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actually i wouldn't call her his ex.. *lol*

123abc: yeah but that would be like getting p__sed at someone who was in a car wreck because people have done that purposefully for insurance fraud. it just doesn't make any sense. not all women intend to "trap" a man when they accidentally get pregnant and to hate all women in this situation is simply prejudice.

oh teddy: <- please dont start typing like this it reminds me of u know who

that you-know-who wouldn't happen to be WileE would it? lol

123abc i understand what you are saying as everyone knows there are indeed women out there who will 'trap' men by getting pregnant. however i do honestly believe this is a minority and i do not believe this poster is one of them. it comes down to the age old argument of who should be responsible for birth control. at the end of the day i think words like 'she trapped him' 'he didnt even want a kid' etc have flaws. he was not forced to have intercourse with the woman and to use no protection. i find it hard to believe that some men can be so stupid as to totally disregard a woman who might say 'it doesnt matter, don't use a condom' and he would just not think twice about it. surely most men cannot be that stupid (although it begs the question). so therefore if they willingly have s_x with a woman without bothering to use protection, then surely they are both liable for any 'accidents' that may happen?!! some of these guys who sleep around and honestly don't care to use protection, well to be honest it serves them right if one of their 'conquests' ends up 'trapping' him.

ok, this is an update, if any of you are still following.. I truly believe that this woman just wanted to get pregnant, otherwise I have no way of explaining her behaviour. as you already know she's refusing every contact and the last court date was mar 4th. the judge could see right through her. she refused to give her address.. the judge wanted my husband to meet his daughter on easter.. she said that she can't due to a family member pa__sing away.. then the judge says may long weekend. But before that date, my husband is to send letters introducing himself. one letter every week.. keep in mind that we have an address for her that she lived at 3 years ago but it was a family address, so he could use that.. after a month of sending letters, he can send emails. So she provided him w/ an email address, and a phone number as well as a family address.. He sent the first letter, sort of a family album, introducing himself and as well a short letter saying how he cannot wait to meet her and that she has a little brother.. well, 3 weeks after that letter was sent and accepted by her (we send everything tracked), she emails back.. in this email she states that she will not be giving this package to her daughter.. but he still kept sending.. he's sent 3 letters so far. also, in that email, she said she will not be forwarding a photo as she doesn't think the letter is appropriate.. (whatever).. then she said the address that he had will no longer be available by middle april and he's to puchase a po box (right, where we can't track anything) and that box would be for her to use.. SO ok, he's to send letters to a po box and she's not even giving those letters to his daughter.. Then she sends some banking information saying for him to deposit money as his daughter is in gymnastics and some dance lessons.. RIGHT, so the child support for $300/month is going where?? He's never missed a single payment in the last 2 years and yet he can't even get a photo.. So now it's evident that he's not going to have that first meeting before the court date and it looks like he's gonna have to ask the judge to force a meeting. I seriously cannot figure out this woman.. if she wanted a sperm donor, why even tell him? just go about your business.. I can't figure it out.. does she want the child support, but doesn't want him to ever meet his daughter.. it's so stupid. anybody else have an opinion about this.. it's driving me nuts that she can be this cruel. who wants their kid to grow up not knowing their father?? (i'm not talking about abusive fathers or ones that hide from responsibility) but my husband has done nothing like that. anyways, june will come soon enough and maybe one day we'll get to meet his daughter. Just hope and pray that she's not a teenager by then.. (she'll be turning 4 next month).. also, i know this is kind of crazy thinking, but would any of you even consider hiring a private investigator to get a photo of his daughter. we have a feeling that after this final court date (this is when the actual dates will be set for visits) that she will just disappear.. what do u do then? thanks for all your responses.

