Caring For And Living With Multiples
34 Replies
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I want to take the opportunity to respond to something someone posted on another thread and also allow the other multiples moms here to do the same. This encouragement was given to someone who just found out they were pregnant with twins by someone who is trying for twins.
***I think there is a book or article out on why twins can be easier than singletons. I'm not sure about easier, I just have been told its all about routine routine routine. Get them up at the same time, feed them at the same time, every time - and your likely to do ok.****
Twins easier than a singleton? HAHAHAHA!! If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you!! Yes, schedules help (the only way to get by in my opinion) but no matter how you cut it, IT IS TWICE THE WORK. The sooner you get used to that idea while you’re pregnant the easier time you will have once your babies get here. I’m not trying to scare anyone, I’m just trying to tell it like it is because there seems to be a lot of delusion on this board to what’s actually involved in having twins (or more). Between them my twins take 15 – 18 bottles per day and 15 – 20 diaper changes. The change/feed/burp cycle for 2 takes me about 1 – 1.5 hours assuming both babies cooperate. Longer if they don’t. They need to eat about every 3 hours. Sometimes less. Having a schedule helps, but that’s only assuming that the babies will stick to said schedule. They don’t always. They don’t always sleep at the same time so some days someone will always be awake. They don’t always have their fussy days at the same time, sometimes they take turns and I have at least one fussy baby for 2 weeks straight. Everything always has to be done twice. Just fed the baby and you’re really tired? Gotta do it again. Back killing you because you just gave baby a bath? Guess what? There’s another one waiting to get washed! So you do it, and you get through it and you’re very, very tired. But by no stretch of the imagination is it easier than taking care of a singleton. Everything else is harder too. Getting a gigantic twin stroller through a store or the mall is like a nightmare. There’s not always enough room in the store you want to go into and always having to stop and answer questions about the twins from nosy shoppers makes everything take twice as long. Some of you may think the attention is great but we can tell you it gets old FAST. Can’t go out to eat with 2 when they’re babies. The chances of 1 baby sleeping through dinner is low, with 2 it’s practically nonexistent. I love my children and am doing what I need to for them, but make no mistake about having multiples. It is much much harder than you think it will be and much much much harder than everyone else thinks it is.
**This post was written overnight between feedings and posted in the AM when I finally got a moment to myself.**
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Thank God!!! You're right on target. Oops
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Sorry, my daughter started crying woke up her brother. Both my sister-in-laws had babies within a month of me having the twins. All of us are 1st time Moms. They have so much more of a life than I do. They have so much more freedom & energy. They even have a semi-clean house! I'm not saying that I don't love the time I spend with my kids, but I could really use a break. It's hard finding a family member willing to watch 6month old twins for even an hour just to do groceries! Be careful what you wish for. I only wished for 1 healthy baby & I go 2, and 1 of them is still pretty sick because of being born preemie!
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Freebird I would like to ask you a question. Please do not take this as me being rude or iggnorant. Why would you post something like this? I found your post extremely discouraging. Neither myself nor the other women on this forum appear dumb or uninformed and I am sure that nobody thinks that having twins or more is a walk in the park!! Were you intentionally trying to scare us by only pointing out the negative in having multiples? Nobody can choose whether or not we have one, two, or three, or more babies, but whatever we end up with is a blessing. All the women on here appear to be happy and are looking forward to having their babies. So maybe you should keep all the negativity to yourself, I know that I would not spend so much time complaining about my children. I would have rathered used all the extra time you had to write this post in between or whatever you did to actually enjoy them.
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I agree with wannababyboy what u wrote (freebird) was scary and yes I know twins are more work then one and I read the thread that freebird is talking about but I think u should have addressed that with that one person my doctor told me when I came to him about trying for twins what to expect the good and the bad he made me research and read some books on the birth of twins he also said that if I had came to him already pregnant with twins he would just help me to get thru the time and only give info on my situation as needed in other words not try to scare me with the what if's. So what I'm saying is not everyone on here tried for twins some just got um and it is a blessing just as one would be. And yes it's hard work but so is having one or one with other children already in the family. So lets be nice and help those that ask.
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I don't believe that any of this was complaining. Was it taken as negative because I refuse to sugar-coat it? These are not the 'negative aspects' of having twins, this is just what we do.
I really do think that there are alot of people on this site who need a hefty dose of reality and yes, alot of them do not think about the day-to-day aspects of caring for more than 1 baby at a time. When I was pregnant I would have welcomed an honest post like this. If you find this discouraging then I'm sorry. It is however, the truth.
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Not for everyone some us have all the help we will need how do you know someone wasn't going thru depression about being pregnant with twins and you just put the icing on the cake. I want everyone to be happy and we should try to help those get thru those times with positive info like how do u get thru the days when everything goes wrong that's what I want to hear inspite of the hard times what's the bright side of multiples
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OK, if someone is on the brink of going through depression and is pregnant with twins it's better that they deal with it before the babies get here than afterwards. It's better to be blindsided by how much work is involved? It's a lovely thought for everything to be sunshine and roses but when the dust settles what you're left with is reality.
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Freebird nobody is asking you to "sugar-coat" anything, and as far as the hefty dose of reality....what is that supposed to mean? Are you implying that we know nothing and you know it all cause thats how you come across. I got pregnant with twins without the use of fertility drugs and there are other women on here who had help, so what!!!!! Are you even happy with your children because it certainly sounds like all you do is feel bad for yourself and seem to be bitter with everyone else because they are happy to be having more then one baby. I am sure that not everything is as terrible as you try to imply.
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PS - the bright side? There is no downside to having children. Again, I am not touting the 'negatives' here. Just telling you what is involved in caring for my children.
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And yes, I am very happy with my babies. Just not happy with people who are flippant about having multiples and I see alot of this on this site.
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Okay God bless u and your family but you still didn't tell me how to get thru the tough times do you have any suggestion
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Thats their prerogative. Alot of people do reasearch and talk to doctors and read books and mentally are able to prepare themselves.
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Anyways I really do not wish to argue about this. Everyone is ent_tled to their own opinion. I wish you luck with your babies as well as everyone else.
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mama keya - when times get tough it's important to take a step back and take a realitly check. If you're overwhelmed it's ok to put the baby down in a safe place and go in another room for a few minutes to collect yourself. When they're both crying know that it's ok to let one cry while you tend to the other. It's also important to accept help from anyone who offers it, wether it's to cook a meal or just hold one of the babies for you. Try to take a few minutes for yourself each day if you can get someone to keep an eye on the babies. Even if it's just to take a shower or to run out to the drugstore taking a few minutes to yourself will help to recharge your batteries. In the beginning don't worry so much about spending time with each baby, when they're small your job is to take care of their immediate needs. When they get older there will be time for play and stimulation. At the beginning it's just feed, burp, change, nap and start over. My twins are 8 weeks old and we're just beginning to have the time to interact with them and enjoy them a little bit. Everyone I know who has twins says the same thing. At the beginning you don't have the time to spend on each baby as you do with a single and you can't make yourself feel guilty over that. Tend to their needs and try to take care of yourself so you don't burn out.
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Thank you, what about cribes two or one, bouncers, swings, and should we stock up on diapers or buy them as needed, what about the self feeders what have really been helpful for you, and were your twins your first pregnancy
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We have 2 cribs, 2 bouncers. We started with 1 swing and then got a portable one as well to save on space. I would get an initial supply of diapers in newborn size but I wouldn't stock up too too much because they grow fast. and you don't want to be stuck with too many leftovers. I haven't tried slef feeders yet, my babies had alot of gas so we use drop-ins. The twins were my first.
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