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You need to think about yourself and what is best for you and what would be best for the child. This is your decision not the father's although the father's att_tude towards you and the pregnancy may factor in to your decisions. Don't let you age sway your decision as having a baby just because you feel it may be your last chance is not always a good reason, it is commonplace for women to be having children up to 40 and even beyond these days. If you do choose to have the baby, all the best to you however you should beforehand accept the fact the baby's father most likely will not be in either of your lives.

I think its horrible to wish someones baby dies, born, or unborn. Thats what I have to say to the person who said that. To the original poster, don't pity me. Im nothing like you. I pity YOU that you stayed in a relastionship where someone is putting you through "head games" thats no ones fault but your own. He wasn't holding a gun to your head and telling you to stay with him right? You knew he had a family right? What kind of woman does that to another one, thats so dissrespectful and disgusting. Be a woman, and let the poor wife know what her husband has been up to.

Katy---I feel for you because I know you are going through a difficult time. We can't pick and choose those we fall in love with and I'm sure this has been very painful for you. If you didn't love this man, you wouldn't have given up so much for this man already and invested several years in this relationship. You basically have functioned like a second wife in a polygamous marriage. To all--- I believe children are meant to come here. No child is better than another simply because of the situation he/she is born into. Katy-- Please have this child and love it with all your heart. The rewards will be great even if it is difficult in the beginning. My son's father was married with children. I had not known he was married when we met and I was too in love with him when I found out to stop being with him. I was very young at the time; he was 11 years older. I loved him very much and still do to this day. Before I had our son, we had been together for 4 years. During my pregnancy, he became involved with another woman and moved in with her. He visited me occasionally (about once every four weeks) and came to the hospital after I had given birth to our child. My family had deserted me while I was pregnant. Of course this hurt. Financially this was also difficult for me. Ultimately, I had to return to my family and work constantly to keep my child with me. This was ten years ago. I can tell you that my child is wonderful and happy. He was not a mistake and I'm not ashamed of having had him. This child has brought me so much joy and had I not had him, my life would not be what it is today. I picked myself up from a seemingly difficult situation, later finished a doctorate at an Ivy League school, and have enjoyed seeing my son have great academic success himself. (He has tested 2 1/2 grades above his current level.) His father has not seen him since he was 6 weeks old but I cannot change this, nor will I apologize to my child for bringing him into this world. I love him. I think others need to understand that love is a very powerful emotion and can't always be contained and ignored the way society would like it to be. If my child finds the cure for cancer in 20 years and saves countless lives, will those who told me I was wrong still feel this way? If my child becomes a great musician and brings others joy, will those who told me to abort him still feel that way when he is touching the lives of others? We are all human beings. Do we really have the right to judge? Who gave us the right to condemn and hate. Katy's child is here. Calling her names, venting anger and hatred will not help her well-being or the child's. How can those of you moralize and judge when the only purpose of your words is to harm a woman responsible for the most innocent of human lives--a newborn's. I hope the stones have been placed back down on the ground again where they belong. Katy---good luck to you and your baby. A child is never a mistake. Love her with all your heart.

well, i think that you should'nt get an abortion if you feel that it is not right. Although if you do, the man you might have been having an affair with might not act the same or will stop comming around, you need to confront him about what to do with your baby, and how the feeling would change. just talk to him about how you scared, and if you don't want a abortion then you can keep the baby on your own, just remember, that you are 35 and you have ok insurance

don't abort go look up pictures of aborted babies on internet. Best of luck. keep your precious little one.

i have had an affair with a married man and became pregnant myself. it's true that the way in which the baby came to be was not morally appropriate but all children are a blessing. he is just as responsible for this child as you are because it took 2 for it to happen. don;t comprimise the quality of life that the baby might have by trying to make it easier on him. Why should it be? He is at the very least financially obligated to help take care of that baby. Yes it will be hard for his wife and family to accept but maybe it would open her eyes so as to see that she doesn;t want to be with someone who would cheat on her in the first place.Bottomline...make him own up to his responsibility because it is just as much his as it is yours

I support your decision to have the baby and raise it alone. I am also in that situation, and it has been extremely difficult at best, in fact the baby's father will not even have any contact with me so I feel very alone. However, the bottom line is the child's welfare, not the behavior of his/her parents. Good luck and happy parenting!

please keep th child, please. And let him face the music: you can do it please do it. And keep yur options open to men now since marriage and children is not on your mind. You will be happy once this child is born, and your life will change.

