in need of help. Her comments had nothing to do with you, she just used you to unleash some of her anger and pain. You are doing such a wonderful thing by considering adoption. Think of the joy you could bring to a wonderful couple and what a gift you would be giving to your child. Adoption is miracle for some families. Thank goodness there are people like you!!

oops...the name was supposed to be Maymom not mymom...regardless...how wonderful, giving and selfless of you to consider adoption. I wish there were more people like you willing to consider adoption.

Lindsay, I think that you are doing an awesome thing. I know so many families that have benefited from people like you. There are so many women out there who overlook the best choice for the child because they can't handle the heart ache of letting go. Don't let them get you down.

Some people are so deeply hurt by the fact they can't have children of their own that they lash out at those that can. My best friend is one of them; his wife does not want children and he very much does. When I got pregnant he was so upset, he yelled at me and treated me badly...because of what he was going though. It's not right for people to do that. My friend also makes a million a year and I'm no where near that..I don't yell at him and make him feel bad for being successful with money. I think you're doing a great thing and you should be commended on that. Tell these people to mind their own business and to take their issues elsewhere; you have no time nor the desire to hear it.

Hello Lindsay, you are doing such a selfless and brave act, giving such a special gift to someone, that you do not deserve to be treated badly at all. . . . You should be proud, you are a wonderful person, having made one of the most difficult choices you'll ever have to make, and these people who say nasty things are just bitter sad people who themselves should know better. Do not lower yourself to their level, say nothing, hold your head up high, and walk away. If you count all the nice people you know, who have been supportive towards you, and then count the 3 people who have been mean to you, the mean people are in the minority. Lets just hope that after they have said their little 'two pence worth', that they walk away feeling ashamed of themselves, and that they've learnt a lesson not to be so nasty, especially seeing how you should hold your head up high, with nothing to be ashamed of. They obviously need help and advice to help them through their hard personal difficult times, but it is not your place to say sorry, for you have done nothing wrong. x

PS; I would like to add too, on a personal note; that when I was ttc I visited this forum a lot, and asked and replied to lots and lots of posts. However when I got pregnant I had such a nasty response from one person, who said such mean and nasty things, that I had stopped visiting this website for a couple of months (that plus the morning sickness. . . ). But, again, why should we say sorry for saying 'yes, I'm pregnant'? 'or yes, this is my choice'. On the forum someone had told me 'to stop bragging that I was pregnant'. They didn't even have the courage to put their name on the post. I think people who are mean and cruel just need to take a few steps back. . .opinions and comments yes, but not mean, cruel and nasty hurtful remarks, that is not what all this (or life in general) is about. x

The thing is Michelle is that most people who have the nerve say things like that to another person do not feel regret, nor do they feel bad for what they have said. They feel perfectly justified for it; no matter how rude these people get they think they are a bad person for it. It's not often you find someone that bitter with life that will feel remorse for what they said to someone else. It's sad, but it's true. Look at this website. Very rarely do people apologize for being mean and nasty.

I meant to say "no matter how rude these people get they NEVER think they are a bad person for it"..forgot one important word there.

To Lisa, yeah, you are correct, it's a shame but true. x

Lindsay, I think it's wonderful that you care so much about your baby to want what's best for him. I know many adoptive couples who are unable to have children and have adopted. My inlaws are one of them. It has made their lives complete. What your doing is a very honorable and loving thing. I commend you for being so responsible and selfless in this difficult time you are going through! Those women who make rude comments to you are only lashing out at you in anger, because they cannot get pregnant and you can. That's not your fault and you shouldn't have to apologize for it. I think that a lot of these women are angry at themselves, but they feel they have lash out at other people so the blame is on someone else. You are an easy target, because of your situation. The next time someone says something ignorant to you, I would respond.....It's not my fault that you can't get pregnant. And me being pregnant has allowed another woman the opportunity to become a mother. So I would be careful what you say about other pregnant women, because you may be waiting to adopt their baby some day. God has made each of us as we are and if you have problems with that, you can take it up with Him! Good luck with your pregnancy and I wish you the very best!

