Will My Daughter Ever See Her Father
6 Replies
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I'm 33 weeks pregnant and so far I haven't really seen the father of this child. He hasn't made any advances to help me or see me. He's only stopped by to see me about 5 times, each time in the middle of the night and drunk. I ask him to leave each time and to come back when he wants to respect me and help me. We had been seeing each other on and off for about 4 years. Right before I got pregnant he expressed his interest in having children with me. I'm just wondering if it's possible he's just scared? Is there anyone whose children have never met there fathers? Is it possible that he will come around after the baby is born? Is anyone in the same situation? Since he hasn't shown any interest in helping me I'm assuming that he doesn't want to be part of my life or my childs life. He's gone as far as to move and change his number. So, from my perspective it doesn't look to promising, but I can't imagine a man not wanting a relationship with his own child. I sent him an email recently and told him that if he didn't help me out now that I have no other choice but to close the door for good. I did this because I felt it was the right thing to do for me to prepare for my future. I needed some kind of closure. He never responded back to the letter, so I'm taking that as a "no" he doesn't want anything to do with me. Help? Advice? Anyone else in the same situation?
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Yes, it's possible that he's just scared and will come around after the baby's born. Quite a few guys do that. It's also possible that he's a big jerk that won't be around. Either way is okay. The father of my 4-month-old daughter emails me every two weeks saying he wants to schedule a time to see her, but never follows up and never actually comes to see her. At first this used to bug me because I really wanted him to be there for her, but the more he stayed away the more I realized she's fine without him. My daughter is such a happy baby with a great little personality... she doesn't need a jerk like him screwing her up anyway. Now if he chooses to see her.. I WON'T stop him. He can see her whenever he wants.. but I'm not stressing about it anymore. She's got me, and that's all that matters. Now with your situation, you CAN close the door on your relationship for good.. which I think is a smart move, but you CAN'T close the door on his relationship with his child. If, 3 years from now, he chooses to come back and be a part of your childs life.. he will be able to do that. Either by your permission or a court order. But by the sounds of things, don't be expecting that to happen. Just think "good riddence" to these A-hole guys!
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I argee with Aisha. I am 8 months pregnant and my sons father has caused me nothing but stress. He has cheated on me during my pregnancy and done nothing for me or my son. He would say he wanted to be a part of his sons life but really when it came down to it, all he cared about was himself, as I caught him with girl upon girl, and lie upone lie. i finally told him i either wanted him there 100% or nothing at all. I was tired of trying to be friends and watching him be with other girls while i sat at home, pregnant with no one to even talk to. He decided he wanted nothing at all, and shacked back up with this one girl and has nothing to do with us. Honestly, we are better off that way. THere will be someonw out there that will step up and treat you and your child with respect and love you both, dont settle for someone that just donated the sperm to make the baby! It takes alot more to be a father then to lay down and have s_x. I learned the hard way but letting him in so many times, now he is out for good and I feel my son will be much better off. That baby deserves the best you can give.!!
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i see where you all are coming from, but, i have a slightly different opinion!!! Its all fine and good if you want to let the father in her life. But i just think that after a certain point, he has no right. You're right, he might just me scared, and he might come around after the pregnancy, but he might not. No one can say for sure. If i was in the situation, i would probably keep the door open for a while after the baby is born, and if he still hasnt come around, he isnt going to come around. You dont want to put yourself through it, and most of all, think about the baby. If he does come around, will he stay? Is she going to get attached to him as soon as he decides to leave? I say give him the chance for a while, but if he doesnt show any interest, forget about him. One day your child will want to know why here "real dad" isnt around, and it wont be your fault.
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Tiffany... what I was saying is that LEGALLY he DOES have a right... and should he choose to take her to court.. he WILL get visitation. There's no doubt about it.
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Im not saying that you are wrong or anything of the sort, April. I know what your saying, and i know that he does legally have rights. But its alot easier for a woman to make a man do things through the court system than it is for a man to do it to a woman. Again, i know he has rights, but its not fair for Mina to sit around and worry about this.
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Mina, it is possible that the baby's father is scared, but please dont get your hopes up. Stay strong for you and your son and make him prove to you that he is ready to take on this responsibility. Good Luck! You can do it!!!
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