Wondering If Anyone Eles Feels Like This

8 Replies
dmjdjw336 - October 5

I sometimes feel like a bad person for this and I do love this unborn child. I was just wondering if anyone else feels like they are getting oushed aside and the baby is all that seems important to anyone. Let me explain a bit about the situation of where I am coming from. I am currently dating the father of this child but we have only been dating for 9 months and days. It was 3 months into the relationship before I got pregnant. I was so scared that DJ (my boyfriend) would leave me but he was so excited to hear that he was having a child it did not seem like it mattered. Now I am 29 weeks and 6 days pregnant and each day I feel like I am going to be over looked if I am not already. Yes his family has been so kind to me but I feel like it is sometimes due to the baby that will be coming into this world. I feel so selfish when I think like this. I know that this is not true for DJ and his family and mine keep telling me that I do matter. My mom also told me that this is normal but I still wonder. I have not come across anyone yet who feel or felt like this. I also read stories and see how happy everyone is and I feel even worse for sometimes I do not want to have this child but then after a few reflections, I would not want this any other way.

 

Teddyfinch - October 5

i would have to say it's normal. i'm 34 weeks tomorrow and i still ask my husband of almost 4 years if he'll still love me just as much after the baby is born because i don't see how he'll be able to love me as much as he does now and then love the baby so much and still have love for me lol. and i'm 28 years old! it's just part of our hormones i think. i wouldn't worry. we're not crazy. it's normal to make sure you'll always be loved.

 

homeworkwithheather - October 5

I am more scared that my husband's and my relationship is going to change...we have been together 10 years and married for 6 and I really always loved the dynamic of just the 2 of us...well 3 if you count our dog...who I will love equally as the baby coming. But I can't stop thinking about the day when we walk out of the house to go to the hospital, and it is the last time that it will be just the 2 of us...I'm sure once the baby is here and we both are with him I will be fine...I think it is just the anticipation. I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal...there is such a focus on the baby, and understandably so, but the best thing you can do is to keep talking about your feelings and don't let them fester. Get it out there and out of your system...rea__surance is key right now. I know it is for me... good luck

 

Tonigirl - October 5

Hi ladies...it's like your totally reading my mind. I have thought the same exact thing about how our lives are going to change after this baby comes. I really wanted a baby with my husband of 2 years, but after we became pregnant it REALLY hit me that our lives together would never be the same. I also love the dynamic of just of the two of us. I love being able to be spontaneous and do whatever we feel like when we feel like it...but now I think about how things are going to change. Not to mention, I've asked my husband the same thing..."Will you still love me after this baby comes? Will you still want me forever?" It's like this emotionally charged insecurity just rises up inside me and this fear overtakes me...fear of the future, fear of change...but I have to push those fears aside because perfect love casts out fear...and although our love isn't perfect...it's the closest thing to perfection i've got (other than God's love) and I have to push the fears aside and believe the best. Plus, it's so easy to get caught up in the negative emotions and before you know it you're in a full tail spin of negativity. So, I think what we're all feeling is totally normal, but it's important to think on all the good that's going to come with all the change as well. good luck to us all... :-)

 

chiyochan - November 18

mine is a lil different, with me it almost seems like I don't exsist and all there is is the baby i mean for instance I was talking to my mom about my birthday comeing up in dec. I mentioned something I could really use and would like her response was "don't be surprised if all you get is baby stuff this year". everyone has said the same. and I feel really selfish because its wonderful that these people are so happy about him but sometimes I feel like what about me?the only two people who are'nt acting that way is my fiancee and my closest friend. I feel awful for feeling this way

 

Teddyfinch - November 18

i don't know about the pet thing. i have two cats, one i've had for almost 10 years and i still don't see how someone can say they will love their pet the same.

 

micsmms3 - November 22

Ovb. this is a normal thing to think about! Shew! I've thought about this as well. Sometimes I just feel like a "vessel". My BF is really excited about the baby, we've been together for 3 years. When I mention that it' won't be the two of us anymore, or we won't be able to be spontaneous together again, he looks at me like I'm an idiot- because he just wants the baby here and is happy that she's coming and won't miss just being "2". That kind of bothers me, but then again, as women we over a___lyze absolutely everything (plus our hormones are crazy right now!) and the guys- they just don't think the way we do. They don't really think into anything at all. I also notice his family being xtra nice to me... because they are very excited about the new baby in their family, which I am carrying- hence, I am nothing but a vessel.... I envision them pushing me out of the way to get to the baby once she's here... That freaks me out a bit, but I keep reminding myself that the baby is lucky to come into a world with so many people whom will love her. Sigh. Isn't life complicated!!!

 

FlyBear - November 24

I don't really worry so much about my husband loving me or anyone paying attention to me because everyone does really good at making me feel like they are just as concerned about me being hungry or tired or whatever as they are about the baby getting everything he needs. However I do worry about my husband feeling like that. He had a lil heart to heart with me not too long ago and told me that he's so worried I'll forget about him after the baby is born. He loves the baby and he's excited to be a daddy too. We planned the pregnancy and all, but he said he's seen it happen a million times with his buddies. They are married and happy and it's just the two of them focused on each other and then the lil one comes along and everyone lives to satisfy baby and before they know it the couple doesn't really know each other anymore. They're too tired to talk or have s_x and the next thing they know someone is trying to find comfort and a lover in someone else outside the marriage. He's so worried that I'll be so excited about Evan that I'll spend every second and ever lick of energy I have on him and neglect our relationship. Not because I have a tendcy to do that with relationships but just because of how many times he's seen it happen to other people. I didn't feel at all like he was being selfish. If anything it made me feel good to know that he was so in love with me and worried about us always being that way. He was making an effort to talk, discuss his feelings and honestly that's good for a relationship. I a__sured him that when the baby was first born that I would be tired and the baby would take a LOT of attention and focus from both of us but that if he was patient with me while I'm trying to figure out being a mommy for the first time that I'll do everything I can to show him that we're in this together and that I love him just as much as I always did. I guess I'm just trying to say that I think it's completely normal for people to worry about what having a baby will do to their life and their relationships. It's funny cause just a few nights after he and I had this conversation I was talking to my mom and she was saying that she just had one piece of advice for me and that was to make sure that I remembered to love my husband through all of this. She said that I'd be tired and tempted to focus completely on my new baby but that I have to remember that WE have a baby and that I want US to raise him. This is true. Anyways, sorry so long. Don't worry so much DMJ. I don't think it's selfish. It's normal. Heck at least you guys are worried about important things, all I can think about lately is how after he's born I'm not going to get a good night's sleep for a while! :(

 

micsmms3 - November 24

Flybear, i'm worried about the lack of sleep once she's here, too. I don't know how I'll manage, but pray that I will. Here is selfish for ya- I'm just hoping my s_x life returns once she's here and I'm healed (not just s_x- but intimacy, feeling loved/desired, that special connection, etc.). I'm scared that it wont and that really freaks me out. That makes me very nervous about my relationship, which is also scary now that we will have a family of our own.

 

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