Lindsay - You don't owe any stranger an explaination of why you have choosen to place your child for adoption...so please don't be too mad at yourself for not speaking up. I would suggest that you come up with a standard response, something like: "I am sorry that you feel that way, however what I do is my decision" and walk away. My dh and I adopted our dd at birth and I can tell you that you will, unfortunately, run into rude people after placement as well. You can't educate everyone, and your story is just that, your story - for you to tell to whom you want. I did want to say, from experience, that your unselfish act of placing your child for adoption is something that the adoptive parents will cherish FOREVER!! Not a day goes by that I don't think of our dd birthparents and the trust that they bestowed upon us.

Lindsay.. I'm sorry that some bitter infertile women have acted that way toward you. I have been trying to get pregnant for 7yrs and have not been able to til my divorce a few years ago...I was all set to adopt from a women in prison but she did change her mind which upset me but I understood . It actually worked out because I got pregnant a month later and I'm still here .(Todays my 20wk mark yeah!) .... Your valiant for doing what you're doing but on the other hand there are a lot of people I know that only have children to get more welfare checks or have no concern for their kids and and end up sufferly mental neglect or ,well, just watching the news points out these people that abuse or even kill their child. These women are mad at those people in society and just because they over hear a conversation of a stranger they have no right to stereotype anyone.You are obviously NOT one of these women. I agree will Erin..... Thank goodness for loving women such as yourself who are willing to evaluate their lives and decide they could love their child ultimately better but giving him/her a better life with another family. Just keep your head up and realize that if that women new you and your situation like your unfortunate unfertile good friend she probably wouldn't have said what she did..... Don't sweat the small stuff....Tomorrow is another day!!

As hard as it must be to come to the decision to give a child up for adoption, it should be viewed as the most selfless, heroic act a mother can do. If a mother can't provide for her child, she is proving that she is 'fit' by the plain and simple fact that she is putting the happiness and well-being above her own desires. I would think that if a woman is infertile and wants to have children, that she would be thankful that someone is willing to let her raise their child. The highest compliment I think you could give a woman like that is to hand over your child and say 'you can be a better mother and provide for him/her than i can.' There was something about this on the radio this morning. Someone said that if you give your child away, that you're abandoning it. Not true in my opinion. I was adopted by my step-dad (my bio dad signed over rights) and I think that my bio dad knew he would never be able to be the father I needed in my life, and that this other man would provide for me better than he ever could. I am not hateful or resentful against him. He was giving me a better life. People should judge less and put themselves in the shoes of the people they look down upon.

The thing that angers me is I have been fired, had to drop out of my college cla__ses and as a result will fall over a year behind because of portfolio reviews I will not be allowed into now. My family is extremely upset I'm not planning on keeping her, and a good portion of my girlfriends turned out to not be friends at all, this has not been an easy thing for me. My dad is getting out of drug rehab and is lecturing me. I have so many problesm right now I'm just trying to survive all of this. I feel cheated that my first pregnancy couldn't be when I was stable and able to enjoy it. I won't have a baby shower, I can't decorate a nursery. I worry all the time about what I will do if the family I give her to decides to move back to Germany where they are from. I get angry sometimes thinking about all that I have lost already and that when this is over I drive home alone while another couple who didn't endure the financial and physical strain of my pregnancy take my beautiful healthy baby daughter home. I see that in different ways I'm very much in the same amount of pain as these people who think its ok to torture me loudly in embarra__sing public situations. I understand people are hurting, I am hurting really bad right now. I just don't understand how they can be so mean and hurtful. I feel so used by everyone and everything right now, I want to crawl in a hole.

Jennifer, thank you for what you said, everyone else too. It helps me the most to hear from adopted people who understand and love their bp for what they did. My greatest fear is to be approached by my daughter one day after all the pain I go through and have her say she hates me for giving her up.