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u should keep yo baby never get an abortion thats just killing a baby's life. he is the father of that child, i know u don't want his family to be mad at u but u should of used a condom. u knew u were probably going to get pregnant. he should be helping u take care of the child because he knew u were going to get pregnant too. that's why you ask a man if he wants a baby by u first so u know for sure so u don't get pregnant and have a baby without a father to help take care of it. never get a man that just wants s_x, get a man that will help take care of a baby too. next time, if he doesn't want a child be sure to use a condom.

I don't like abortions, but I also do not like the "other women" interfering. You should have more respect for his family and not have gotten involved with him. You said you believe you've helped his family, rather than hurt them, by "making him more a husband" but what you don't realize is that you're already silently hurting his family, his wife and his kids. Imagine how painful it would be to his wife and children, if they ever were to find out. Your theory of "helping him" holds no water with me. But, I must also say, the husband is even worse because he's allowing this to happen and not caring about his family. In all...I think you should keep the baby, it's not the baby's fault and he/she shouldn't have a fair chance at life, although it's up to you as to whether or not you want the husband to be apart of this childs life, but you must understand that this will probably break his family apart...Again, someone else is going to have to pay for the both of your wrong doings.

Katy I have been in the same situation as you minus getting pregnant (although I have worried) and I understand why you are with this man--you either love him or care about him too much to move on. A baby being added to your story does make it trickier but I say have the baby...Regardless of whether or not he wants the baby, IT IS your child and you should do what you want to do, he's been there for you for 8 years, why would he back out now, and not to mention when you have his baby. If he does you are old enough to take care of you and the child and move on. xoxo and good luck

Becoming pregnant after an 8 year affair seems to be a sign of frustration with the relationship. That being , your taking a stand with him, making him decide to remain with you (din your mind divorcing his wife) which he would not be doing especially since he was comfortable with an 8 year affair with you.The fact that you are asking for advice hiere tells me that you a very uncertain about your choice to become pregnant with out consulting with him...as married people ususally do. He flipped you say. That shows the true meaning of his feelings for you. Dump him. Have the baby and let the day of its birth be the beginning of the rest of your life. Give your all to the child and fill your lives with love. Security will involve child support from him. Speak to a lawyer and get his advice. Be prepared for that guy (selfishly) to possibly appear in your life when you have made new choices in how you want to live it with your child, and possibly a new love. Good luck. Don't feel bad. Life can be wonderful. You'll be glad you had a second chance to make it so.

wow, sounds kinda like fatal attraction, only they married guy only had one kid at the time and his misteress went psycho on his @ss... well whatever u do, just dont go psycho, but the choice is urs to make on what to do with the baby... good luck...

I hate to be rude Katy, but you should've had an abortion. I'm tired of all these women out here having babies to keep a man, or having a baby because they think it's the last time they will have one. Abortion is a hard thing to do but I've done it twice! And I have no regrets, one because one the men was a crack addict and had another baby from another woman, and two, the father just wasnt ready yet. To commit adultery with a married man, you both should serve the consequences. I'm tired of women having babies and destroying families just for their selfish reasons. Yes, the UNBORN child is not to blame, but YOU are to blame if you bring the child into the world. If I was married and my husband cheated and the women decided to have a baby, I would divorce him without a second thought. For one he decided to go up inside another women unprotected and then go up into me?? I DON'T THINK SO!! Women a word to the wise, if you're stupid enough to get pregant from a married man, try and use the last of your brain cells and Abort the child and have a baby with a man who's not married and who loves you and will stay!

So let me ask all of you this .... if the married man had an affair and the girlfriend got pregnant and he now wants to do the "right thing", does he owe it to his wife to try to make the marriage work and to provide full financial support to the child, or does he owe it to the child by leaving his wife and marrying the girlfriend?

And by the way, Katy, good luck with your decision. I would recommend keeping the baby. Every child is a gift. Some gifts are harder to accept than others. The fact that he flipped out is not at all surprising, because this forces the issue of honesty to the table. After 8 years, you undoubtedly have strong feelings for him and most likely, vice versa. But life goes on, and should. If you can't count on him to be "in", count him "out" -- and do insist on child support. Courts typically require the same level of child support for a situation like this as they would had you been married and divorced with a child.

I hope no woman ever "helps" my relationship with my husband like this (and that he would never go there regardless). I think you are deluding yourself about your place in his life and you need to be very careful about your expectations of him. If you want to have and raise your baby, expect to do it without him. If that is okay with you, I hope you have a wonderful life with your baby.

