Very Complicated Situation
9 Replies
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Ok here it goes. I could possibly be pregnant by my ex and he would like for me to have an abortion if I am. Now we were together for almost two years. I told him I had cheated and a couple of weeks later I broke up with him. We still continue to sleep with each other. I told him I was no longer on ortho evra this past November. So for awhile we had protected s_x and then we would started using the withdrawal method. Recently I admitted to him that I was having protected s_x with someone else we work with(wee work together) for awhile, like a fling. So basically on top of the fact that I cheated he is also hurt by this, especially theee fact that I lied about it. I feel so horrible about the situation. I love him so much, and don't understand why I hurt him. All I could do is ask God for forgivness as well as my ex's. I want to prove to him I can be a good woman to him. He says I'm young and still learning, which I am. He's 33 and I'm 21. So now we really aren't talking except to keep him posted about if I'm pregnant or not. The part that hurts the most is that he still loves me, I don't deserve his love. Sorry it's so long. I just had to give a short background of my situation. I don't really know what I should do If I am pregnant.
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I would also like to add that I have already had two abortions from my ex from high school. I mention this because this is my reason for want ing keep the baby if I am pregnant. I don't really want go through that again. My recent ex knows of this. So I really don'tknow what is best.
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I am out here I just dont know how to put this nicely because I never want anyone to be negative with me..but I think your ex is better off without you. I believe in being faithful to one...and it seems your ex felt the same way...of course I try not to judge anyone, as for being pregnant I dont think I could help you either because I am very PRO-LIFE so my opiono which is all I can give is you created a life...it is your reponisiblity to take care of that life. And I think you do have a lot of growing up to do. I also believe that a person can change but that change has to come from within not because someone who loves you wants what is best for you...Personally I think if you are pregnant you need to focus in on that life and try to make the best of the situation with your ex...I am not saying he should go back with you but he knew that he was having unprotected s_x with you and what the conquences could be, so he needs to be there for the child sake and for your child sake I hope that you can both come to an understanding...and maybe one day you will deserve your ex's love if that is what you truely want.
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i do agree completly with mommy. the only other issue i have is paternity. how can you be sure who daddy is and that is the first thing you have to do. the second thing, is to keep communication open with your ex and maintain a friendship and if it leads back into a relationship then so be it. You are still very young, and you have to prepare yourself for the fact that he may not want you back untill you grow up some. If you are pregnant, than just focus on the pregnancy and staying healthy, if your choice is to keep it. deal with the paternity when baby comes, then deal with the relationship with your ex whether its just friendship or more.
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Well I do say thank you for the responses. What everyone said here makes me cry. it's been hard.The last time I had s_x with the other guy it was before my last period,Jan5-17 and it was protected. Anyway I already should have seen this coming(your comments). I'm just trying to stay stable mentally. I am what they call a cutter. There was just so much going on in my relationship with him. I felt quite inadequate for awhile because I was younger. I guess I shouldn't had jumped into a relationship right after a breakup and two previous rapes, I wasn't done coping yet. I'm just a time bomb of emotions so please exscuse me.
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Is there anyone else out there with advice?
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snugglez you are not a horrible person...my cousin I think is a horrible person... but he had a steady girlfriend for two years, that he lived off of (he never had a job or went to school)...while with this girl he cheated on her several times behind her back....when she got pregnant he dropped her like a hot potato and has nothing to do with his sweet beautiful 18 month old daughter. (the rest of my family stepped in and help the ex girlfriend, because her family disowned her...they are very religious) On the other hand his brother who we all thought was worst then the first got a girl pregnant and as soon as he reliezed he was going to be a father he stopped all the drugs he was on...found a job at a warehouse making ok money considering he doesn't have a high school diploma yet...and married the girl when she was 6 months pregnant. He has been faithful to her and his son....his son is 5 months old today in fact. But to both the BOYS in our family we sad down with them and told them to grow up...I said there was hope for you AND SNUGGLEZ THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU...but first you have to get concling from the rapes...and don't turn to cutting...I have exprience with both of these things...and to confuess I told my ex about the baby at the end of Oct and the begining of Nov my mom ended up in the hospital and I turned to cutting again after not doing it for 6 years...its a form of avoid the issues....And to be honestly with both girls who got pregnant by guys in our family, the first thing we told the girls was don't be stupid and wait around on these guys. We told the Girls they deservered better...but then when my secound cousin cleaned up his life...we encourage the two people to be together...in some freaky way I am hoping my ex becomes like my second cousin...and for YOUR OWN HAPPINESS I HOPE YOU LEARN TO TRUST AND LOVE but with you I really think you need therapy to do this....ok I didn't read this again because I am very late to work but I hope I didn't sound to mean. I may write corrections but Snugglez you really really do need to talk to a rape counslor at least.
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Snugglez- Why are you beating yourself up over this. He was your BOYFRIEND for goodness sake, NOT your HUSBAND! Yeah, you love your ex, but something obviously made you stray. Maybe you are not ready for such a commited relationship. But you don't have to feel like the sc_m of the earth because you went out on this guy. You are a young girl....as far as keeping the baby if you are pregnant, I think you should. After two abortions, you'll never know how your body will react after a third. You don't want to scar yourself for life and not be able to have any children. Do what is best for you and the child. Maybe you do have growing up to do as far as relationships go. But that's not a bad thing. We have all been there. Take care and good luck with everything!
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and I am really sorry about your tragic past. Seek counseling, see a therapist,etc. Maybe a relationship isn't what you need right now. Maybe you need to focus on you and get past your emotional issues without the drama of a relationship. And if you are pregnant...you need to get healthy..emotionally and physically by the time the little one arrives so you can be the best mother you can be. Don't worry about your ex. If there is a baby involved...it's not about you two any longer, it's all about that child. So if he wants to be in the child's life, that's great. But I suggest before you get back into a relationsip with him(if he wants to in the near future)..don't jump in full force. Start off slow and continue seeking professional couseling until you feel stable enough to give it your all. Take care!!
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