123abc: long time no read. hold on and let me update myself on the post. i've forgotten what's been going on with you. k, i'm good. lol i'm laughing right now. not at you, though. you guys found too nice of a judge. she obviously wants money and that's all. make sure you keep track of all of the letters she's sent and i hope you guys made copies of the letters you sent to her to show the judge. also, is she so dumb that she doesn't know if your husband pays for the po box, he's got to have a physical address to link to the box? that's kind of a mandatory thing. my dad works for the post office so i have all this "inside" info lol. anyway, as for hiring a PI, i'm not so sure about that. it would be kind of creepy to have this guy following around a little girl, but i think if it were my hubby, he'd probably do that. what you should really do before the court date, in my opinion, is gather up the letters your husband has sent, her responses and your concern that the mother will, technically, kidnap the child. because your husband never signed sole custody papers, i don't believe she's allowed to disappear with her. i'm not sure, though. i say you just go whip her a__s. that would make both you guys feel better ^^ oh btw. an update on me, we found out we were preggy so i'm due november 28th. not sure you'll care, but i thought i'd tell you anyway. i'm more mellow now than ever before lol.

Teddyfinch - congrats on the pregnancy. i sure miss those days!!! :) yeah it's been a while since i posted, too much stuff going on... I've totally decided this woman is a wack job. she just sent another email. Of course, we're keeping track of everything that's sent to her as well as what we received so far. since the 3rd court date is not for another 2 months, we're going to go ahead and have her served by a sherif again to have the judge do an interim order for a visitation. We're also going to request for her not to be present (for instance, to have a social worker present instead of her)... obviously she's trying her best not to let him see his daughter.. she just sent this email tonight, and i cannot sleep.. this is not my daughter and i feel this way... i can only imagine what my husband must be going through... the problem is he did sign the papers back in 2005 giving her sole custody, so she can chose to do whatever. what she doesn't know is that he's tracking her emails (for instance when someone emails you, u can get the ip address and track where it came from).. so she says that she's out of town on weekends, so the meeting can't be then. we were able to get the address (well, city location) where she's emailing from.. let's just say, instead of her living 5 hours away, where she's sending emails from is only 1.5 hours away from us. I just pray that there will come a day that he meets his daughter.. she also said in her last email that his daughter has no clue that he exists, but in the one from today she says that she had tried talking to her and she doesn't want to discuss it.. what child doesn't want to know about her father??? she must've told her something like he died or something crazy and now is having a hard time explaining it to her.. that's the only way I can think of it.. as for the pi, we're debating it. i think he wants to wait till after the court date, depending on what she does with the visitation.. as for the judge - she's so shallow, anybody will be able to see through her.. I mean, how many guys do you know that are chasing the courts and trying to locate their kids?? not too many.. and also how many guys do you know that pay child support w/out ever meeting their kids?? even smaller number.. po box idea is just dumb too.. anyways, i feel better now that i've let some of this out.. thanks for letting me vent.. :( oh and i think this woman is having issues with me.. she doesn't like the fact that i'm so involved.. maybe she's just jealous that he didn't want her and is now with me.. but mind you, this was 4.5 years ago... she keeps saying that content of his letters is not satisfactory because he told his daughter she has a brother.. like he sent a family album (sort of like a family tree) as an introduction.. we even took pictures of it to show it to the judge.. she's saying that she doesn't want him to introduce his extended family.. wtf??? she's just nuts.. also, in the last court date, she said that his daughter 'didn't like' any of the guys she's dated.. what the h*ll!!? so she's got many men around this poor little girl.. no wonder she's confused.. ugh.. ok, i'm going to attempt to sleep 2nite.. it's 12:30 am already and I have to work tomorrow.. :(

omg you need to show the judge all of this. it's getting to a point where the living conditions that this "mother" is providing for your husband's daughter is becoming unfit for a child. she's just digging and digging and at some point, she should fall into her own hole. keep us posted, though.

