What Should I Do -pg121721105721
5 Replies
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okay. well im new here so first let me introduce myself.
my name is Kayla and i just turned 19. i am 5 months pregnant with my first child. and im having a baby girl.
but heres my situation.
me and the babys father were together for over a year. We had moved to Kentucky with his family. we were happy and everything was going good until we decided to move back home. he had to go to jail for 3 months on a ovi charge from 6 months ago. that was all fine i waited for him while he was in jail. after he got out everything changed. i had started to realize i wasnt happy. i found out about a month and a half after he got out of jail that i was pregnant. i know the child is his because hes the only one ive had s_x with in a year. well about a week before i found out i was pregnant we were having problems and we were on the verge of breaking up. well obviously i found out i was pregnant and i was going to try and make things work. Well about a weeks after I found out I was pregnant his ex girlfriend called him crying because she found out I was pregnant. Needless to say I wasn’t thrilled. Well long story short he broke up with me for her and I being supid and “in love “ stayed around. he broke up with her and wanted to be with me about a month later. And since I was pregnant I took him back. We moved in together and that worked out.. kinda. We had major issues because he was still talking to his ex and he was drinking heavily. Well one night it got out of control and we ended up in a physical fight ( mind im 3 months pregnant at the time). I didn’t call the cops because I had never been in trouble before and I had put my hands on him also. I was scared. And angry. I moved in with my mom and stayed there for awhile. And then I moved back in with him after he begged me and told me he wasn’t drinking anymore. Well him and his ex girlfriend were still talking which was a problem for me. But I tried it again. I gave up my life, my job everything to move with him again. Well I just couldn’t get over the fact he cheated on me and she kept calling and im not stupid shes not ging to keep calling for 2 months unless hes talking to her. So I eventually after a month of being back and realizing if I stay with him my child is not going to have the stuff she needs I move back with my mom. Now he is still calling and he wants to be apart of the babys life. But im not sure hes ready. I mean I love this boy even after all the shit hes put me through and ive told him that we’ll see. I want to make sure he’s really prepared for this.
but after all that history.. do you think im wrong not to put him on the birth certificate and to give her my last name. I just don’t want to have him take her away from me. I don’t see him doing anything with his life. Hes almost 21 the only reason he has a job is because I made him get a job. He still has no ged or high school diploma. I don’t want him to pay child support I just idk what to do. i plan on moving to texas in a year and hes aware of this and I feel like its all very nice you say your going to be there but I need proof. And personally I would like to keep him off until he proves hes going to be a good father. I mean I can always add him to the birth certificate & change her last name. I mean my mother did the same thing, and my dads been here my whole life and yes he is now on my birth certificate and I have his last name but still my mom was protecting herself ..
so opinions apprecaited
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I agree with Amanda COMPLETELY. If you keep taking him back, he's always going to think he can get a second chance so he'll never learn or stop what he's doing. Trust me I learned that the hard way. Plus he's going to ruin the beautiful experience of your pregnancy, cause you stress which can cause problems in your pregnancy, and with physical fighting he REALLY doesn't care about you or his own child-even if you hit him too. You don't need all the drama right now and the fact he isn't straightening out is proof he either doesn't care about you enough, or he isn't mature enough to be a good daddy. Your daughter doesn't need that, because she is going to grow up feeling the way he makes you feel now. As for the birth certificate, I'd put his name on it, but I wouldn't give her his last name. See it this way-he isn't working with you through this, he's making it harder. It'd be different if it was a team effort or you were married-so I say THAT LITTLE GIRL IS YOUR BABY, therefore she should have YOUR last name. I don't think you want to be in the situation years from now where you are enrolling her in school or filling out paperwork for doctors and writing his last name down and yours is different from hers, so the doctors are going to ask if you are the mother. That'll make you feel BAD, and he won't even be putting in half of the effort that you are to raise her. While he's getting drunk, having s_x freely with others, going out at night, sleepign when he wants to you will be at home taking care of a baby, everything you might want to do (dating, going out etc) will revolve around her schedule. There will be so many times you will wish you could go out or get out of the house for a minute, or will struggle to do simple everyday tasks carrying around a little person, and he will be doing whatever he wants-and you're even considering giving her his last name???? I think not!!! Sorry if I'm coming across rude-I don't mean to be, I just want to instill that att_tude in you that that little girl should have a name she can be proud of, and have the name that connects her to the person who will be busting her b___t for her-which is you. Honor her and honor yourself in that way-he doesn't deserve that honor!!!! God bless you sweetie, and can't wait to here updates. Also I'm very sorry for the struggle you've been going through-Amanda is right, you don't deserve that, you sound like a lovely girl!
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i have to say he's going to keep doing what he's doing because he knows you'll forgive him. he also knows that the baby is your weakness and will keep making empty promises. make him work for that spot on the birth certificate if you choose to give him a chance. and next time he gets all many and decides to put his hands on you, call the police. you are defending yourself and if something happens he has that against him and won't ever be able to take your baby from you.
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Congratulations on your girl! Okay....what do you expect from this guy, he is 21, jobless (more or less) and never graduated from highschool. So if he can not do some basics for himself, you rightly can't expect him to be a well prepared father. BUT, you say you love him and obviously there are many good qualities in him that allowed you to foster a relationship up to a pregnancy, so with that said, try to think of the good and hope he can be involved somehow in his daughters life--sadly dont expect much. YES put his name on the birth certificate, he IS the father!!!!! Keep your last name. Focus on yourself, hopefully your mom can be a great support and good luck!!!!
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Thanks =) and dont worry you guys are nowhere near as harsh as my mom =)
Im just worried about having to go through a custody battle. like i said my mom has went through all of this and i am planning on making a long distance move next summer because my parents own two houses down there and i would have a nice place to raise my daughter. and i havent taken him back and i wont unless he honestly gets his life together and proves hes a good dad. im just still not convinced to put him on the birth certificate. that gives him rights instead of him having to (again) prove he cares by getting a paterity test. im kind of at the point where this is my baby and i dont want to have to lose her. even if it is just for visitation. i mean.. i'd have no clue what she would be around and that scares me. Because lets face it all he wants to do is go out and party. and to lunamoo. yes i understand hes the father but is he a daddy? if i went to a sperm donor i wouldnt be expected to put him on the birth certificate.. because he wouldnt be a father. he wouldnt be in the childs life at all. and honestly im not expecting too much out of him. i mean he hasnt prepared for the baby and he does have a full time job. im working part time and i have everything i need for her to come home. if he isnt going to put in the effort, if he isnt going to take care of the child he brought into this world then why should he get the same rights that i do when im going to be the one whos taking care of her? B___t like I said thank you to everyone you have all been helpful in my decision. But she is getting my last name and for the time being he will not be on the birth certificate. He can always be added if he proves he is a father =)
Ohhh and shes going to be named – Kendall Nettie Mae ( he hates that name but I love it so.. )
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I'm not as nice as these other girls, I say don't put his name anywhere near that birth certificate ^_^ I love her name. My daughter's name is Elizabeth Rae (we call her Ellie) so they have like similar middle names... Mae, Rae, you get the idea :)
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