KEEP IT

BTW, for all these judgmental, bitter women below - GET OVER YOURSELVES. We are human beings. Worry about your problems not others chosen life styles. So what that he has a family, HE HAS A MIND OF HIS OWN and could have kept his *ick in his pants for other than his wife. BUT he didn't. EQUALLY responsible. KEEP THE BABY - I'm 24, I have no kids, I have never been involved with a married man. But I have enough morals and I CHOOSE to place no judgment. I'd worry more about 13 year olds in other forums having s_x at 13 and wanting a baby because they feel their lives is unfulfilled. NOW *that's pathetic. And Katy, if I was the child and my mother told me the truth, it would make NO difference to me whatsoever. PREmarital s_x is a SIN, just as EQUALLY as having an affair. And I'll bet neither of you were virgins when you got married. HAVE you read over your commandments lately?? Yea, thought so! So have an OPEN MIND when it comes to life, because just like ocean, it can suck you in and spit you out before you know it.

Keep your baby. He doesn't need to be a part of the baby's life. Make sure you get legal docs signed by him releasing all parental rights and admitting that HE volunteerily signed so that if the baby finds out something later on he/she will know that Moma wanted him more than anything in the world. Just because they ddeposit the sperm doesn't make them fathers. Just sperm donors.

leave him and tell his wife !!! she has a right to know , if another woman came forward in my marriage i would be soooo thankful...think about it!

Women are complicated beings, that's why we love them. Doing what he expects from you, carefully including not telling his family, may mean having him come back. Even if he just gave you leftovers, even if you had to struggle to get just leftovers, and even if leftovers are all you will have to fight for in case he'll get back, you may be still ready to give him what he wants. That would be sad, but not odd. Just human. We all know how easy is to overvalue what we think we couldn't ever own and keep. And it may be you had his baby because you dearly wanted something of him you could keep. Whether this happened or not that's not the most important point. In my opinion, the prioritary thing is to figure out what made you want to go on with the relationship with him despite the trouble you had to come through (including finding out he was married.) Now, the insight you have to get of yourself requires a fundamental, required step: admitting that you didn't help his family in any way by having a relationship with him. Please, sit down and take a deep breath. You have reached the point in which you believe to the lies you tell yourself. This shows you're sorry for what you have done, but the best thing to do now is to understand the reasons behind the mistake, not to insist pretending even to yourself. You won't otherwise go anywhere but, sooner or later, in the same situation again. Face situations wihtout pretending to yourself, othewise situations will control you. Think about it. One of the posted messages suggested the idea that you may not be the only lover he has apart from his wife. I agree with that, so better watch out for any STD that he might gift you. AIDS is not the only deadly disease, and it's not the only infection you can't get rid of, once you got exposed to it. If I could choose, I'd surely prefer my wife to come home pregnant from an affair rather than catching one of those nasties. Let me think that pregnancy is the most beautiful thing that can happen to woman. The most important thing in life is life itself. If you ever asked yourself if you will be a good mother for your offspring, then most probably the reply is Yes, you will. :-) For those who wished your child to die: people like you put the name of God upon the money (the name of the same God that eventually threw the merchants out of the temple.) Don't be so eager to boast your academic credentials whenever you're told you're wrong, since that can't make you a better person, or save you from being an undesirable one. I quote from a previous message: "you live for labels." I realized some people in here don't know the meaning of the term "Prost_tute" (and therefore of all its foul mouthed variants.) Prost_tutes are men, or women, who have s_x to get monetary benefits (including job career advancements), so even having s_x with the most large amount of people (as a man could wish), married and not, for the purpose of s_xual fulfillment, doesn't make a person a prost_tute. My best wishes for you and your child. yoniage at yahoo dot com

Katy, If you need someone to talk to for support..... email me .... stylin@bellsouth.net

There are moments in life where you have to make decisions for which only you will be responsible. You have to be able to tell yourself : "I am going to have this child and I am willing to do it completely on my own." If that is the case and you feel that you can do this all by yourself then your decision is already made and nobody can tell you otherwise.

u should keep yo baby never get an abortion thats just killing a baby's life. he is the father of that child, i know u don't want his family to be mad at u but u should of used a condom. u knew u were probably going to get pregnant. he should be helping u take care of the child because he knew u were going to get pregnant too. that's why you ask a man if he wants a baby by u first so u know for sure so u don't get pregnant and have a baby without a father to help take care of it. never get a man that just wants s_x, get a man that will help take care of a baby too. next time, if he doesn't want a child be sure to use a condom.