hey teddyfinch! i have an update for u! hows ur pregnancy coming along??? i sure miss those days! anyways, here goes: Ok, just when I thought things couldn't get any more bizzare, they do... So the witch shows up... she told the judge that she didn't want me in there and because it was a case conference (judge, my husband, her and her lawyer), i wasn't allowed.. I was steaming mad.. my hubby tried talking to the judge, and he said not this time, but next time he'll allow it. So anyways, i waited outside for about 20 minutes... when he came out he was p__sed.. SO remember from my prev post, he had to send letters, an album introducing himself as well as one email per week to his daughter. so as of 3 weeks ago, when he got the last email, mother was saying that she WILL NOT be giving these to her as they contain material not suitable for his daughter (meaning, pics of me and our child)... my husband put together an album of his family, which was us and then his brothers and sisters.. So today, she told the judge that she had shown the pics to her daughter and that she is now referring to my husband as that BROWN STRANGER... (mother is white, my hubby is african) she's been telling that to her grandparents.. and she thought that was funny and said she wished she could've recorded it.. How f**ked up is that??? the judge just looked at her in disbelief and said that it wasn't funny.. and obviously if a 4 year old girl is referring to her dad as that, she has issues.. So now the judge has ordered for his daughter to go see a psychologist.. this woman is seriously f**cked up... she's causing her daughter to have to go and seek professional help just because of her selfishness.. Who knows what she had told her?!? Now this poor girl is confused.. not only that, she's moving again. Remember i posted before saying that her emails are coming out of a different city rather where she lives. Well, we saw her truck today and it was packed with stuff and she even said in the court that she's moving.. She just refused to say where.. a few other things.. now they have a telephone conference on july 18th to decide where his daughter is going to go for psychology help. apparently the mother wanted my husband to pay for it.. what a bunch of BS.. she says she can't afford it.. We have extended health , yet she's refusing to provide him with his daugher's social insurance # so that he can add her to his coverage.. and that would cover psychological help... most of it anyways.. i can't imagine a 4 year old going to a specialist for this kind of stuff... this woman is totally messing up with her mind. now this judge got p__sed off and he said he's never heard anything like this in his 30+ years of being a judge.. He said that he will personally take this case and deal with this. and he wants my husband to meet his daughter as soon as possible.. The lawyer gave us some phone numbers to call to arrange a meeting with his daughter but it will have to be after the meeting w/ psychologist. But the judge says that our son and myself WILL BE present at the first visit. The mother is trying to avoid this at all costs...So let's see what she comes up with next... she's going to start inventing illnesses, so that my husband can't see her.. can't you girls see how messed up this woman is.. ?? oh and my hubby asked her if she got the phone messages he left? she's like Ummm, no... he left a message for his daughter wishing her a happy bday, and she said she didnt get it.. what a liar?? i couldn't even look at her face, i wanted to smack her so bad. Next step, if she refuses all of this, will be to take her to a trial. at this point HE will get his specified visits, but it won't be introducing him to his daughter gently.. he will get his dates and times when he is to see her and that'll be that.. now i'm thinking we should've done this long time ago.. UGh.. I cant believe how dumb this woman is.. this is so frustrating.. and the court process is so slow, but at least it's only 3 weeks from now that the next teleconference is.. the other thing, every time we go to court, it costs us $600 per trip, so it's not like it's cheap. all that for 20 minutes in court and you don't even get to say what you came to say. but hopefully he will see her soon!

oooh this thread was soo warm and entartaining...........what happened? hey teddy did pregnancy turn u that mellow? just found this forum and i felt i could make my home here! so 123abc want to tell me how it all ended? am also pregnant and single but thts bse the dad is away, however i did luv the spittle & fire in here. As for ajh, i believe tht as a little boy he was always told tht he was not good enough and that no woman could possibly ever love him for himself, so wat did he do? he decided to haul all his energy in wealth and blanket himself with the false sense of security that money brings. However he has found 6 figures don't necessarily provide all the answers, all the women he actually dates are only interested in him 4 his money now! He wishes he could trap a wife the old way, by gettin her pregnant, unfortunately however he had tht vasectomy!!! so there is absolutely no hope for him! Think about it , what in the world would push a man as young as 25, with his whole life ahead of him, without even a single child to the extreme of vasectomy???? fear? insecurity? i know am gettin a little carried away here but i just cld not resist! ooooh teddy u really got me cracking a rib! as for the other ladies, hang in there and be strong, there is always a silver lining somewhere if only we believe.

