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I dunno why your mom isnt happy but you shouldnt' be applying for government aide. Especially since you dont need it. you shouldnt care anyway. Your grandmother is happy with the arrangement and it gives you a chance to save for your future then i would take it. dont worry about what your mother thinks. Your doing the ebst thing that parents can do. Spend your money on her, save the rest, and spend time with family while increasing your skills and education. =)

Hmm... I'll try it next time I see her (whenever that is) It sounds like something I should do with my dad too lol. Thanks :)

Maybe she is starting to get that feeling that parent get....She is starting to feel as if her young daughter doesnt need her anymore. I know you talked about your sister and the issues there. She is older and is still dependent on your mom..maybe that doesnt feel right to your mother. Her younger daughter being more prepaired and goal oriented for the world then her eldest. She could also just be extreamly worried about you, harold and the baby...You both are young, with a young baby. As of when ellie was born you needed your mom, now you dont anymore. change happens So quickly you yourself probably didnt notice it happening...So from your moms point of view change hasnt happened yet...You guys are planning to move out, so she is worried that you guys arent prepaired. By her urgeing you to go for state aid, it probably makes her feel like she is needed and that you guy will stay with her longer. as for yelling in front of ellie...PB covered that one, and PB is very much right! But I dont think there is anything you can do about your mom. I dont think she has bad intentions. I think she is just worried about you like a mother should be, and like you and harold will be with ellie when she is ready to go off into the world without a__sistance from her parents.

there is one thing to be worried about your adughter..but it crosses the line with badmouthing and getting in your face. Thats called domestic abuse. She shouldn't tolerate it..not matter how the mother is feeling. She should act like an adult. I know its hard, but until she understands that its not right for her to behave that way...she has to learn the hard way. Like i did with my family. I dont regret my decision at all and i'm so much happier. my father doesn't yell at me anymore and speaks civily even though i hate him, and my mother came around too adn watches what shes says. Our relationship has never been strongher. You may think you dont have the power to do something, but sometimes you just have to set them right. If you think you can do only what you know you can, then you will never do very much at all. Stand up for yourself and trust me . she will be angry at first btu will come around. =) and you BOTH will be better off and closer than ever.

keep pushing it under the rug and she'll have her way with you.

Another thing too, is you mom saying "well you curse in from of her all the time" Is wrong I would have said "Yes, mom that is true but does it make it right? i am working on my language myself. She is my daughter, and I am asking you before telling you to please not talk like that in front of her....How i talk in front of my daughter is my business and how EVERYONE else talks in front of ellie is MY business as well"

That's basically what I said. Here's how it went. I was sitting with Ellie in her play room like I do every day, and I hear the door slam and she storms in and says "AMANDA WHY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN SUPPORT ELLIE WITH YOUR KIND OF PAYCHECK??" So I looked up at her, kind of confused, and said "Mom, can we take this to the other room? You are upsetting Ellie." Then she said "Oh so when you are yelling in front of her it's okay but when I do it its not??" I asked her what she was talking about and she said "The other day you were cursing in front of her." "Well... Yeah I let a curse word slip but I'm trying to stop. I never raise my voice in front of her and you shouldn't either." Then she huffed at me and made her little mad face, and threw a piece of paper at me that had the phone number for WIC on it. I told her I didn't need it and she said "You do need it, you can't get buy on your salary and Ellie needs to have financial support." Then she stormed off and I was just kind of like ummmm that was really uncalled for. I mean, I feel like there's some bit of information she's missing or that my dad and my sister are telling her a bunch of lies like they have been doing since Ellie was born. They just really don't believe I should be a mother at my age and they are doing whatever they can to make it harder for me. My mom is always with them and I'm quite sure she's hearing nothing but negative things. More often than not she believes my sister since my sister lives with me and she doesn't. But in reality I probably see them about the same amount since my sister lives in the guest room which is not a part of the main house. I only see her when she comes in to cook, talk to my grandma or put her clothes in the laundry. So maybe 15 minutes a week? I dunno I'm starting to ramble but I just don't think my mom would be pushing it if she knew exactly what was going on. My mom is a good person, she's just really overwhelmed by everything... it makes it hard to figure out why she does a lot of the things she does.

***btw she doesn't know how much money I make LOL

..well really it is none of her buisness (but since she is your mother it kinda is, if that makes any sence) so maybe you should sit down with your mother and show her what your finances look like, and how you can make it just fine

whatever you do. DONT show her how much your making. YOUR finances are NONE OF HER business. If you know your doing fine then continue to let your sister and or other family members feed her lies. YOu need to set these boundaries. i dont konw why shes acting like this but it needs to stop or she will think she can parent your child and walk all over you. You dont want your child to see this growing up , otherwise she'll take the example and kinda rebel or try and get awa ywith the things that grandma does, like yell at you etc.

I don't think the amount I make really matters to her or would make a difference if she knew. V- I don't know. She has never acted like this before. She was really happy when Ellie was born and supportive of me. She's wanted me to get a job since I was 16. I'm actually behind my brothers and sisters in that area. All of them, including my sister have had jobs at 16. Granted, none of them went to college because of it which is part of the reason I have been avoiding it. Continuing college is very, very important to me. I'm only making enough money to have a good amount in savings and pay for everything Ellie needs. It's not like I'm buying a house.

