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Should we get back together. We knew each other since I was 14, he 21. We got married in Russia and both came here to USA 5 years ago. We got divorced in 3 years(he divorced me because he thought I was a bad wife all day in school no cooking, etc), he kicked me out of his apartment..it was my last semester i University...I don't know how I made it to graduation sleeping in the library but I did. After my graduation he called me and said that he wants to meet. We started seeing each other again. I got pregnant. Told him, he of course said he's not ready and can pay for my abortion. I declined and he flu back to Russia for another year. He doesn't know what my dance has been, alone, pregnant, with no family or real friends. I found my first temporary job, rented a room in a very old house. My landladies' daughter started hating me for no reason (beacuse I was an immigrant, pregnant and single and she thought I'll be a wellfare mom) She was verbally abusing and threatening me..I had a very high blood pressure because I her. I found somebody who saved me from that h__l. Through my friend I met and doctor and a chemist with his own lab..he gave me a job and I moved to a different state. later we started dating and he wanted to adopt my child and introduced me to his family. To make a long story short that guy also left me when I was in labor saying that he's not ready to commit. He was the biggest love of my life. I gave birth I was lifeless. I still haven't completely recovered from my loss. I obviously lost my job and had absolutely nowhere to go. But I was strong, was going to interviews and got a professional well-paying job 3.5 month later. When my baby was 6 month his day came back from Russia and said that he wanted to be a family. I thought it would be better for my son. I let him live in my apartment where he's until now. I hate him!!! He was partying in Russia and chasing girls while I was struggling to survive with my baby. He likes his 11 month old son, he's still not great with me. No emotional support, he doesn't help around the house, still belives in abortion ( we are not having s_x). he wanted to get married soon. He's making veru good money..and that helps for my son but that's about it. But I'm afraid to kick him out. If I do, first, my son is already bonding with his father, second if god forbids and I lose my job I'll be on a street again as I have no system of support. I want LOVE more than anything.
Should we get back together???
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 | O - February 9 |
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Based on your grammatical skills and your status as an immigrant in a foreign country I would stay with your husband. He provides financial a__sistance, which you need. Forget about love, it's for romance novels and sappy movies. I would turn on my survivial instincts now and milk him for what he's worth. And please, if you are going to stay in the United States (i'm a__suming it's the USA) learn better English. Who gave you your degree??
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 | Ed - February 10 |
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What great advice from O, stay with a person that left multiple times and try to milk him. On top of that b___hing on her English skills, take a look elsewhere on the forum where 13 year old pregnant girls can only write sms language. What kind of a sorry excuse for a person are you?
Mary, the only person in this life you can depend on is you! You have to make this work on your own. There is no need to get back with this guy. It is obvious that you hunger for love but this is not the right way. chances are that he'll leave you again anyway when he gets fed up. Honestly, the fact that you even let him in shows you have little self respect/love.
Work on your self respect and know that you as a hard working single mother deserve better than what you're getting.
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 | krc - February 10 |
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Mary, about 6 months ago I worked at this job and my co-worker was from lithuania. She came here with her husband and they had 2 small babies under 2 years old. Well her husband started to cheat on her and left her to pay all the bills while he moved to another state. ( what a sc_mbag ! ) . Her english was pretty good because she was determined not to fail. She got a job making only $10 an hour but because she was strong she managed to keep all her bills paid and her children fed. I myself am pregnant but my baby's father pa__sed away recently. I dont have a degree but I can make it. What Im saying is.. you can make it without him. Do you want your child to be raised in a household with no love or respect for the mother? What if he decided to go back to Russia and take the child with him? As for you wanting love..we all want love. I miss my boyfriend but he's gone now. Instead of receiving the love he used to give me I must now direct my love to my child. Love will come to you eventually, just don't hang on to it for the wrong reasons because you'll just be hurt in the long run.
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Thats the problem with our country...Your so ridiculous ...There is no need to judge someone on the way they type...How stupid and ignorant of you! Mary, I wish I could really help but the truth is ..YOU ARE BETTER OFF ALONE..You made it before and you will make it again. You don;t have to live with someone you HATE....Please think of your happiness because it will be pa__sed on to your child. Good luck!
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It would be easier financially to stay with the father I would say stay with him until things get more stable. It takes two sometimes!
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| Ed - February 11 |
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Peggy, I don't see the logic to that, she can get financial stability on her own. Sure it provides financial stability when he stays, but what happens when he leaves? That's right, say goodbye to stability and hello insecurity. She'll be back at square one. Never sell your soul for a couple of bucks...
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No you should not take back this man, but you should get financial support from him through the courts and give him some visitation rights. You listed all the reasons in the world why this man is no good, so I think you know the answer to this question of yours. Also, why would you lose your job again? Just go to work and be a good employee. If you do lose your job, you'll find anohter one. Do not stay with this man. There is no love there, as much as you want there to be. He is a loser obviously. He'll leave again, no doubt about that. And I am sure you already know it. Also, to the folks making fun of her grammar etc., thats really mean. Just because someone doesn't speak english well, doesn't mean they are stupid. There are other countries in this world, ya know.
