Help With A Tough Situation
17 Replies
 | KBC - August 11 |
|
|
|
|
|
I’m 27 years old and I’ve been in an off/on relationship with my boyfriend for over three years now. Getting into this relationship I knew that I was dealing with a very selfish guy and I put my blinders on because I have such a good time with him (he is/was my best friend) and I really do love him so much. I had an IUD put in and it just didn’t work with my body. I called to have the IUD taken out but they failed to tell me when I made that appointment that I needed to use a backup method of birth control for 7 days before the IUD came out. We had s_x 2 days before the IUD came out and I just found out that I’m pregnant.
I took the test at his house and he gave me the result. He immediately told me that “we” had no choice and that I needed to have an abortion. He is SO determined that I terminate this pregnancy that he’s making me feel like I can’t have this baby even on my own. I’ve told him that he doesn’t have to have anything to do with me or the child if I choose to have it, but he says that he wouldn’t be able to just walk away. He’s told me that if I have this child he will hate me. He said if I terminate than we can work things out but if I have it he’ll leave me. I did terminate one pregnancy when I was very young and I know that at that point in my life it was the best decision for me to make. But I did tell myself that I couldn’t do it again.
I know I have support from my friends and family and the baby would not lack love, I’m just so scared to not only do this on my own but have him hate me and resent the baby. I just need some advice.
If you’re completely pro-life please don’t bother responding, I don’t want the guilt trip. I have enough of that on my own trying to decide what to do.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think if you want the child then have it...It's not up to him...I don't see how anyone could resent their own child but I know it happens..I think he would come around especially if he loves you and cares about you. And like you said, you've had an abortion before, you know how it is, and I'm pretty sure by the way you talk you really want this one. If your bf loves you he should understand what you went through when you were younger and support your decision. But honestly, I would keep the baby. I did it by myself for 3 years and I couldn't live without my son. Good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I truly believe that he is talking out of his a__s and not thinking clearly., just being a selfish , cruel man! If he loves you he would never ask you to terminate and put you in such a heart breaking position. I honeslty believe that the child made it through and is alive against the slim odds of it happening and it deserves a chance to live. You need to ask if he is more worth it or is the life you created is? P.s. what is there to work through after the baby has been terminated? What does he hope to accomplish, what will you guys do if you cant take it to the next level? You will resent him in the end and end up regretting having terminated....be strong and be fair to the child..youre old enough to be on your own...GL
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
P.s .. If he hates you for chosing what god has given you...LET HIM...if he resents the baby...thats HIS F-ing loss....Just shows you what kind of man he really is , if he decides to play it that way.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
KBC, That is such a tough position to be in. My experience is on again off again relationships rarely work out for the long term. I think no matter what your decision, he is not in this with you for the long haul. Make the decision that feels right for you in your heart. If you keep the baby, do so with the knowledge that you will have to somehow compensate for his father's resentment. Perhaps your boyfriend will come around and accept his role once it sinks in. You never know. It's a scary time for us, but it can be just as scary a time for the father. It sounds like you're in a good position to do this on your own. Even so, you and your child will be forever tied to this man. You sound like a strong and intellegent person to me, which is an excellent step to being a good Mom. I am not completely anti-abortion, but only do it if it is what you feel is the best choice in your situation. Don't do it for someone that is bullying you into it. Stay strong and good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
KBC... i have a friend who got an abortion because of her husband... they were newly married and just started out ans she got preggo... well her family n his family n him told her that she wasnt ready and neither were they... but she didnts want to.. but her hubby told her he would hate her forever if she didnt ... n she did n till this day whenever we hang out shes just not the same.. so much regret.....
