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Hi, my name is Rebecca. I am 17. I live in Northeast US. I have an 8 mnth old son. His name is Brian. I just want to tell my story, so please no judgements or fights, OK? I love my son. This goes without saying. But if I had to do over again, I WOULD wait. My parents are supportive for the most part, but I can still see their anger and dissapointment in their faces every day and it hurts more than I thought it would. The father is around only sometimes. His parents are also angry, so believe me, there are no joyous family get togethers around here. I am a senior and will be graduating high school in June. But school is very very hard because I am tired all the time. And I mean TIRED!! I work part time after school and on the weekends. It pays a little over minimum wage, so it isn't much. My mother helps take care of Brian four days a week. And if Brian has a bad day, then my mom has a bad day which means, when I come home, I'm going to have a bad night because my poor mother is tired and stressed out. I get mad at her for not being understanding, but deep down I really can't blame her. I still have my best friend Christine, but I don't see her as much and the phone calls are short because I am always busy doing something. I see her in school, and that is pretty much it. We'll take Brian to the park, but at night, she goes out. I stay home or go to work. If you think having a baby makes you independent, it doesn't. I actually feel like I am grounded all the time. I'm not, but it feels like I am. Limited phone calls, hardly any social life etc. I met a guy and told him I had a baby. He was fine with it, but his parents were not. He said he'd still want to be with me, but I have enough parents mad at me, and I don't want to invite any more trouble in my life. I met another guy. I didn't tell him about Brian. But of course he found out through friends, people etc. He said he was OK with it. He even came over and played with Brian all day. i was happy. I have not heard from him since. That was about three weeks ago. I called him three times, and he hasn't called back. So thats done. Brian is not colicky, but he cries A LOT. Sometimes I do everything I can think of and nothing makes him stop. In the middle of the night my father gets aggravated because he has to go to work in the morning and Brian's crying keeps him up all night. So the next day my dad will probably be in a bad mood. Which makes my mom in a bad mood and on and on it goes. Brian is healthy but gets frequent ear aches whihc are expensive to treat. I don't have my own car so I have to borrow my parents cars when they aren't using them. I am pretty much at everyone's mercy. Keeping a job is hard because of frequently having to take days off because Brian needs me. I am lucky to have this time today to myself. My aunt took Brian to the zoo with her kids and I have a little "me time". What I plan to do with it is the laundry that my mother couldn't get to, put Brians' stuff away, and do my homework. Luckily I am a Senior which means that two days a week I get out at 12:30pm. Believe me, it helps! Brian is the best thing that ever happened to me. Becoming a teenaged mother is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
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Rebecca I read your short life story and I really feel bad for you. There are a lot of young mothers out there that would say the same thing. I am glad you wrote it how it is. I hope more young girls that WANT to be pregnant without thinking about it READ YOUR MASSAGE. Hope you find the right guy that will help you through. There is nothing better then knowing that no matter what he will be there. Good luck to you and God Bless your heart for having this child.
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 | *X* - November 14 |
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You seem like a really bright girl, too, Rebecca. Best of luck to you and your little boy.
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That was very good post Rebecca,honest and hopefully might sink into one or two of these immature girls,wanting a baby.I understand the dissappointment you say in your parents faces.Mine would be the same,I would be the same.Being a parent is rewarding,but hard work,and only at the right time,like any journey in life.
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I hope too, that young girls will read it. It may not change minds because we teens are a hard nut to crack. But even if it got even just one girl to re-think, then thats good. I got pregnant by accident. I was stupid. All the birth control out there and I didn't use any. What did I expect? Girls think having a baby will make them feel more grown up and independent. Well, I was never more dependent on other people in my life! At my age, I was this close to true independence and I blew it. My friend Christine is going to college in the fall. She'll make friends, learn, have fun etc. Like I said I don't regret Brian and this sin't his fault. But it would have been so much better if I were older. It really would have. I can go to a local college where I live, but my mother is not going to keep watching the baby day after day. I can finish school, but I know it is going to take forever. I'll always be behind everyone else. Sometimes I want to go back in time so badly that it makes my chest ache! Accidents happen, but I had a choice and I messed up. But young teens who don't have babies still have a choice at this point. I don't want them to give into that need to have a baby at this age. It's thier minds playing tricks on them! the desire will still be there later on in life. It doesn't go away. I just wish they could be more patient and really listen to people who know better than they do. I've had to learn about things that could have waited. This all happened before it was supposed to and I realize that more and more every day of our lives. I want to do so much for Brian and I can't. I want to be someone he can be proud of. I not only screwed up my life, but I screwed up his. If he was destined to be my son (which I believe he is), then I could have had him at 25, 30 or 35 etc. But I would have had so much more to offer him. girls, life is so hard with a baby. I truly don't get to do ANYTHING! The only fun I have is playing with Brian, and even that is hard to do a lot because of school and work. And the fact is, I will be going to school and working for a very long time to come. I see no rest or relaxation in my near future. I didn't b___st feed Brian for more than a week or two because it's not that easy and I had no patience. Breastfeeding is very very good for babies and I couldn't even get that right. Needless to say my b___bs will never be the same! I know it sounds gross, but my nipples got so dark and have yet to go back to their original color! I know that sounds pety. But i don't hink girls are ready to accept the changes that will happen to them physically. I don't know if they happen to everyone though. maybe if I were a celebrity with a personal trainer, I could get my body back. But let me tell you. I am not happy with the way I look. I;m working on it. But it is hard to stay motivated to excecise when you are srunning around and tired all the time. I don't weven remember the last time I got dressed up! Girls, be prepared.