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Financial support is one thing, but help changing diapers and feeding is another thing! Please...
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Mary, do what you think is right, but take MONEY out of the equation when making your decision. This man believes in abortion, premarital s_x and is suddenly in a hurry to get married... try and work out what his agenda is... marry you then get custody of the boy and rid of you????? ... i would tread very carefully. As for wanting love more than anything, have a break from that for awhile, you will only be vulnerable to predators who will say whatever you want to hear. Take care, you probably know what you want... just have to make the final decision.
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I orginated this topic a few days ago and just want to add something. I met another guy online and we met in person this weekend. He seems to be a great guy! Being a single dad he understands what I'm going through. He's 30 and adopted a 17 year old boy and was never married. He works as a psychiatrist with kids with behavioral problems (he adopted one of them through his center) and earned his Ph.D. He's a very sweet and funny guy, he didn't mind that I brought my baby to our first date. He really wants to have a big family and many kids. He said he liked me and wants to get together again. He even wants to drive where I work to see me at my lunch break sometimes (it's 1.5 hour drive for him)--he's the boss so he can affort it..At the same time, my ex is living in my apartment (the guy who's the father of my son) and I still haven't kicked him out or filed for child support. I'm actually a single and independent woman..but I don't feel this way..because I can't even talk to my new friend because ex is always behind my back. And I'm afraid to cut the ties with him until I find someone better. Now it seems like I lie to that single dad because he doen't know that my ex lives in my apartment (even in a different bedroom). Bottom line: I don't feel I can date someone new until he's gone. But at the same time he's bonding more and more with his and my child but he's distant with me and always makes me feel guilty. We really totally don't get along, yet we live like a perfect family under the same roof. Should I just kick him out and move on with my personal life?
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| Ed - February 12 |
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That is why you should never introduce a father figure to a child unless you're d__n sure it's going somewhere. You are obligated to your child to set the best examples you can set. Some people bring home and introduce to their kids every date they have and it's wrong. A child need steady and proper rolemodels that will stick around. You say you are afraid to cut the ties with your live-in ex until you find someone better, is he an item you can trade at the guy store? Furthermore he is distant, makes you feel guilty, and you admit to living a fake fairytale perfect family???? On top of all that, you have hidden from your possible new bf that you're ex still lives with you. Could you please give me the adress from the new guy you're dating, because i feel obligated to warn him. About one thing you are right, you are not independent and if you can not figure out how to deal with this the right way, then you possibly never will be independent. Show some strength, honesty and integrity and you might just come a long way!!!
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Kick him out NOW. He can still be involved in his chids life with out living with out. Have you noticed he leaves or kicks you out when the going gets tough? You only had one more year to graduate and he throws you out on the streets. You get pregnant he leaves the country only to show up when you prove you can make it with out him. How you can let him live with you AND treat you like c___p only shows him and us that you don't think very much of yourself. Please look at how much you have accomplished and the circ_mstances that you had to deal with. He treats you like c___p because he knows he can get away with it, don't be a victim. You don't want your child to grow up thinking it's ok to treat someone this way or to be treated the way you are being treated now. You CAN DO THIS WITH OUT HIM. You have already proven that. You just need to believe in yourself. DO NOT marry this guy he has already proven to be very unreliable. He only wants you now because you are doing well. What happens if you do lose your job? KICK HIM OUT and take it very slowly with this new guy to make sure he is the one. If you don't think he will leave peacefully, get your locks changed and call the cops to escort him out.
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He adopted a 17 year old boy?? Um...?? I was living on my own at 17. It's not like 17 year olds need to be adopted... something doesn't sit right about that one. Also, you should introduce someone to your child unless you are certain that they are going to work out. It gives your child the impression that casual dating is acceptable. It also will end up making you look like a loose woman to your son. Think about that. Independent my a__s! An independent woman would never have taken her ex back, nor would she want to find someone new before moving kicking her ex out. Furthermore, your making Russian woman look bad and they already have a bad reputation in the USA. What is that Russian expression?? "What is yours is mine and what is mine is mine!"
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Do you have legal citizenship. Can you think about maybe waitressing? You do not have to have perfect grammer for that. Do not stay with someone because of you "might" lose your job. You can do it. I was 21 when I first had a baby. Same thing. Dad left me prego and alone. Had no job, no car, no family. But I did it. It took many ups and downs. I have been kicked out of apartments. But, I learned over years. My daughter is 9 now. A straight A student and a bundle of love. The dad came back too, when she was 10 months. He too was sleeping with other people. But I realized that you change after the baby. If you hate his get out. Get child support, and I am sure that if he loves the baby. He will take it on the weekend, you can work without having to get a baby sitter. Hate to admit it, but sometimes it is easier to do it on your own, then with a dumb a__s and you are miserable!! Hang in there......You are a survivor.
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Ps. Now I am 30 and own my own company. I was once there, if I can do it, you can. Be strong
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