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I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I find it ridiculous that he wants the baby full time but did not even bother to see him until he was 10 months. Your son will NEVER be confused about who mom is. I understand your concern, but by now your baby is so bonded, there is no way that other woman can confuse him. Sorry about your situation, I really hope it gets better.

Your child will always know who his mother is. I was dating (we're married now) my husband when his daughter was an infant. She calls me "mommy", but she knows her REAL mommy. I have never dreamed of trying to take her mothers place. I am there to take care of her and support her emotionally as she grows and love her like my own, but I have never tried to confuse her as to who her real mommy is.

Why does your ex want or think he can get his son full time? As posters said above your son won't get confused and he will never get full custody. Sorry your situation is grim, but things will get better!

springbaby i think you have nothing to worry about. your baby is by now well and truly bonded with you and knows you are his mother. babies arent daft and they bond very early on, so although 14 months sounds very young to us, in terms of how much they have bonded and advanced it is a considerable length of time in terms of baby development. also i think you might be forgetting the fact that maybe this other woman doesnt want to be seen as a 'stand in mother', she got with him knowing he had a child and she now has to come to terms with the fact that he wants to see the child more, so she is probably perhaps a bit more peeved off by this than anything else! i don't think we should a__sume that because she is female and might see the baby regularly, that she intends to be some kind of 'second mother' to him.

its been pretty tough. Before he didnt ask one thing about the baby, now he wants doctors info, daycare info, social security. He wrote the court and told awful lies about me when I have done nothing but have my son ready for visitation. Its getting out of control. i want to ask the court to dismiss the case, but I dont think it would be possible. He keeps saying after time, he will get custody. he already has another child a few states away. doesnt see or talk to that child and has given up any opportunity of being a father to that child. I know you guys wont agree, but I really wish I never told him about the baby. Its a nightmare now. I dont feel Ishould have to go to court and defend these lies he keeps telling. YOu are right that my son knows who I am. He never wants me to let him go. I dont want him calling another woman mommy. No offense to you stepmoms, but thats just how I feel. My parents went their ways when I has still a toddler and I never called my fathers wives mommy and still dont. It just wasnt natural.

Okay this sounds a bit over the top. I do believe you--your version of the story-- but there are always two or more versions of a story. To begin with, you slept with this man and knew the consequences could lead to pregnancy...AND IT DID! So now you have to make the best of it for your child. Talk to your ex, deal with him, even if it takes therapy/counceling. We all have issues and parts of ourselves we can improve...and what better reason than for our children!!! Good luck

PS You should be happy now, for your child, that he is interested in your son's health, day care etc. Would you rather him not give a flying f*ch??

springbaby its natural that your baby will not call this other woman mommy because he knows who his mother is! it doesnt seem that you have considered that this other woman most probably doesnt want to be seen as a mother figure and called 'mommy' by a child she has no blood relation to! i think most women who choose to get involved with a man who has a kid to someone else just have to reluctantly accept the fact that he wishes to be a part of his baby's life. i have several friends who are the 'other woman' and they often say how they sometimes wish the baby wasnt there as it just causes jealousy, bitterness and anger from the baby's mother. its a difficult situation but what im trying to say is that you should consider perhaps how it feels to be the other woman who has to accept these things as its not easy for them to do that. from what ive seen they certainly don't think 'fantastic, a ready made family, now i can play mommy'!! i hope the Court make the right decision as he doesnt sound particularly nice if he has another kid he doesnt contact or see.

i'm in this situation and i'm THE OTHER woman. We are trying so hard to be part of my husband's daughter's life, but the mother will have none of it. I know this is not my daughter, but she is still part of my husband and I cannot wait to meet her.. His daughter just turned 4 and we are going to court next week as mother wants nothing to do with him having access to his daughter.. In fact, we are the ones dragging her to court and at some point we will apply for guardianship.. She can have the custody.. We have a child of our own and I would love for my son to be able to know his sister.. So hopefully the courts will be able to give us visitation and chances are this will have to be done through mediation and have someone else present to meet the child. I know it's hard when there is another woman involved but just think of the way that there are more people to love your child. and that's a good thing.

123abc, I am very sorry for your situation but think you and dh are doing the right thing! Hopefully you will simply get normal unsupervised visits--especially if you both have clean records and histories. His ex sound like a evil wench to deny her child to a relationship with her father. People are so stupid, selfish and just sick. So often adults pit children in the middle of their stupid drama and YES the child will suffer. Good luck!!

Well, as far as my childs father being in his life, i cannot control that. I have let him know Ihave no intentions of co-parenting with him. He needs to do what he does with his child on his time, and I will do the same. I want no part of my childs father in my life nor I in his. I know its sad for the child, but I need to do whats best for my mental health to raise my child properly.

springbaby - the father needs to be involved for the child's sake. You need to put your feelings aside, I mean, he will come and pick up your son, spend time with him and return him. Your son will come to look forward to those visits.. You don't want to be giving negative feelings to your son about your ex. We are going to court in 2 days and I'm hoping my husband gets visitation. we've been waiting for this for 4 years now. iona - you are so right... i think this evil woman just wanted a kid, but yet she also wants child support... not quite sure how that makes sense. my husband has taken his responsibility and pays his child support.. imagine, 2 years now of paying child support and never even met his daughter. I cannot wait to see this witch's face when the judge says that she has to comply. We will be asking for supervised visits, because we don't believe that she will bring his daughter. Therefore it's easier to arrange it through courts, where another person is present. he thinks that she won't even show up... and we don't know where she lives.. so makes it harder.. she's truly evil... like i know there are two sides of a story, but I've known my husband since she was 2 months pregnant, she stayed away, he did absolutely nothing to her to make her do this.. i can understand maybe if it was a relationship went bad, etc, but it was a drunken one night stand... both parties were equaly guilty. so how come she gets to stay with her daughter, my husband pays for it and never sees his daughter. i know it's killing him, but he's patient. and i'm sure the judge will see that. anyways, wish us luck! i'll keep you posted, court date is june 18th

I've seen the other side of this though...My cousin has a 2 year old son. His ex gf went off the pill with out telling him, got pregnant, and exspected everyone to love the child...they constantly fight and never get along. He finaly told the family after the child was a year old because he was embara__sed about all of this. He is a great father..and though I have never met the ex...I have heard that she isn't the greatest mother ( the child always has bruses on his face and isn't dressed properly ) My cousin is also dating this girl whom he has been dating since he found out about the baby and she is so great to his child. She hasn't taken the place of his mother though she wishes he was hers instead of the ex because thats how much she loves him and it just really hurts her. But I know how the ex feels because at the same time I am not talking to my babys father because he freaked out and stoped talking to me but if he came around and had a gf I'd be really upset.

well that is exactly the problem.....gf and stepmothers trying to take the place of mom. Irt is a detriment to the child in my opinion. When my father got married to another woman, I refused to see him with the evil stepmother around. My mother never said anything negative to me, I was not going to let her try to be my mother. She got the picture after awhile. its been about 16 years, and Ive probably only seen her 5 times in thhose years

springbaby - i would never try to replace the mother, it is not my child. and it depends on the situation. you obviously have a bad experience and it looks like your child will too. Your son, if he develops a healthy relationship with his dad, will know that whoever his dad chooses to spend his life with, will care for him too. how old were you when ur dad re-married? what was it about the step mom that you didn't like? anyways, i'm sorry you feel that way, but every child deserves to have people around them that are supportive and love them, and stepmothers can do all of that too. especially if other siblings are involved.