Yeah it is hard to put a finger on it, but at the same time, the fact that she has never acted this way is also a big clue. There is so much change and progress in your life rigt now that maybe it is hard for her. I understand that your brothers and sisters had jobs earlier than you but did they have a child at 17, have a fiancee who makes it obvious that he loves you and his daughter and will be a good father and husband? Did they carry as much maturity and grace as you have at 18? The way it sounds to me, you have gone from a chaotic state of mind and an even more chaotic situation to now being at the first step of a very successful and fulfilling life. One where your daughter has everything she needs because you provide it, one where you are going to make your career goals come true and have a college degree, etc. That in itself is very scary, but if these are things that most people don't pull off in your family and/or if your mom didn't then it could make her feel like you are on another level than her-your leaving her behind and entering a realm she can't relate to and it can cause her to panic. And I'd make a safe bet that you are the youngest girl in the family or even the youngest period-so that in itself is a stinger! At the same time she might have looked at your situation and had certain expectations of where you'd be at right now-like more dependent on her and your family. She may not understand that it is possible for you guys to be as well off as you are and may think your brushing problems under the rug and/or scamming off other family members without her knowledge. That would explain the government a__sistance comment if it isn't a form of parental jealousy. On the other hand, maybe she's just had a c___ppy week and is taking it out on you??? Sorry for my musings I just always believe that when dealing with conflict the best place to start when trying to figure outhow to handle it is to try to figure out where the other person's actions or feelings are coming from. If your moms actions are coming from an insecurity all she needs is rea__suring, if it's coming from being p__sy and taking it out on you then you just need to bark back a little and then stand your ground until she gets over it. Catch what I'm saying? Tht way you get to the root and don't have further misunderstandings because of miscommunicatin and both of you throwing emotion against emotion when neither knows what's really going on!

Well both of those ideas make sense and yes I'm the youngest in the family... and her only 'real' daughter to have any career goals what-so-ever. I only have one blood sister and that's the ex-stripper who is a total psycho path with no direction. Then I have a bunch of half brothers and sisters who all moved out around the age of 20. My sister got married and had a child, my brother is a plumber and lives with his new girl friend after ending a previous 10-year relationship with a girl I never liked :) My other brother is homeless because of his drug problem but that is just a totally different story haha. So yes I am the youngest and the most well off with the exception of my half-siblings. Then again, she has been under a b___tload of stress and has been very easily irritated lately. She's the type of person who wants to please everyone... but, especially in my family, you never can. She feels very torn and depressed with everything that's going on with my family. She wants my father and I to have a good relationship, but all my dad does is talk about how much I ruined his life and how much of a whore I am, and I just avoid him at all costs. They are arguing more than ever, so I hear, and my dad has become abusive toward my mother again since he found out I was pregnant with Ellie. My mom tries to cover it up but she'll come home with bruises, mostly around her wrists and come up with stories like she tripped, or was "wearing a bracelet that was too tight." Yet, for some god forsaken reason, she wants my dad to be happy and she is sticking around to make sure it happens. But my dad is never happy... never has been, and never will be. I really, honestly think, with all the drug and alcohol induced mental problems he has, it is now physically impossible for him to be happy. It's a shame, I hear before he became handicapped and started drinking so much, that he was a wonderful, happy guy. But... I've never met that guy. The accident happened about a year before I was born. Anyway... so, you see how both sides are quite possible. Now I'm stuck, do I confront her or not?

confront her. Her reasons may be her reasons and they may not be bad, or she may be confused. But she still needs to know that her ACTions were wrong. And its actions that count, not how she feels. Even if she is upset she can still handle things in a calm matter, she is just choosing not too. I have tramatic things in my life too and i own up to everything i did wrong because i know its wrong. she has no excuse for treating you like dirt.

I'll think about it. If she was stressed out I'm really not comfortable adding onto her stress. I know whatever she is doing she doesn't mean harm by it. I feel bad enough when I went though a depression and when I was raped she was taking everything harder than I was. She felt like she was a bad mother and that my sadness was her fault. It is the worst feeling in the world seeing my mom cry. If there's any way I can solve this problem without causing her anymore pain then I'd much rather do that. I told her today before Ellie's doctor's appointment that it was inappropriate for her to do that and she admitted fault and said she'd confront me in private next time.

Well there is a way to kind of put your foot down without hurting her further. When my mom gets out of line aboutmy son I just tell her that I am the mother now and say things that rea__sure her and let's her know that I've got this. Then I usually end that convo by addressing certain ways that she has crossed the line. Saying something like "I understand that you've been stressed or worried but..." or "I love you to death but I can't have that happening around my daughter" will usually make your point firm but not seem mean. Also explain to your mom that at Ellies age tone is more imporant than actual words. You may do something like slip a cuss word every now and again but you don't use aggressive tones around her. Her listening to grandma get angry and curse (because usually people put the most aggressive tone behind curse words naturally) causes her stress, and stress can cause problems in her brain development. Just a little suggestion and I hope it helps. I know the stage you are in as a mom is pretty hard because now Ellie has been around for awhile and your getting confident in your own parenting but others are invested and used tohelping and providing advice, but now you don't need their input AS MUCH! It's a sucky tug of war! I didn't handle it correctly at first because I was so scared and in the middle of all that court c___p so it led to mefinally snapping on everyone and getting a bad att_tude when someone crosses the line on my rules!