i'm 21 and going thru the same thing. today and saturday and i found out yesterday that i was pregnant. by a man who filed my heard with lies just ot get in my pants. and one night we got really drunk and he didnt pull out. NOW SURPRISE THIS... and he wants me to have an abortion because it's going to "ruin his life"

misskrys i'm sori about wat you are going thru but i also pray and hope that u are not going to have an abortion. That baby can not ruin anyone's life, unless it was already c___p. Am expecting too and even if they may not be the most ideal conditions, one thing i do not doubt for a minute is that this baby will be a gerat source of joy and happiness for me! Just remember that u are not really alone even when it feels that way. God luvs u and that little life growin within you.

i wouldn't say it mellowed me, but taught me that stress hurts lol. i stress, i cramp. and that people on the internet aren't really worth fighting with.

Teddyfinch - how's it going? i got more updates, kinda.. *lol* my husband still hasn't met his daughter and we're going through a 3rd party to arrange a supervised visit. he has been working on this since july 18th.. now the mother has come back with a date of oct 5 and we're waiting to see if it will actually happen. either way he's taking her to trial, that is if he can serve her... it's bs, and she might as well be getting away with murder as she is getting away with him not being able to see his daughter.. BUT, we talked to legal aid, if she continues this and blatantly refuses access, she can lose custody... and also, get this.. she filed some kind of application regarding child support (that he's been paying for 2.5 years now w/out ever meeting/seeing his daughter).. she wants more money.. *LOL* this woman is dumb if she thinks she can get more money out of him w/out letting him see his daughter. he's paying based on his income, so she is not getting another cent out of him... ugh she p__ses me off.. anyways, pray for him that he finally gets to meet his daughter oct 5.

Hello, The same thing happened to my friend, but lucky for her, the guy she worked with was based out of another office. Unfortunately once she told him, he wanted nothing to do with it and denied the baby up until the DNA test. He has never seen his son now 2, he only pays child support. However; my friends life couldn't be better. Her son is everything to her and she couldn't imagine life with out Andrew... she met a guy about 8 months ago and just got engaged a few weeks ago. Even though the father is a douche bag, I think she needed that baby to guide her down the right path. Good luck! I'm almost 4 months along with my BF's baby, we also work together, he said he loved me, we talked about marriage and kids all the time....most of these conversation were started by him mind you.....he told me he was ready to settle down and he thought I was the one, he asked me out for 4 months before I said yes...it was all hearts and sparkles until I got pregnant. It took 24 hours for him to figure out that he wasn't sure of his feelings for me, questioned whether or not the baby was his, and stopped calling and hanging out with me during the week; weekends were a given like he was forced to hang out with me. Anyway, we were supposed to move in together on November 1st, so I gave up my apartment, he told me last night he's not sure about moving in because he doesn't want a "marriage type of situation." He didn't give up his apartment so he still has a place to live come Nov 1st, the nerve right. Needless to say, I've ended things, I can't believe I'm going to do this alone, but I know its the right thing to do. Not to mention what people at work are going to think when they find out I'm pregnant and we're no longer together. We're both engineers in our 30's and I feel like he's turning 13. So you just never know how they're going to take it. My guy was AMAZING until he found out. And now I'm going through a very difficult time and I'm afraid I'm going to give birth to Wednesday from the Adams Family because of how depressed I've been, I'm afraid my mood is going to travel to the baby. Anyway, good luck.... You should know what decision to make by the feeling deep inside. Also, I've known people like you who end up marrying the guy or vice versa... He may be very happy to hear the news.