How To Handle Rude Questions
12 Replies
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Hello, my question is for mothers that have already given birth. How do you handle the more annoying questions and comments you get on your multiples. Such as, "Better you not me" or "wow you really have your hands full"? What is the rudest comment you have recieved and what was your response? Is there anytime you try and avoid other peoples gawking?
Thanks
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baliezer, I'm a young mother of 4 & recieve several rude comments almost daily. men say : are they all yours? so you want another one? & the women : ever heard of birth control? & wow someone can't keep their legs crossed!
MY response is : MYOB! to the men: last time I checked they were all mine & if I do want another what makes you think that it would have anything to do with you?& to the women: I play dumb! what do you mean? does that work? & perhaps keeping my legs crossed would be a wise thing if preg was not my goal but wisdom didn't help you keep your mouth shut.........take it w/ a grain of salt & realize that it's thier fears & insecurities that make them so stupid! If you & yours are happy what else matters? & if people gawk... can I help you? you look troubled! They're usually so embarrest they cowar & serves them right.
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I don't think most people realize they're being rude when they spot those little "Hey, double trouble!" comments. I'm sure most think they're being witty and just want to let us know that they noticed that we have multiples. You'll notice that you'll hear the same comments over and over again so you'll come up with responses for all of them. I usually try to be polite because people don't mean anything by it. When they say 'Double trouble' I tell them that to me it's 'Twice as nice' :)
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I think a lot of comments stem from jealousy. So, I like to answer it in a way that puts a jab into the green monster. Like if they say "better you than me" say "that's right" or "double the trouble" I say "double the hugs and kisses". I get comments all the time, especiallys since my twins are boys.
YNEZ, Good grief! I don't know what kind of people you run into but I have never had that said to me and I hope I never will. That just floors me! If some woman said anything about birth control, she is getting smacked!
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I don't have multiples, but I was just reading this and wondering why it is rude to say "you really have your hands full" or "better you than me?" I understand the birth control comment is rude and the legs crossed comment is also rude, but what's wrong with the others? When people have just one baby they get comments like, "you're life as you know it is over" or "better you than me" I don't really think it's rude but just people not knowing what else to say. Trying to be cute or witty. And I think when you have twins or tripleets, peole are always going to stare, people are fascinated by it. They think they are adorable, it's hard not to look when you see a pair of adorable twins walking in the store together! People stare and gawk when it's just one adorable baby too.
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DaBonkElsMe- not having multiples, you can't understand that not only is it rude, it is hurtful. Saying to a pregnant person that their life as they know it is over is completely true for it will change. But saying "better you than me" is saying that what you have it terrible and they wouldn't want it for anything and that is insulting and hurtful. Plus having twins, you get this way more than you do with just one. The attention when going out is borderline celebrity. It is weird how many strangers approach you and even follow you in public with their little comments. If it were just one or two comments a month, it wouldn't be a big deal, but 5-10 times a day is way too much and you just reach your limit. I got to where I could sense if someone was about to say something, so I would go out of my way not to get close to that person.
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It's so true, I was in Target the other day and saw a lady with twin boys and I was going to approach her and realized I didn't have my twins with me when I saw 'The Look' on her face. I internally laughed and left her alone. We've all been there when someone chews your ear off about how their sister's friend's cousin's mother has twins but for some reason when another twin mom says hi it's ok (at least for me it is) because they know how it is.
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I agree with freebird completely on the "better you than me" comment...when people hear we're expecting triplets, we often get that and I hate it. I don't get offended by "you will have your hands full/you must have your hands full" because that's true! I generally tink the people who say "better you than me" don't regard muliples as something cute, unfortunately. And ditto on the birth control/legs crossed remarks--I would have to tell that person that they were being offensive. BTW, you your kids don't have to be born for you to get stared at--I have a triplet mom to be friend who is just about ready for her scheduled c-section and is still mobile, and she gets all kinds of looks and comments!
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I have six kids and am pregnant with number 7. While I have had some really exceptionally rude comments...the small ones...who cares? People don't know it hurts your feelings...Baliezer...I have had those comments too, yours too Ynez. Sometimes I get irritated, but most of the time I just ignore them. You can chose to be offended or chose to ignore them. When ever we are all together as a family...people litterally stop and start counting as the kids go by. It is quazai celeberity-ish. It is natural and normal for people to be drawn to the "unusual"...for lack of a better word. Multiples are so amazing and what a blessing for those that have them. There are people who are just down right ignorant and are that way on purpose...but, for the most part...it is just curiosity. We took all the kids to Disneyland and we were totally on display. Everywhere we were peple stopped to comment...mostly what a beautiful family we have. My friend has natural triplets. You would not believe the attention she gets. But when your family is different from the norm...people are going to be curious I guess. Just enjoy your beautiul families...
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I do not have twins (yet) but from the other point of view some of us dont realize that is an annoying question.....I do get the comment "better u and not me" alot being this is my 3rd child, my son is 3 and my daughter 9months so I understand that....... The best comeback I comeback with is "My children are Gods blessings and How ever many blessings he gives to me I will be equally happy!!!!" And as to people gawking,,, Let them Gawk!!!! They are just jealous it is u and not them!!!!!!!
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Those comments can realy get anoying & yes sometimes it hurts. My twins are now almost 1 year olds & very busy. We are expecting another in Jan & boy do people love to comment. What hurts the most is the comments from family members. The best/worst "You're adults, you know how it happens, why did you let it happen!!" I get so angry. My babies are all a blessin. We spent years trying & after seein multiple docs, we got our twins. This new one is our miracle & the entire world is better for any new life!
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"He jests at scars that never felt a wound" Unless you have multiples, you have no clue what us multiple moms go through.....none.
Corona- I didn't know you were having another one! Congrats, congrats and a big congrats!!!!
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I get comments I have 5 kids and Im pg with twins. I get a lot of ya know if your dh would invest in cable this wouldn't happen. Like he wouldnt want to have s_x with me if we had cable? wth? They also say you do know what causes that right, to my response I say Yes and WE LIKE IT! lol None of their comments really bother me..Its just ppl being stupid and have nothing INTELLIGENT to say. In todays society having more than 2-3 kids is TOO many, and there must be something going on...I just b__w them off. I figure my family size is NONE of their business, and Im glad its ME and not them..lol
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