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I think as long as he is not a danger to the baby he certainly should be allowed to be in the baby's life. I understand your concern of the baby becoming attached to him if he loses interest and decides to abandon the baby but you will not know if he will do that until you try. I don't know if this helps much.

i'm not really sure if he would be a danger. i know he wouldn't intentionally do anything to hurt my baby but he likes to party. a lot of drinking. but i was doing the same before i knew i was pregnant. the only difference is i'm taking responsibility for this and he's not.

Then just make sure when he visits it is supervised until you are sure. Most partiers are not bad people, he just sounds immature.

thanks. that helps a lot!!

Be positive and encouraging. Remember the good/wonderful things about him that attracted you to sleep with him in the first place. He sounds quite a bit older than you are (having a son who is 18). Maybe he will be a better this time around. As far as partying...? You did it to but now as you are carrying child things HAD to change for you...maybe he will slowly come around in that sense. The best for your child is that he/she has a relationship with its father. And you can try to foster that. Do you know his parents? Do they know about the pregnancy?

he is only 10 years older than me. his son was born when he was 18. i don't know his parents. i met his sister a few times. i don't know if he's told his family. he only calls very seldomly. i don't feel like it's my job to keep him informed about whats going on. i have an ultrasound tomorrow which will hopefully tell me the s_x of the baby. i will probably we try to call him. sometimes his phone's on sometimes not. i don't even have his address. i got pregnant very shortly after we met and broke up with him before i knew i was pregnant. i guess i'll leave it up to him. i don't want to force him to be there if he doesn't want to be. my child deserves better than that.

i'm in the same situation, me and my "baby daddy" arent together and he found out i was pregnant and now hes moved outta state looking for jobs and grad school. he stands me up to go out partying. its like nothing in his life has changed. he says he will be here IF the baby is his, i know its his, it can only be his. i feel like hes not gonna be here. at night i want him here with me, comforting me, my first sonogram is monday and he wont be here. i see it as, if he cant be here during the pregnancy and what we have to go thru, then why let him be here when the baby is born? that just shows he's gonna be IN and OUT of our lives. instability. BUT, he is the babys daddy, and weather you like it or not, if he WANTS to be here its part him. keep in touch. i hope i helped.

Well it sucks that there are so many men out there that think they can make babies then live their lives w/o any concern for the children they make. For my first ultrasound I had friends with me. I know it's not the same but at least you'll have someone to share your miracle with. Yesterday I had the big ultrasound and I found out the s_x of the baby (It's a GIRL) and my cousin came with me. Baby daddy called during which I thought was weird because he didn't know. I called him back after to tell him the good news and all he had to say was he was in court and they wanted to give him 90 days in jail. Do I really want this man in my daughters life? I know a child needs their father but if the father's a piece of s**t won't my daughter be better off w/o him? It was his idea to have a baby.

His idea to have a baby!?!--I a__sume you mean you PLANNED it then and not decided after the fact... You hardly knew him, had unprotected s_x and broke up then found out you were pregnant. Anyway, what is done is done. Yes you are right any child deserves descent and caring parents and when you say your child "deserves" better....that is why we women should try and look for potentially good fathers in the first place. After all it is we (unless we are raped) who chose the men we sleep with.

no we didn't plan it. what i meant by that was when i first found out and talked to him about it he made it seem like he would be there and everything would be great. yes, we i did choose to sleep with him. maybe it wasn't the smartest thing i've ever done but i also have the choice to give my daughter the best life i possibly can. why would you want to tell me how stupid it was? that wasn't advice. it was actually quite rude.

Forget the loser.... im sure there are plenty of better potential fathers at your local pub.

He sounds like he is definately more concerned about himself. I would "play it by ear" throughout your pregnancy and then decide what you plan to do. But I really think short supervised visits might just work. I also think that we all make mistakes and most of us have had a man in our past that we have looked back and said "What the **** was I thinking?" You have taken responsibility for your actions and have kept the baby, that's really the best you can do. We're all human. I'm sure you'll be a great mom.

Thanks ladies

I hope this is not too late for you. I too am in a similar situation, and age, but the Dad was a very dear old friend and boyfriend. Kinda my homeboy, you know? We love each other, but he is irresponsible and a big drinker. I changed and he didn't. He did come to the big ultra sound appointment i did not let him in the birth, and now she;s born i let him come to my place and we hang out he brings her art he makes and baby food. I'm working with him slowly to see how he does with her and I to see if it can work. we don't live together, but this time is enough to see how things can go. she needs to know her roots. I do know his whole family though and I suggest you do the same. Someone may have good advice for you in that cirlce, I know his StepMom gave me lots of info on him that helped me make my decisions. Some guys just were raised wrong and you have to work around it and keep giving positive energy to him and see if he responds back the same way. Will he pay support with out filing for visitation?

Hi, So I was in your situaion a while back, My son was born in may, 2007. His dad and I hung out/went out for a couple months and I got prego, and I had all the same feelings........ it wasnt a good relationship to start out with and he clearly wasnt going to change his lifestyle for the lil guy, so i jus did what i had to do and never looked back. I think you should let him be involved if he likes but if not, your gonna have so much love flowing when that baby comes, that its his loss. and how i feel with my son is that he is surrounded my soo much love that hes not gonna grow up damaged by his father not being there. I think if you trust in the Lord he will, in time, bring you someone worthy to be a daddy to your lil girl, or even change the heart of her father...............I could go on and on, but i wont. lol. best wishes to you, and God Bless