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Do any of you women have dangerous situations with the father of your child? In other words, are you concerned for your safety if you were to pursue child support or try to make contact with the father? I have a situation where the father is completely ignoring me, but I also have reason to suspect that he might be dangerous. He thinks all women have done him wrong, and I know that his own father attempted to kill his mother. Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but this frightens me. He seems to not want anything to do with me and the child, no contact, no financial responsibility, etc., but I'm worried that he could come back at any point in the future and establish paternity when we least expect it, throwing our lives into turmoil later. The only reason I'd file for paternity is so he's on record as having this responsibility, and if he ignores it then I can have his rights terminated once and for all for neglect/abandonment - especially since I want to provide a 2-parent home for this child and would want a different man to adopt the child if the real father continues to be non-existent.
Well, I guess I'm just wondering how you ladies handled any dangerous situations you had with the father. Did you choose to just let sleeping dogs lie, and hope and pray he never comes around again, or did you take legal action, or ? Did he show violent behavior or bullying behavior, or threaten you? It just seems so easy for a man to do away with a woman because of her inconvenient child. I know that's sick and sad, but it happens and we see it in the news.
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Hmmm, what was he like before the pregnancy? What did you love about him in the beginning and when did things change...? Can you list any positives about him...?
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Hmmm, that really didn't even address my questions. I hormonally "loved" him for a very short time (i.e., s_xual "love" that occurs when you barely know someone). This was a totally unplanned pregnancy. I left him within 1 month of dating him when I learned things about him that I didn't like or want to be around. Yeah, it was really stupid of me to have s_x with a man I didn't know better, but it was the heat of the moment and now I'm not going to kill a baby just for my own stupid mistake. As for positives, if there were many of them I would've stayed with him.
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I know how you feel candy, I'm actually in the same spot as you right now almost word 4 word. I personally decided to tell everyone in the legal world that I didnt know who the father was. I am scared to have him be involved in any way because of what he might do if they came after him for child support. I figure whatever money they got out of him isnt worth having to deal with him again and worry all the time. I know he'll never come back as long as they dont go after him, I jus hope it never bites me in the a** as far as legal doc_ments go - like pa__sports and stuff. I dont know how that all works. But in my personal opinion I would say that if you feel that strongly about it to go with your gut and let it go. NOTHING is worth you and your childs safety! Not to mention for him to pop up one day and try claim that hes the childs father and try to do -anything -would take ALOT of work!
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Well I needed to get a bigger picture before I attempted to answer your questions. Obviously what you posted is just one sided...hence me trying to get a peek into the other side...I also wanted to see how well you know the father of your baby and if he has always been like this or recently changed. But as you don't know him well, and were with him only a few short weeks, its hard to advise as probably your guess is as good as anyones as to what he will do and how he will react. It could be that you are over reacting...please don't take that the wrong way--better let me ask, has he threatned you or your baby in anyway, even verbally...? If he is completely ingnoring you, what reason do you have to suspect he is dangerous...? It's a very difficult situation because most likely at some point yor child will be curious about his/her father and then what...?
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well i know where you are on this. my father of my baby we were together for a short time before i became pregnant but i felt so involved and in love with him so fast. it turned out to be pretty terrible. found out hes out of his mind, he has an awful temper. thinks he has demons in his head and hes gotten in my face ane backed me against walls before.... smacked my hand off of him, screamed as loud as possible in my face and nearly gotten us into a car accident because he was angry. i had to break it off with him. hes in the NAVY and my mother pushed into telling his captain hows he been acting and im afraid that hes going to push trying to take this baby from me because my mom got involved and put his job in jeopardy. im afraid hes going to find me and hurt me. he told me himself he triedto kill his ex gf with a switchblade to her throat and apparently hes got a double personality. what the hell are we going to do??
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and the crowd goes quiet... afireinsideamanda, it escapes me how someone could be this bad, yet it went undetected during the time you were in love. People are rarely "that good" at deceiving. Anyway, don't worry about him trying to take your child. On what grounds? Are you actually WORSE than the demon-possessed, angry, screaming, road-raging lunatic you've desribed, lol? If not, no worries, don't let him scare you with that. One thing I would strongly advise you against, is messing with his job. Leave that one alone.
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well terio, i dont know how he kept the warning signs hidden as long as he did, but all i can say is im glad i saw them before i married his a**. he was always very controlling and itried to take it as just a protective thing and understand but it just got worse and worse. i didnt know he was NUTS though.
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One thing that you should know is just because you do not establish paternity that doesn't mean that he does not have rights to your child. I was with an abusive man when I had my daughter. He put me in the hospital several times during my pregnancy, my doctor new all about it, at the hospital when I was born the nurses gave me some wrong advice. They said not to fill out the paternity papers in the hospital and then he would have no rights to her. A week later I decided to leave him and he took my daughter and left. She was a week old. The police didn't care about paternity. They asked if he was the father and I said yes. He asked if we had any formal custody arraingement and I said no, he then told me he had every right to have my daughter and they wouldn't help me.
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Terio - it's really not that uncommon for people to hide who they really are in the first few months of dating. People put on their best face, to impress, or to just to get their date to stick around. It's manipulative, and it happens all the time. Why, my ex just posted a personal ad claiming he doesn't have kids. Lying and coverups are an epidemic. Even good people gloss over their bad features and baggage, just to get someone to like them. Some people really ARE that bad once you get to know them better.
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