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wow! Yes our situation does seem quite similar indeed! Thanks again for the encouragement. I will work on not cutting him out and HOPEfully one day find the strength to accept his ways, regardless of what they may be...my mother is a very, very forgiving person, I think she will also help me to find the strength to let go of the hurt and put my child first. If you have more advice for me, pls send me an email at unandi at gmail dot com. I would Greatly appreciate it. Thank You

tayeana, i agree with all the women who've responded - all of them. first, i wanted to point out - iona skyeblue and lunamoo - i don't think they were trying to be critical / judgmental. i think its a misunderstanding - sometimes the tone of a msg gets lost in writing (i.e. when you email someone and they take it the wrong way). in their defense, i've seen their posts on other threads over the last 7-8 months and they've never seemed judgmental or righteous to me - i think they were trying to help. also, from how the posts read, it seemed like you and iona have different definitions of what it means to be there 100%. i might not have used the term 'total instability' that lunamoo did, but you did describe in the immediately prior post a situation that is not currently stable. but then, many women posting in this forum are here b/c its an unstable situation - and yet then again, most responding are sensitive to that. ultimately i think lunamoo was reacting to your words 'nomad' and 'limbo' etc - pretty strong words themselves. anyway i don't think she meant to cause offense, just blunt feedback. and i don't think getting therapy means crazyhouse - its not for everyone, but its helped a lot of people. u mentioned not being a citizen here - not sure where you're from, but where my family's originally from, if someone suggested therapy it'd be considered really offensive. but that's just not the case in the US. clindholm said what i would have - in a whole lot less words *grin* if you're going to move, do so while pregnant. once you've had the child, he can block your moving away - presuming he's acknowledged paternity and you live in the same state. this is true re: moving interstate, and even more so internationally. of course, the other side of that is the effect on child support. child support is a child's right, and not something a mother should waive in my opinion. to me, its not about whether you want support from him or not - b/c its not there for your benefit - but whether you can afford to care for the child, are rich enough that a court wouldn't award any support. you'll need to look into getting the baby a pa__sport btw - not sure how long that is, but i know children's pa__sports don't take as long as adults - b/c there's less background check to do hehe. last, in my opinion, as a general proposition its better to have a disappointing father than none. with none, they will always wonder 'what if'. with a disappointing father, they can choose to walk away. as long as the dad's not abusive crazy etc., i would give the child the choice. in your case, however, if going home means the child has a fuller, richer life, surrounded by your loving family and friends (and if you have better career prospects back home), and the *only* benefit to staying here are b/c the father *might* be around every now and then, i wouldn't stay. i would go home, and tell the dad he can send cards, call, email, and visit. to live your life otherwise can lead to resentment towards him and towards your child. don't stay if it makes you miserable, or if you wouldn't stay if not pregnant. happy mom = happy baby. good luck!