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I am so glad you had a good weekend! The rest of mine was pretty good. He did not make any more calls. I think I embara__sed him by leaving him a message telling him that 'myself and my family would appreciate if he would understand and respect what I was going through, and please not call anymore'. I am about 80/20 for having the babies. Even though I am not 100% I am still taking the steps as if I was sure. I have an ob/gyn appointment next week. It all still does not feel like reality to me. Take your time with your decision. It is a lot to process. It is good to hear from you.

I suppose I should go ahead and schedule my first ob/gyn appointment. I'll call tomorrow. I just told my oldest friend, Tom. He said congratulations... even after I had told him that the BF ditched me. Congratulations! He thought it was great news. He said... "you have been talking about adopting for a long time now... just go through with it". He said so what that the BF left... good riddance to the jerk. Wow! That gave me a tremendous boost of confidence. I asked what would I tell co-workers... he said tell them the truth, tell them a lie, tell them you chose artificial insemination... what's it matter what they think. BABIES! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE BABIES!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont worry about telling people. I have told everyone about my situation and everyone has been very supportive. (my situation is under "pregnant by a married man"). This is going to be my second child that I am going to have alone and belive me who ever you will interact with will always think what a jerk is the father that runs away from his child. The funny thing is that is what my BF told me about my first childs father and look who is talking.

I'm officially devestated. again. I sent the boyfriend (I should say EX) and one final email this morning: "I wanted to let you know that I have decided to keep this baby. I know that you are scared. I am too. But I feel that this is the right thing to do. I want you to know that you can have as much or as little involvement as you want. Of course I would like for you to go to the doctor appointments and be there for the birth, but I understand your position and am not expecting you to be that commited. I do not want to do this alone, but am prepared to do so." He just responded, "you've officially ruined my life. You win. dont ever call me or email me ever again. if you need $$$-deal with it." Oh God. How am I going to do this alone?

oh girlfriend. it must be that kind of day. i am pretty blue myself. you did the right thing by sending the email. his reaction was childish and selfish at best. you will have to get it in your mind that you are in this alone. and by that i mean without him. you will have other support~just not him. as for the $, he has no choice. he has to pay. the courts will see to that! he does not have to have any ties to you or the baby, and he has to live with that choice, but he does have to be financially responsible until that child is 18, and in some cases, 21. there is nothing he can do about that. i'm sorry that he is acting this way. you deserve better for you and your baby. and in time you will get exactly that, and he will get exactly what he deserves. there must be something in the air today. i feel awful, and no closer to a decision. some days are better than others~this is just not one of them. i'll pray that tomorrow will be better for both of us.

Lilyfaith, what has happened? Anything in particular? You won't believe this.... my employee (the girl I manage here at work) came in to my office to let me know that she is pregnant! She is due a week AFTER me. I nearly fell out of my chair. What a coincidence! I wanted to tell her, but of course did not. You know what.... this may not seem right, but this is how I'm doing it. I feel 90% sure about keeping the baby, but a little unsure. Some I'm going to start telling people (friends and family, not co-workers). I feel like if I've told my best friends and parents and brother, then I can't back out. This might not be the best way to go about things... but it is what I'm going to do. I've told 3 friends and I'm telling my mom as soon as I can get a hold of her on the phone. That's it... the decision will be final.

I'm so happy that you are making your decision. I pretty much know what mine is too. Some days it is just harder to believe. I have told my family and friends as well. I haven't told them that I am positive about keeping them, but I think the way you do. I know the more people I tell, the more likely I am to keep them. I have been making doctor's appointments as well and proceeding. I just have to say it out loud I and I think everything will be fine. Nothing special has happened today. I am just feeling blue, and very nauseous! I need to think positive! I am glad you are!

I told my parents! They were super supportive! Everyone in my immediate circle of friends and family knows. Everyone is excited. Decision made... no more questioning. BF is out of the picture. So what! I can cope. My first dr. appt. is next Monday. lilyfaith, go eat some crackers and chin up! You're going to be just fine. ;)

Lilly Bell, I am so happy for you. That is wonderful news! I am glad your parents have were so supportive. I am feeling better today, physically anyway. Yesterday was rough. I was nauseous all day, and pretty sad about the whole situation in general. Sometimes I have a hard time putting aside my feelings for my ex. I get way ahead of myself with my thoughts. Like what if when I am 7 months pregnant and fat and alone, he finds someone new and is happy. I don't know if I can handle that. I'm having a rough couple of days. :(

Lilyfaith, You're not going to be with your ex whether you have the babies or not, right? So what does it matter if finds someone or not? When I think about my ex with someone new.... I feel pity for the stupid girl that would fall for his BS. I am angry at my ex... disgusted.... but I also still love him. And I hate myself for still loving him. I know that I'll get over him in time... I think by the end of my pregnancy, I'll be 100% over him and ready to focus on my baby. I would bet that you'll do the same thing! He sent me 2 more emails today. At least he was calm and reasonable and stopped calling me a selfish loser.... but he is still begging me to have an abortion. He just doesn't get it, and I doubt he ever will. Lilyfaith, go to the bookstore & get a hot chai tea and look at some books on single parenting. When I am feeling really, really down.... I always find that the best thing I can do is to get dressed... look really pretty... and go to the book store for a couple of hours. Ha! I hope you have a better day tomororw... I'll be thinking about you.

lily faith, where are you? You haven't posted in a few days.... I hope you're okay!