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As I told you before,and excellent post,followed by a great reply.You are saying life how it is.You feel like you have missed out,and cannot see where your young life is heading.It is natural to have a bond and love your baby,but to focus above that,you are not too ashamed to admit you wish you had waited.Years down the line you may have met and married at the right time,and had a baby with a man you loved.You may still do that,but you are understanding about timing.I hope things work out for you in your life.I admire your honesty.I am honest about talking about my two births on another link.I would never have another natural birth after what I went through,and am on the c-link a lot saying about how pleased I was with that one.Two is enough though,no more.
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Wow - I think you explain what the reality is, with compa__sion and honesty.
Be strong and give a hug to your parents for there love - some others are not so lucky
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Rebecca, my heart goes out to you. Thank you and god bless!
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This story is the real deal. And for those teens trying to get pregnant, it can get a lot worse than Rebecca's post. A mature person LEARNS from the experiences of others, so I hope each of you read this and see what you may be giving up. Not just giving up partying and fun. But you'll be giving up true independence in every way. You will become a dependant person on your friends, family and the city you live in. Babies do not make you grow up. If anything having a baby on purpose so young only shows the world how careless, selfish and immature you really are.
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things will get better i promise god will never put more on you'r sholders then you can handle. i know it seems like everything is against you right now but everything will get better alot of parents would kick you out and not help out thats the luck i got i am now 18 and have a 4 year old daughter i was in the same position and now things are differnt i went to collage i am a nurse i am engaged and i am haveing the best time of my life one day you will find that guy that will love you for you and love that baby and you all will get married thats how it happened to me just be strong and have faith i have faith! i wish you the best of luck. i know how you'r felling you'r not alone!
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Wow! Thanks for not glamourizing it. We all make mistakes in life. I know it's hard for you right now but hang in there, it gets better. As soon as your little guy gets old enough to talk you can have lots of fun taking him places. The library is a great place to take him for story time to meet other kids and moms. I'm in Maryland, where are you?
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| SNM - November 26 |
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Rebecca, thanks for sharing your story. I too hope that it will touch some young girls’ life. You said you want to be someone your son could be proud…well guess what? He will be proud of you for not aborting him even though you couldn’t provide for him the right way. Just keep doing what you’re doing (work & school) even though it seems hard at times. I know you probably feel like a kid in your parent’s house now but stay humble until you can make a change. You WILL overcome this and you WILL be on top just want it badly and go after it. Even though it may take you a while to finish school the most important thing is that you finish. Your parents, family, friends and your beautiful son will commend you on that accomplishment. You say they are very disappointment in you well trust me if you continue to do your best and prove to them you want better for you and your baby they will eventually accept what happened. You messed up and it’s ok because you’re human. The most important thing here is you know it. My dear, you can correct what happened (getting pregnant without the proper security) but it all depends on you. Good luck!! Pray for that inner strength and you will find it.
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Thanks for posting your story. You were honest and teen girls need to hear that. They should also hear about other options. There is always adoption, it takes a strong woman to place her baby with a family who wants and could take care of it. To all you girls who don't have a way out...look into open adoption.
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I did think long and hard about adoption, believe me. I spoke with some people about it, and I was close to choosing that option. But the more I spoke to people, the more it felt like a business transaction. Maybe it was just the wrong people, and I do applaud women for choosing to put their babies up for adoption instead of abortion. But it never felt right for me. I'm glad I didn't give Brian up for adoption, BUT I do think young girls should talk to the right people and give adoption a very serious thought as an option. Lots of people out there are loving and deserving people. For some women and girls, adoption is the best thing to do. I guess it depends on your situation. When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared of course, but reading about the adoption process and learning about it from the people in the field gave me and even more scary feeling, so I chose not to go that route. It was nothing they did or said, it just didn't feel right to me.
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sorry to be the opposite of everyone on this page, but i had my daughter when i was 18. I'm now 19 and my daughter is 14 months old. Not every young mother goes through what you have. At the beginning yes it was hard for me i admit. But as she grew i feel that so did i. I think that she's the best thing that happened in my life and i would not wait if i had the chance to do it. No, my family and my fiances family doesn't pay for her needs. We pay for them with our money, and we're also paying for our own home. All i can say is, if you don't feel you can handle the responsibility of a baby, then don't have s_x. It's that simple. Buy a vibrator, they're just as good and sometimes better.
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Good for you Rebecca! I know it is so hard! But I promise you, it will get easier. I wasn't a teen and I was (and am) married but the first year with a baby was so extremely hard with 2 parents it makes me admire you all the more for doing it on your own. Just thank your parents as much as possible and with great sincerety. It will help, I promise. Once my little guy pa__sed a year he pretty much stopped getting ear infections (which really suck, I know) and life just calmed down a bit. You just keep doing what you're doing, girl. You're doing great!
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I think your last two lines are great; sum it up perfectly.
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