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My boyfriend cheated on me with our childrens babysitter. She was married and had 2 children. It has been 3 yrs since she had the baby. We have not talked to her or her family since the news broke out about the affair. I have found out from a friend that the baby was not her husbands. Now they are going through a divorce and I have not told my (now) husband what I found out. I don't blame you for having the baby, it's yours. Just be very careful you are not having it to get him for yourself. It won't work. The affair my husband had made our relationship stronger. I know it sound weird but the only one who got hurt was the other woman. She lost my husband and her husband and in the process of losing all her children to her husband who wants to adopt the other child.

Coming from the "wife" perspective... and someone who has gone through this... I know there is no easy answer. My husband had an affair with my best friend and both of us were pregnant at the same time. I found out when my son was 9 months old, that my "friend's" baby was my husbands. To say it was devastating would be an understatement. I could personally never carry a baby of someone who obviously still wants to be with his wife. I will never understand why she didn't get an abortion... other than the fact that I'm sure with me being pregnant, she knew that there was no chance for her to continue their relationship if she didn't have the child. I care about my step-son, but it is the most difficult thing in the world to look at that child and know how he came to be. I know I could have left... but that wasn't what either of us wanted and now we have to deal with the consequences of his actions. It ISN'T my stepson's fault... and I know that... but thinking that the family won't be affected by your decision to keep this baby is naive.

I hate this site. The women on here are very rude. When I was pregnant with my son, the site I went to then for support was wonderful. The women supported you no matter what and that's what you really need when you're pregnant. Katy, I believe that you should listen to your heart and not him. Even if things don't work out between the two of you, you will ultimately have a child that loves you, mistakes and all. Being a mother, while trying as a single sometimes, is a beautiful thing. I laugh out loud at least once a day because of my son's beautifully wicked ways. We have a great time and more to come. I treasure all of it. And you should have that chance too. Keep in touch with me at oasisnjuly@yahoo.com to let me know what you decided to do or if you need to talk. Good luck with your decision and that's exactly what it is, yours...not anyone else's, not even the father's.

And Jesus said, "He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone." No one on this site has the right to judge you, Katy. Turn to God and He will see you through this. Ask forgiveness for your sins and walk with the Lord. He will not turn His back on you no matter what you have done. We all have done things in the past that we wish we could change. But the only change that we can make is in our lives and in our hearts. You don't have to worry about pleasing people on this site or no one else, the only one you should worry about pleasing now is God. Trust in Him in all things and pray about it. He will lead you to make the right decision. Just remember this: If God brings you to it He will see you through it. I will be praying for you. You dont need a website full of people such as this to help you to make a life decision, all you need is God. No matter what you've done, He loves you and wants to forgive you. He is waiting on you to turn to Him now. Please do.

Keep the baby if you want to.....Do Not let him pressure you into making a decision you will regret fotr the rest of your life and get rid of that looser...you and your child deserve better

Well ladies, would you like to hear it from the wife's view? I just found out 2 days ago that my husband was having an affair (he saw her 3 times in 6 months .. uh yeah, according to him) I found out when she called him on his cell phone as we were preparing to go on a trip. They body language and shaking of his hand as he's talking on the phone led me to be this was no ordinary business call. She told him that although it will be his choice to be involved in the child's life or not, she felt he should know that she was pregnant. Story is her cat died on the same day she got her test result and geez, she felt it was an omen to have this child. She is 44 years old, and I'm filing for divorce. My husband? We'll he did the typical begging and crying and telling me, "can't we work this out? I'm so in love with you." Then I kicked him out. I have some healing to do.