Kathy, Keep your attention on you and your baby....I am going through the same situation as you, however; my circ_mstances are a little different. I have only been with the father of my unborn child less than a year and am going through a divorce currently. I have never been in a situation like this, but it is a learning experience. I was reading someone's message to you, asking if it is right to stay with the wife or is it right to marry the mistress....my opinion only is if the married man that you have been seeing should want to make things right with his wife, then so be it....I know now that if he was to come to me and his child he would do the same with me as he did his wife and the pain has been to great to relive it again. I just believe that no matter what the man has a responsibilty to provide for his child that he has created regardless. I am going through sorting this out right now myself and it is very painful. Don't listen to these other people that judge you and critisize you for the relationship you have had with this man...IT TAKES TWO! I know for myself no matter what is going on in my life, I need to keep my attention focused on my family and pray for the rest to come naturally. I hope you and your baby are doing well and remember, God gives us these gifts for a reason.

Stephanie, good luck on your situation, too. You have the right perspective. It's difficult, undoubtedly, but draw support as much as possible from the people who do care about you. And you are right -- the man has a responsibility to any child, regardless of the relationship between the man and woman. Courts enforce those responsibilities when a man does not.

Why is everyone so concerned with what she did "wrong" instead of what she can do "right" for the baby? Katy trust me no matter what your baby will love you, it wont matter when it was concieved, what matters is that you raise it with love and respect. As of right now I am sleeping with a man who is in the midst of a divorce. To make matters any more complicated he is 35 and I am 21, granted I am a 21 year old with a great career and I own my home, I am not some college girl that works at a pizza parlor, but the point is I am weeks late on my period and refuse to take a test until the divorce is final, I only have a few more weeks to wait out, but the point is for me I have 2 options, keep it or adoption. I don't love him, I never will, we are good friends but that is all. So the question is Keep it, raise it with love and either him being a supportive dad or him giving me child support or Adoption, which is selfish in the way that I am completley able to raise this child but it would complecate working on my masters, dating, and my social life but also a bit selfless in that the baby would be going to someone who wants a baby to raise with love, but here is the dilema with adoption... there is a 50% divorce rate in this country, and no family is perfect, everyone has dirty secrets so whose to say that family could raise my baby in any better of an enviornment? But I guess time will tell, he will have a say in what happens, but I will tell you one thing no matter how much money he offered me, if he threatened me or begged me I would NEVER have an abortion and hate myself for the rest of my life, that's unfair to the baby & to me!

Midwest Man, Thank you for your support. It is undoubtably a difficult situation for everyone involved. It is a process, not an event and sometimes we forget that in the midst of what is really going on. It is a stuggle each and every day. I just pray for everyone in this situation that they find their inner strength because that is the only way we will all get through this. So many times, I feel like giving up. I don't have all the support many people do have, and I get very lonely. Maybe that is why I had the affair in the first place? Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers!

You should tell that low life that abortion is not an option. The man needs to live up to his responsibilities. You should dump the guy and put the child up for adoption if you do not want it. Any man that would want to kill his own child to hide his dirty little secret is a sick coward. If you get an abortion you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Stephanie, since you don't have an extensive personal network maybe I should be your pen pal and supporter? Count me in! It is so easy to feel lonely in this process. Every day gets taken with so many confused feelings sometimes, and it's tough to focus on all of the moving parts. Right now there are thousands & thousands of people going through something like this, but it's never known because we tend to keep this kind of thing to ourselves. I've been told that one of the most diffcult things is to "make a decision and then to stick to it." Sometimes just making a decision is the hardest part. Should I stay with the person? Should I give them time? Should I leave? Should I keep the baby? Should I should I should I...... Once a decision is made, then it's easier to begin to plan activities to support that decision. You might feel alone while creating this plan, but the little life inside of you is counting on you, too. Stephanie, keep the faith. I can tell that your heart is in the right place.

I had an affair as well. I'm only 20 and pregnant now. I am on the pill, protection doesn't always work. I live at home, cuz I'm going to college. My parents are going to kick me out when they find out. I haven't told him yet. Both him and his wife have cheated in the past and they're only together for their two kids. I'm very afraid to tell him. However, no matter his reaction I won't get an abortion. I'm raising my baby with or without him. I recommend the same for you. Don't let him pressure you into an abortion. You'll have to live with that for the rest of your life. I know the guilt you feel for having an affair. I know because I feel it too. Why add the guilt of an abortion to it. Two mistakes don't make a right one.