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Ever have one of those days when you wonder what the h__l you were thinking? I am a 29 single female and 25 weeks pregnant. I am currently going through a divorce. My husband and I seperated in February, and in June I began dating a friend of a friend. Our relationship was fairly casual, and since I had recently seperated from my husband, I was not looking for a serious relationship. Anyway, in September, I discovered I was pregnant. I cannot say that I was completely suprised when I found out I was pregnant, as I recently went back on birth control, and the father choose not to use condoms. To make a long story short, he did not want anything to do with the child or me after hearing the news. I decided to keep the child. At the time I was in a doctoral program in another state. Now, I am in my home state near my parents. I went from being a self-sufficent woman, to a person living with a friend, until I can afford to live on my own, back in school to finish my master's degree, and applying for welfare because I don't earn enough money to support myself or the child. I have returned to what I used to do, but I am only getting limited hours at this time. I don't want to look for other work, because (a) I don't think I would have good luck since I am pregnant, and (b) I want to dedicate some time to finishing my thesis before the baby arrives. Anyway, I just learned that my soon-to-be-exhusband is now in a relationship, he is working steadily (he never worked during our marriage-- one of the reasons we split) and his life is going great, while I am single and pregnant by a man who not only does not want my child, but doesn't even acknowledge it, homeless if it wasn't for my dear friend letting me stay with her until I get on my feet, and going on Welfare. On days like this, I feel lower than low, and wonder what am I doing? Why did I choose this? I have a history of miscarriages, which is why I could not bring myself to an abortion, but now with everything in my life upside down I wonder what am I doing. Not everyday is like this, some days are great and I can't wait to be a mommy, but days like this make me want to run away somewhere. On top of all of this, I don't have full support of my family because I gave up a paid doctorial canidate position for this decision. The baby's father's family does not know, and I don't know if I should tell them or not. I have a plan to complete my masters and have work lined up for when I do, to make it so that I can support myself and my child, but getting there seems so far and I wonder if I can make it. I know this is long, but I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. I don't feel like I can talk to any of my friends about this, and certainly not my parents. I feel very alone. My friends are either married, or single and very single -- going out drinking, etc. Plus, the majority of the friends that I had from my home area (where I am now) were friends of my exhusband and I, and I just feel awkward being around them now, especially under these circ_mstances. Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get this out, and wonder if anyone else felt like this? Does this get better? I'm terrified of post-partum depression, because if I have days like this now, what is it going to be like when my daughter arrives? To those of you who stuck out this long venting session, thanks :)
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