Hi lilly bell, i'm still here. i have just been in such a funk. i had a few really bad days. i almost made an appointment at the clinic. i just am not seeing a positive to this right now. i don't want to be pregnant and alone. i don't want to be a single mom. and then wednesday night and last night my ex started texting me and calling. i didn't respond~it was one in the morning both nights. then today he called and i answered. we talked for over 4 hours and ultimately we got nowhere. he still says the same hurtful things, except now he says 'you know i'm only kidding'. he wants the babies ('if there his') and is excited. i am not excited. i am just feeling really lost right now. plus it's the weekend and he has fabulous plans and i don't. i feel like i have lost control of the life i used to have. and he is out having the time of his life. right now i don't even want to exist.

lilyfaith... the only way that I can stay sane through this is to NOT talk to my ex-boyfriend. The only way that I can see things clearly is to be alone (or with friends/family). When I talk to him, or read his texts and emails... I actually feel my blood pressure go up... confusion sets in.... and then depression. It sounds like the same for you. And you know, that is just what he is trying to do! Please make this decision on your own... don't let him get to you. Let me ask you.... if you DO choose to have an abortion, you're not going to get back together with him, right?

hi. he doesn't want me to have the abortion. he said he is thrilled and excited 'if they are his'. that if i had an abortion he would be disappointed. that now he has a legacy and he is going to be an amazing dad. so that's not why i would do it. i would not have them because i don't think i am strong enough to get over him if he is still in my life all the time. if i don't have them then i don't have a constant connection to him anymore and then maybe i can heal. i am not healing like this. i am not over him now. i know that i should be and even if i told a whole room full of people all the horrible things he has done and said to me, i would still take him back, and i would look like a fool. it is so twisted. i miss the part of him that i liked. i feel like he was everything that i wanted if we could just get our emotions stable. his looks, personality, the way he dressed~all my type. we have the same likes and interests, tv shows, movies, sports, motorcylce rides. all of it. i feel like i was cheated out of our relationship and that i am not going to find all those things that i like about him in another man. i don't even want to look for someone new. the thought of being with someone else makes me sad. i hate feeling like this. i feel more lonely now then i did after my divorce a few years back. i just don't know why i am not good enough for him, and that really hurts. you know what the weird thing is that i realized today. i am more upset about being pregnant and alone then i am being a single mom and alone after they are born. i think then i would be fine~it would be the three of us. but right now it is just me and i feel like this experience is not something i want to go through by myself. i am sad to go to the doctors when the waiting room is full of happy couples, and all the books are geared towards couples, even stupid baby story on tlc~there's no single and alone stories, again just couples. i don't want to be by myself in the middle of the night. i am crying again just thinking about it.i am definatley not over him. i'm sorry i'm all doom and gloom and negative. i am having a really rough week. i didn't even ask how you are doing. good i hope. fill me in on your week.

Hey, lilyfaith, trust me you will get over it, but you need to distance yourself from your boyfriend. I would tell him that you need some serious space, and ask that he not be involved considerably with the pregnancy (except for the monthly updates or what not). You could even get a third party to mediate the communication process, such as a mutual friend, if it makes it easier. I agree with lillybell that, if you distance yourself from him, you will get over him a lot faster. You'll probaby be over him well before you have the babies. I felt the same way when I first found out I was pregnant. I was convinced that, despite all the relationship's problems, I had honestly found the love of my life. Actually, I still can't imagine ever being in love with anyone else the way I was with my ex-. But, I can honestly say that now, a few months later, I feel very differently. I wouldn't take that creep back if he was shi**ing diamonds. :) I still love him, but spending time apart has helped me get over him, accept the finality of the situation, accept that he treated me terrible and that I can't change that, and has helped me move on. Not that I don't have a ways to go still, otherwise I wouldn't be on the forum, but it's been a big help not hearing from him all the time.

Lilyfaith, are you feeling better? I'm going through the exact same thing now... I feel like I can't do this alone. I don't won't to be single. I miss my ex-boyfriend. I wish things could go back to the way they were. This is a nightmare. BUT... I am extremely sick/nauseated all day every day. I think this has everything to do with my negative att_tude. I notice that when I'm feeling healthy, I don't have this dreaded negative att_tude. I try to keep reflecting on the memory of how positive I was last week. It's so hard though. I just want to feel good again.