According to her she was on the pill, but was taking antibiotics which I guess reduces it's efficacy. So be careful ladies. He was unprotected. Shame on him because he did not know this woman before and could have brought something home to me, and he trusted she was telling the truth. I think he just didn't want to ha__sle with condoms. Ignorant. We were Barbie and Ken, people would say a match made in heaven. 2 children almost 18, plans to travel he and I. We frequently had "dates" with each other. Great friends, he was the loving and doting husband and I the wife who always remembered she was a woman. Not to brag but I am attractive, which of course mean nothing. Both of us 48 years old. Relatively secure in many ways. We would be the last couple anyone would have suspected to have this sort of problem. According to her she wants no financial support. Sure! I'll believe that one. Of course there is still the possiblity she is lying. Who knows. But a family has been destroyed. Such a shame. Oh yes, her excuse to keep the baby is because she's 44 and this is probably her last chance to have one. She says she's slept with no one else than my husband. Then why the need to be on the pill? She has little money, no car and probably no insurance. Hmm, not the greatest conditions to bring up a child when you can't even support yourself.

Jill, you don't have to use such foul language to get your point across.

Foul language or not, you got my point. Did't you? matter of fact the more I read the original question I realize how crazy it sounds.

I went through the same situation. He begged me to have an abortion - but I knew that it wasn't right. SO I kept it. The person that I was with was an evil, manipulating, selfish person. I think once you let yourself get out of this relationship and let you and your new baby get on with your life - YOU WILL HAVE A MUCH BETTER LIFE. I really believed the man I was with really loved me, but it was a lie. He loved to have s_x with me. The best thing Idid for mysel and him was to tell his wife. She may hate you, but you'll get child support, and this man can pay for his mistake. It isn't going to be easy, but the best thing you can do for YOU and the best thing you can do for HIM is to get out of this ASAP. And DO NOT have an abortion - consider keeping it, or giving it up for adoption.

Answer:

Katie - He who judges will often be judged. Only you and you alone know your full circ_mstances. You have a higher judge than any human on earth. We all have sinned and made poor choices in life and sometimes have even gone against our own morals & values. I think the key issue is to forgive yourself and to ask for forgiveness. Use this pregnancy to discover the true value of that relationship, this may have been the sign you needed to get you out. It is not up to you to protect him, you now have a child to protect. He should not come first - Are you first in his life? He needs to take responsibility in his role in fathering a child. He can provide for your child and manage his marrige how he sees fit. I do not think you should take the responsibility of telling his wife, that is his responsibility. You can not change your past actions, but you can change what you learn from this and how you make future choices. You can either control the situation or allow the situation to control you. You did not get pregnant alone and you did not engage in this affair alone, both parties were very irresponsible and you are not any more responsible than he is. Understanding yourself and the how's & why's you allowed yourself to be in this type of relationship will help you engage in healthier relationships that belong solely to you. As you learn more about your self worth you will be a better person to yourself and your child. Please place your child first, he can provide for your child behind closed doors or in a court room, that is his choice. Your child should never have to go without regardless of the circ_mstances in which the child was conceived. Learn from your past choices, take reponsibiltiy for your role of deception, and do not allow yourself to be in healthy relationships. You need strength for you and your child.

I am in the same boat!! I got pregant from an affair that I had while my husband and I were on the rocks. The man I was pregnant for is the love of my life. I decided to tell my husband the truth and he told his wife the truth and well we are still friends, but, the wife and my husband have no idea that we still talk and the baby is now 7 weeks old.. we only talk to talk about the baby and that pretty much it.. my husband has taken full responsibility for the baby and he is the father.. I would love to talk more about this to you.. i wish that there was a way for us to talk and tell each others story.. oh and you will be a wonderful mom and dont you have an abortion.. Grant is the most wonderful thing in this world and you will see.. this will be a bitter sweet thing for you to experience..

keep the baby......it didnt ask to be here. secondly....dont have affairs this is what happens. god does not ugly

You're a total s___t. I love you!

You need to think about yourself and what is best for you and what would be best for the child. This is your decision not the father's although the father's att_tude towards you and the pregnancy may factor in to your decisions. Don't let you age sway your decision as having a baby just because you feel it may be your last chance is not always a good reason, it is commonplace for women to be having children up to 40 and even beyond these days. If you do choose to have the baby, all the best to you however you should beforehand accept the fact the baby's father most likely will not be in either of your lives.