|
| KBC - August 14 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I just want to say thank you to all of you for taking the time to give advise on my situation. The father is still really pushing for me to terminate but I just dont' know if I can do it. I can honestly say I've never felt so alone in my life. I'm just so scared. Again thanks for all of your input.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
KBC- you should never let a man manipulate you into getting an abortion. you should do what you feel is right. also if you terminate because you are pressured into it then your relationship will probably fail, because you will always hate him for making you do it. if you have support from family and firends and you want to keep the baby i would say do what your gut tells you to do. i really dont think that you want to termiate by the way that your post was wrote. at first it will be scary doing it on your own but once you hold your child in your arms you will forget about being scared and do what you have to do for you and your child.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
KBC,
I know exactly what you are going through. I went through it myself. I was just as scared! This was 5 years ago, and now I would not trade one day I have had with my son! No, the father isn't around anymore, but it is his own loss! I felt I made the right choice for ME! I am now in a better place emotionally and phsycially for me and my son! We have such a great time and have now met the man of my dreams who wants to be a part of our life...
You make the decision yourself. Do not let anyone else dictate what you do, no matter what that is! You will be a happier person for making the choice yourself.
|
| KBC - August 14 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
klweezy - does the father see his child at all? Does he help you out financially? Were you alone throughout your entire pregnancy?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
if he wants you to have an abortion and he will " hate you " if you dont , then why would you want him afterwards anyway? how can you turn love on and off like a light switch ??
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
KBC.. to answer your questions... he was there for the pregnancy but we were not "together"... that was my choice at the time. He is 'there' now when it is convienent for HIM. No, he does not help financially, which does not make it simple, but it is possible. There are a lot of programs and people willing to help as needed.
But, like I said before.. make the choice on what YOU want.. You are the only one who will have to live with that decision whatever that may be... please feel free to email me anytime with ANY questions or just need some support (I have lived through both choices..)
klweezy789@hotmail.com
|
| KBC - August 15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
ash2- I don't want to be with the father, that wasn't my point. Believe me after finding out the type of man that he is the last thing I want is to try to have a loving relationship with him. But the fact that he is being SO horrid about this situation it's making it REALLY difficult to imagine having to deal with him forever. You have no idea the guilt that he's putting on my to terminate this pregnancy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
my opinion, ( you can take it how you want it ) abortion = murder ! and nothing anyone can say will change my mind. the HUMAN BEING that you have inside of you has a beating heart, and is actually developing every minute. you say that you dont want to have to deal with him the rest of your life ?? you dont, dont ever talk to him again and raise the baby by yourself. i think you are being selfish by comparing your child to the inconvience of a man. if you dont want the baby , then give it up for adoption.but 27 years old is a little old for giving up a baby, i would expect a response like this more from a teenager. just my opinion.....
|
| KBC - August 16 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
ash2- Like I said in my earlier post. Your opinion is unwanted and unappricated. Not sure what you didn't understand about completely prolife need not share their input.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm so sorry KBC. I just yesterday found out I'm pregnant also. My husband and I are on the verge of over. We have an almost 8 month old, beautiful son together. He's already trying to convince me to abort, but I CANNOT do it. I could never live with myself if I killed my child. I look at my son and think ....what if I'd killed him. It's too painful. I do not want another child right now, but I can't do it. Don't do something you will grieve over for the rest of your life. He's manipulating you by saying he will hate you if you don't do it. He's being selfish and not caring about how you will have to live with this pain forever. Don't get me wrong, I think it's everyone's own personal choice, but for me it's not a choice. I wish you the best in figuring out what's best for YOU and your baby. Take care. I feel your pain. I'm so hurt that my own husband would suggest this to me. I cannot tell you how bad it hurts, but you feel the same I'm sure. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Take care of you!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
kbc, i never heard you or seen you write that you didnt want my opinion . this is a forum ( in case you havent noticed that is open freely to anyone) . you wanted advice, and if you actually thought that you were going to get all of the responses that you wanted , then you came to the wrong place. everyone is going to have different opinions, and just because it is the one you didnt want, doesnt mean you have to get mad about it. any time you bring up abortion, you bring up a battle ground for all of the " pro-life". people that care about things like babies. thats expected. like i said my advice is that you should either keep the baby, or give it up for adoption. you will regret any decision regarding terminating your pregnancy . just think, this could be the best thing that ever has happened to you. this could be your true gift from god.
|
